Hello everyone,
I’m a new face around here and glad to be part of the gang. Hopefully I’ll be able to regularly post and get to know everyone, all that business. Anyway, let’s get to what I’m here for. I’m afraid it’ll be somewhat long winded but I’d like, in advance, to thank anyone who is willing to get through it and maybe give me some advice, it is [I]much[/I] appreciated.
At the same time, I can understand if this is a bit too much reading so I’ll go ahead and underline the important paragraphs.
I’m very sincere and this is a very genuine, heartfelt concern of mine; I believe I may have had a drug-induced kundalini awakening about a year and a half ago.
In November of 2010, I had decided to try a hallucinogenic drug known popularly as 2c-i. A little background: previously I had left home and the state to attend school. While there I felt I had developed a strong inner peace. I would wake up very early and felt very refreshed. Though I was a film major, I was deeply interested and passionately studied philosophy on my own time, I felt I had a somewhat mystical sensibility (listening to Arvo Part I felt I could feel the ‘flow’ ofthe world around me, as if I were underwater, plants ‘felt’ alive to me, etc.).
While still out of state, I started noticing a pain in at the bottom of my spine, located very near where my tail bone would be. I soon discovered I had developed what is known as a pilonidal cyst. At the same time I began regularly drinking coffee to help me maintain my focus for the long hours I’d dedicated to reading everyday. This led, I believe to some problems with breathing; I began with asthmatic symptoms in that I was often very short of breath and felt light headed. I would breath deeply but still felt as though I wasn’t getting enough oxygen, and the back of my head had a very strange sort of sensation.
Moreover, from the advice of a roommate, I tried some melatonin to help me to get to sleep sooner, to ensure that I would wake up at the time I had become accustomed to waking. This made me feel extremely groggy and almost hung over the next day so it wasn’t long before I stopped. In the end, I had to return home due to financial reasons, though the breathing problems persisted.
I visited a doctor and took a spectrometry test which determined that the deepness of my breaths were perfectly adequate and I wasn’t asthmatic, yet the symptoms remained. At the same time, I felt a need to get away from my life-long passion of filmmaking and decided to become more academic and took a particular liking to math and chemistry. I’d study all day everyday. I had strayed from coffee as I had concluded it aggravated my breathing symptoms, but I drank energy drinks to help me study almost every other day.
Now, come November, having a few people close to me continue to recommend trying psychedelics I decided I would. We got hold of a chemical known as 2c-i and took ~15mgs, a normal psychedelic dose. The trip was underwhelming and more energetic than eye-opening, however, the intention I had for the experience was to ‘peer into the heart of mathematics’. I was fascinated by mathematical geniuses as they seemed to have developed some intuitive sense of the underlying order, developed like an analytic a priori sense of the commonly considered counter-intuitive aspects of mathematics in general, and I wanted to develop that same faculty. Again, the trip was underwhelming, there were no hallucinations whatsoever and minor color shifting. The only two instances of real consequence were one where I was sitting on the couch closing my eyes and I realized quietly to myself “closing your eyes is just another way of seeing”. Similarly I had some mathematical understanding of the relation of the graphical nature of inverse and direct proportionality. Interesting to note, I actually ended up falling asleep before I was able to come back down.
[U]The next day, I noticed that I was seeing a huge number of floaters, the hues of everything around me (especially blues) were incredibly powerful. I couldn’t help but notice blues, yellows, greens, and oranges as those colors almost [I][B]burned[/B][/I] with intensity. The real problem came during class. I was in a math class when the professor asked us to work on a problem. I knew, just looking at the problem, that I could do it and it was relatively simple, but as soon as I picked up the pencil and started working on it [B]WHAM[/B] it was like I smacked right into a brick wall right at the top of my head. Suddenly I was completely confused and had no idea what I was doing, what was an easy task to complete just a few days ago had become completely foreign and impossible. Again, I emphasize the overwhelming feeling I had in my head; it was as if I was balancing an extremely heavy stack of books on my head, just an enormous and debilitating head pressure that persists to this day.[/U]
It wasn’t long after the symptoms persisted that I ended up having several break downs and total loss of hope. I could no longer think as I once did, it was as if I had set up some sort of brick wall in my head. I couldn’t control my thoughts. Colors were so intense everywhere I could hardly pay attention to what was going on around me. Floaters abounded during the day. I began having intrusive violent thoughts and dreams that became my primary problem. I saw an internist and was prescribed clonazepam and lexapro. I took the clonazepam as needed and the lexapro for about a year but they did little to help me. I tried dozens of vitamins and herbs.
[U]Really, this is where I’m at today. The intrusive thoughts and dreams and mostly subsided and aren’t as bothersome, most of the other symptoms have also abated to [I]some[/I] extent but it’s certainly still a major problem, especially my head pressure and the floaters. I also have a lot of neck and shoulder tension and pain. Incidentally, not long after taking the hallucinogen, my breathing problems subsided substantially. I had plans of transferring to a more prestigious college and dedicating myself to scientific study as well as trying to continue to pursue film but after the head pressure started, I’ve been unable to. I settled for the local university and have lost all creative inspiration. I feel as though I’ve lost my passion for both the academic and filmmaking and I now spend my time trying desperately to rediscover those passions. [/U]
[U]Now I ask, is it possible that all this is the consequence of an accidental premature kundalini awakening? I knew nothing about kundalini, never practiced meditation and certainly wasn’t trying to awaken anything at the time. Though I was ‘after truth’ and had a deep metaphysical interest for some time. All the same, when looking up possible medical conditions, kundalini syndrome came up and fits the bill almost exactly. [/U]
If it is is there anything I could do? Since all this has happened, I’ve began meditating somewhat regularly and have become interested in kundalini yoga, though I don’t know where to begin. I practice privately at home with only the guidance I find on the internet. I also think it’s important to add I still go see doctors to try to get this thing figured out. I had an MRI done and it came up normal. I had x-rays done and there was nothing wrong with my neck. I saw a physical therapist and it didn’t do much to help. About a week and a half ago I changed doctors and now I’m on 50mgs of zoloft a day.