For the past year some exciting spiritual events have occurred in my life, but at the same time I’ve been experiencing excruciating pain and discomfort. I have been to doctors with no success, and after reading the description of a spiritual awakening, I opened up to the idea that this may be the cause of my affliction.
I started taking hot vinyasa flow yoga classes about a year ago. I had read about the benefits of yoga and always had a curiosity, so when a friend asked me to tag along I jumped at the opportunity. I was not prepared for the difficulty of the 1st class, but I pushed myself as best I could and came out with a new respect for yoga, and a heck of a lot of sweat. I listened to the wisdom that the instructors shared with us, and after about 5 classes something started to click. The words they used began to make more sense, and my desire for more yoga was driven by more of a spiritual curiosity than a need for exercise or other health benefits.
Even though I had very little knowledge of the concepts, vocabulary, and even the proper postures, I started practicing at home and giving it my best. Within a very short period of time I realized that the static fuzz in my vision that I have seen all my life has now become more vivid. I was later advised that what I am seeing is energy. The energy became so vivid, that when I smoked my occasional minute (equivalent to 1/2 a beer) amount of cannabis, the energy that I saw became so intently vivid that I no longer felt comfortable using cannabis, as I began to see infinitely complex shapes, patterns, numbers, and symbols.
I also began to pay more attention to my breath, and I noticed that in childs pose it sounded exactly like the ocean. It was around this time that a friend recommended the book the celestine prophecy, and after reading that book I had the most vivid dream of my life, and a few others soon followed. I bought some meditation CD’s, and became able to move energy from one point in my body to another. I started to see white clouds of energy swirling around, and I later had experiences that others described to me as coming into contact with “my guides” and also finding the “astral plane”. I was intrigued, and I began to practice sporadically. I would go to yoga class 1-2 times a week, but not regularly. I would practice at home some nights, but not others. I bought more spiritual books, and began to focus on any activity that I felt I could reasonable do, whether it be staying with my breath as often as possible, treating people right and giving to them when possible, and trying to find ways to contribute to society.
One afternoon, I saw the same white energy clouds that I had seen when meditation, and I felt suddenly tired. I laid down on the sofa and fell immediately into a vivid dream. I wondering why these things were happening to me, as I really wasn’t putting 100% effort forth into my spiritual practice, and I certainly hadn’t been practicing for very long. I bought more books on dreaming by Carlos Casteneda, and things really started to get interesting. The vocabulary in his books is very similar to that of modern spiritual books, and I’ve had what seems to be success with some of the dreaming practices he’s described, although I must say it’s been a bit scary. I’ve been hoarding spiritual books of all sorts, and become quite the bookworm. However, I’ve also had a great deal of health trouble up to this point.
Somewhere around the time I started going to yoga classes I began to itch on my inner thighs and around my waist area. The itching became more and more intense, and my doctor could offer no solutions. I developed an odd dark blotchy rash above my buttocks, that would lighten and darken at its will. The itching spread to my legs, chest, and arms, and a red spotty rash kept recurring in the center of my chest just below my ribs. The itching becomes so intense that no lotions, creams, or even steroid ointments could help, and the sensation on my chest started to feel similar to that of a panic attack. I started to get hives, strange headaches, and an uncontrollable dryness of my skin. I saw skin doctors, allergists, and even a GI (digestion) doctor and all ran a barrage of tests with no success. Each month the symptoms would change slightly, and it seemed that a change in diet did contribute to a change in symptoms. Eventually, I narrowed down the largest change to a reduction in sugar and carbohydrates. The more I eat, the more I itch, and the more symptoms I experience.
I read the symptoms of a spiritual awakening, and some of the items that matched so well and rang out to me were: tingling feelings especially at the top of the head, increased emotionally sensitivity (shedding a tear at any sad situation on tv - and I’m a male!), odd sleep patterns, sudden food allergies (I suddenly am sensitive to a number of foods), skin issues, dreams, and that feeling that time is accelerating.
What’s really interesting is that I’ve gained control of new muscles at my temples, and i feel them engage during various spiritual thoughts and practices. I also have been playing with isolating my senses, and when I am able to (briefly) isolate all the senses I seem to have a bit of a spasm in my back/neck momentarily.
Another odd experience is that now when I smoke cannabis at night, I see dozens of faces in the trees. Even if I just look through a 2 inch opening in the blinds from 10 feet away I can see them. It’s very creepy as they have an evil look to them.
I’m sure there are more things I am forgetting, but those are the most significant. I apologize for the length, but I am desperate for help or direction. My life has been turned upside down due to my health. I’m afraid to go to public places, I’m afraid to eat most foods, and I am at a loss for what to do next. I look forward to hearing all your thoughts on the situation.
And by your definition, you’re right of course, there is nothing spiritual about a series of physical exercises that make you feel good.