Does Yoga end relationships?

Spirituality
#21

@ City Monk

I don’t mean to offend you - i hope my words are not too harsh - but the truth (and I accept that I may be completely wrong) is often hard to hear.
You say it’s egoistic to “let others struggle”.

I say it’s more egoistic to think that you hold the key to their ‘redemption’. Marriage / relationship should be a celebration and a partnership, not a struggle in which one person’s lifestyle battles with another’s. Unless you choose that of course… :wink:

In my experience I have seen that 90% of the time, when people stay in dysfunctional relationships trying to ‘change’ the other person, “getting them into” yoga, or religion, or anything else, it’s because they NEED that dysfunctional relationship to give them a sense of self. They choose dysfunction because that is what they know - how much is your choice influenced by your experience as a child: probably 100%.
This is often a kind of subtle addiction.

If on the other hand you truly can find peace within your relationship with your husband; if you can be truly happy within yourself, even amidst the turmoil of
[I]“very hard to keep my lifestyle and diet with ignorant person in the house. and very upsetting that you do not have soul mate in your husband…”[/I]
then I take my hat off to you. But I have found that 21st century life is hard enough without living with someone whose lifestyle opposes yours.

Therefore I advise my students to make things easy for themselves when it comes to relationship. It’s not out of ego, I assure you.

With love,
Ben

#22

It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.

— Confucius

You are ultimately responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness and you cannot blame others because you are unhappy nor can you expect others to make you happy. Also Marriage is Compromise … But do not to confuse Compromise with Sacrifice since they are not the same

#23

[QUOTE=benralston;31200]@ City Monk

I don’t mean to offend you - i hope my words are not too harsh - but the truth (and I accept that I may be completely wrong) is often hard to hear.
You say it’s egoistic to “let others struggle”.

I say it’s more egoistic to think that you hold the key to their ‘redemption’.
Ben[/QUOTE]

No, you can not offend me:)

Yes, I mean what I said. Let me try to make it more clear. It is no good watching others struggle from their own ignorance. I would do many attempts to open their mind. This is just me, and no one have to follow me. Of course if their bad karma do not allow them to take you help - let them go and struggle on their own.
No one of us hold the “keys” to anything, but we can help others to look at the world differently, we can attempt to inspire them to lean and evolve.

#24

AND YES!

I’m the egoist. I want to see happy people around me - it makes me happy!:wink:

#25

From what I’ve seen, there are really six people in a waking state relationship.

  • The two Real people
  • The two people’s egos, pretending to be something that the Real person is not
  • The two “people” that are being projected, the person that you either think you are with or the person that you project on your partner that you’ll think they’ll turn into, etc etc

It’s no surprise that someone would start to try to find their Real self and it would cause turmoil in their marriage, esp if the partner isn’t along for the yoga ride. It’s inevitable that the other half will complain that “this isn’t the person I married”, and it’s true. Either the projection is too contrasting or the fake mask is dropping away (or both).

Either way, OP, good luck.

#26

This issue you address is very common with the majority of spiritual practioners, including myself.

It very funny about the timming of the whole thing. Like you I met my wife just months before the flame of truth really consumed my whole being. Had I met her a few months prior, I would have had no interest in her.

That being said however, understand that this story of you being spiritual and him being not spiritual is all in your imagination, 100%. The mind is doing what the mind does, finds problems with your present circumstances and is always projecting into the future and playing the game of “what if.” You being spiritual, is another identity the mind is wrapping itself up in. It’s a trick, it’s a game of the mind.

As long as your spouse doesn’t retrict you from doing what needs to be done (practice, retreats, etc) there is no reason you two can’t have a happy and wholesome relationship.

If he does restrict you, well do what you feel you have to do. If he can handle it, he will, if he can’t he won’t.

I’ve know many people who have been in spiritual relationships and were miserable. I know some that were plaugued with infidelity, even one whose wife left him for the guru :slight_smile:

Personally, I want to have an affair with the divine, no other~~~~

If you have a desire to connect, you have the forum, connect with others, etc.

