Anger

Yoga Discussion General Yoga
#1

Hey yogis,

I?ve just come back from a yoga retreat. It was bliss, but…

During the retreat many emotions came up for me, and I realised that I am struggling with insecurity which resulted in anger and jealousy. I do not come across as angry or jealous, and I have always thought of myself as confident, so when I realised this about myself I felt disappointed and ashamed of myself.

Whilst on the retreat I was reading ?The Art of Happiness? (Dalai Lama), and there was a piece on anger: [I]?Responding to a trying situation with [U]patience and tolerance[/U] rather than reacting with anger and hatred involves active restraint, which comes from a strong, self-disciplined mind.? [/I]

I tried to apply this at the time as I was feeling particularily angry and irritated with one of the people in the group. Unfortunately I could not shake my feelings and this is probably why I?m still feeling disappointed and ashamed of myself.

For those of you who can relate, how to you manage to apply the above quote to your life, or do you have other methods which help?

#2

I think it would be helpful to acknowledge these feelings and celebrate that you have
noticed these tendencies ,a lot of people dont give themselves space to acknowledge these emotions, thats the beauty of a retreat ,no undue distractions to cover our true nature up. So rather than develop dissappointment at having these feelings , congratulate yourself on noticing them , there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
In the kindly witnessing of these emotions and the results that they bring to our experience the ties and holding on loosen, then that powerful energy may be directed to
more fruitful places .
Ther are lots of things which may help you to work with these energies .I come from a Buddhist background and often use the Metta Bhavana meditation to develop loving kindness to myself and others . But witnessing is extremely helpful for me so that I may make a choice rather than react to anger ,Im not always successful ,anger is a very powerful energy , I have read an example from buddhism that it is like holding a hot coal , in that it causes the person who is angry more pain , than the one that the anger is aimed at.
There were yogis who were so angry and hate filled that they became enlightened because of the strength of their passion ! I cant remember where I read about them.
Lastly anger for me ,nearly always is covering some sadness, this seemed to be an insight for you around insecurity ,it all sounds great to me .
om shanti charlie

#3

What a coincidence - I was thinking about today. I’m angry with one of my friends now and it triggered lot of things. Realization of my expectations about myself. That I like to see myself as kind and “spiritual” and such feelings don’t fit in my self-image. That I really don’t like to feel hostile. And that I feel guilty because of that. Anyway, my conclusions are following:

  1. Anger and ability to feel aversion to some people is part of me - I need to accept that and move on.

  2. Time changes everything. Like all feelings, those will pass. So be patient.

  3. I want to be kind to people. From my experience I know that I’m proud of myself for moments in which I showed kindness irrespectively of anger/aversion. The inner meaning of those acts is more important for me than loss in social interactions and eyes of others (and my own).

  4. The same kindness I strive for I should show to myself as well. That includes acceptance of my emotional insecurities, fears, anger, hatred etc.

Ps. I like this quote by Dalailama. Its very realistic - restraint is necessary to cultivate kindness. Maybe one day it will be unnecessary, but till then we need it to progress.

#4

The Art of Happiness is one of my favorite books. The Dalai Lama’s quote is definitely a hard one to practice. Omamana, awareness is the key to this. It is the beginning stage of coming to terms with anger. Anger is always there. It is up to us whether we water and feed that anger. You must cool the flames, so to speak. We must water and feed those seeds of happiness. When we nurture and care for those seeds they take over the struggling angry seeds. Those angry seeds can no longer grow.

There is a wonderful book called “Anger” by Thich Nhat Hanh. It is a book everyone should read even if they don’t think they are angry. His perspective is very unique and along the lines of what I shared in the above paragraph. This book has helped me immensely over the last couple years. One of my very favorites. It will really help you to understand anger and how we actually need to acknowledge it and embrace it before we can cool it. It sounds like you are in that place now. I so admire your honesty Omamana!

#5

Hi,
I see it happens to most of us.
Pawel, what youre saying is very similar to my own thoughts. Anger hits when we are not ready for it. Sometimes I notice that its almost impossible to make me angry after good yoga practice and when I`m cheerful.

#6

I’m very angry:)) all the times and intolerant to to others. How do I deal with it? Love, compassion, love…

Well, the first step to get rid of this is it to recognizer it … what you have done already! Congrats! I’m Happy about you!