#27

It looks like GoddesTapping hasn’t visited us since three days since her last post, way back in March. I wish her well, I wonder how she is doing? It would be interesting to hear how it all worked out for her.

#28

[QUOTE=Joanna63;46111]It looks like GoddesTapping hasn’t visited us since three days since her last post, way back in March. I wish her well, I wonder how she is doing? It would be interesting to hear how it all worked out for her.[/QUOTE]

Maybe she’ll get some email notes about the thread activity & she’s come back?

#29

I think that yoga and meditation provide us with truths about ourselves that werent apparent before and consequently could bring us to end a relationship.

#30

If one has penetrated deep enough into one’s sadhana, the very desire to control or end one’s relationships with others simply disappears. And if one is still thinking in terms of trying to end unhealthy relationships, it simply reflects that one has not yet come to a certain where one’s state of being is not determined by the outside world. One is still not centered and balanced by one’s own nature. Because of this, one feels a need to control the outside world in various different ways. Otherwise - on the contrary, if you have been involved in relationships where somebody else may be destructive, or aggressive, or violent, or creating suffering for himself and others, one will try and provide every opportunity for the other to come to more awareness. One sees very clearly that others are suffering unecessarily, that there is a way to live beyond it. Out of this, great compassion arises. This compassionate intelligence will not end or destroy your relationships, or make you feel alienated from others, on the contrary it will only sharpen one’s sensitivity and love towards others. Perhaps out of compassion, one may end a relationship for the other’s sake. But it is not because one feels a need to protect one’s ego, or to fulfill one’s own self-centered desires, it is simply out of insight into things as they are.

#31

Yoga doesnt end relationships.

Ego does.

#32

Yoga is a means to ending relationships in the following way:

  1. If you take renunication, you leave your friends and family behind for a life of spirituality.
  2. If you practice Yoga properly you will develop greater clarity of mind, which will also induce you to introspect on what is working in your life and what is not. What is not working you abandon. This practice is known as Vivek & Vairagya
  3. When you reach the final stages of Yoga, Kaivalya(aloneness) you no longer see or have any personal relationships, all of humanity is one for you. Your mother, as much as the stranger on the street.

I don’t think 1 and 3 applies to the OP, so lets move onto 2. The sad fact of life is that it is constantly in change. One day you feel like you are in madly in love with somebody and are contemplating spending the rest of your life with that person, but another day you can’t stand the person and would soon be rid of them. What has changed? Them or you? At a certain point in life your karma attracted this person to you and it was a perfect fit - but what did I say about about life constantly changing - your karma changed and your field of reality responded and created disruptive and conflictive events - a message from reality that it is time to move on. In reality, you are never going to find anybody that will always remain the same person you fell for, and this is why institutions like marriage are actually very oppressive, because you will have to make compromises as soon as the conflict begins.

The best philosophy of life is to follow your Yoga, dawg. Let the clarity of mind Yoga will create if you practice it properly guide your every decision in life. Do not be afraid to let go when the clear insight of your mind has shown you is time to abandon. Practice Vivek and Vairagya. Best philosophy of life and has worked a treat for me :wink:

#33

I've been married to my wife for almost 10 years and have 3 beautiful daughters.
My view is that Yoga is a form of a religion in that it teaches you philosophy and spiritual values.
Although it doesn't explicitly tell you to end your spouse, it wakes you up and changes your expectation in life.
It is the journey of learning this new expectation and a "new path" which could lead to the ending of the relationship.
What you're feeling is what my wife is currently going through. I received an ultimatum to stop drinking alcohol which to me seemed unreasonable. I never asked her to stop doing what she liked. Her personality and expectation in life has changed dramatically since her deeper practice in yoga.
Can you blame me for feeling a slight resentment towards yoga?

Sometimes I feel that she has been brainwashed.

#34

Couldn't agree more, some experiences has become a story