#7

Based on the previous posts I am just repeating what has been said already

Accept and own your anger once you do that you no longer need to worry about it. It will disappear. Or at least that is what I have been told and what I have read? I?m not quite there yet.

Four Kinds of Anger
Zen Master Seung Sahn

But your previous anger and the anger you talked about in your letter are different. Before Yong Maeng Jong Jin, it was attached anger; after Yong Maeng Jong Jin your anger was only reflected anger. If you do more hard training, the reflected anger will change to perceived anger. After more hard training, perceived anger will disappear. Then you will have only love anger – inside you will not be angry, only angry on the outside. So attached anger, reflected anger, perceived anger, love anger – all are changing, changing, changing. Anger is anger; anger is the truth. Don’t worry, don’t check yourself it has already passed. How you keep just-now mind is very important.

Attached anger sometimes lasts for three hours, sometimes three days, and does not quickly return to love mind. When you were crying, you had reflected anger; it did not last long. Soon you returned to your mind that loves your son, and you knew what to do to help him. You believed in yourself 100%. After more hard training, you will have perceived anger. You will feel anger but will not show it; you will be able to control your mind. Then afterwards, you will have only love anger, anger only on the outside to help other people – “You must do this!” – but no anger on the inside. This is true love mind.

"

#8

I like that If you do more hard training, the reflected anger will change to perceived anger. After more hard training, perceived anger will disappear.
Can be explained better

#9

Thanks guys for your kind words and guidance, as always.

I have started feeling a lot better about this, and am now treating myself with more patience and compassion, realizing that it was actually a great self discovery, and means that I can now work toward change.

Ignorance is definitely not bliss! :wink:

#10

this was helpful for me as well. Anger and forgiveness are two things I often struggle with. Sometimes (for a fraction of a second) I wish that my long-term memroy was not so spectacular . . then maybe I could move on from these things that hinder my growth . . but it is not a serious thought :wink:

#11

omamana, can you describe the person that made you so angry?

#12

[QUOTE=CityMonk;50399]omamana, can you describe the person that made you so angry?[/QUOTE]

This happened some time ago but anyway…

The person was someone who would typically push my buttons…attention seeking, talks talks and talks, flirted with my boyfriend, and she was on a yoga retreat insulting any spiritual element or aspect of it.

Her behaviour in neither here nor there, my point was more about the feelings it aroused within me.

So really, she helped me to get more in touch with parts of myself I would prefer not to acknowledge.

#13

Might sound simple… but don’t forget your health. Try vigorous regular exercise… it’s the biggest chill pill in the world. Avoid sugar and caffine, and as the Dalai Lama said in the quote, it comes from a strong disciplined mind, and discipline is about practice, and practice is about being patience and consistent. But, seriously, don’t forget the hard exercise. I went form being depressed and wanting to know the keys to happiness, to bouncing around on top of the word, because of my improved health and fitness.

#14

Anger can be channeled to create some serious intensity.

As long as you channel it properly then it can be productive.

#15

I have tried this successfully. If we see the anatomy of ‘anger’, though it flares in a second and occupies our mind irresistibly, its seeds lie somewhere else. Anger is a result of ‘perceived reality falling short of expectations’ and it is sustained by ‘helplessness’ about it.
Expectation is a product of our thinking – fashioned mainly by our preferences, likes and dislikes.

So, much before any situation triggers anger, we can do this on a daily basis: recognize our likes and dislikes and say to oneself that “well others may have their own likes and dislikes”. A short step forward, try experimenting with the dislikes particularly and see if the intensity goes down in the process. Likes and dislikes are habits, so have fun in breaking them consciously. Like, do what you won’t do ordinarily.

Sustenance of anger comes from our clinging to the ‘dislikes’ against our will. That helplessness goes when the intensity towards a dislike defuses so much that it becomes a ‘relaxed indifference’. Then, anger comes and goes.

Finally, when the dividing line between our own likes and dislikes fades away, very few things make you angry. ‘Forgiveness’ is deceptive. First, it is an act. Secondly, it doesn’t cure the root cause of anger. It would only save you from anger translating into any irreversible action.

#16

change is what is important
change is everything
you can talk about it but it’s important to act it out.

http://headville.net/2011/02/02/everything/