Can't Decide Where to Start

Yoga Discussion General Yoga
#1

Hello all. I am looking for some advice.

I want to learn how to be fully present during love making and with the world, so I can face the day with courage, stand in my power, and live a wonderful life and not be afraid to make decisions. Decisions in relationships and throughout life.

I want to be vulnerable and harness my masculine energy. I was raised in a way which, resulted in low self-esteem, neediness, and the constant drive to please others.

Today I found this video [I’m not allowed to post URL’s yet], search this video on youtube please:

“YogaVision 30 Minute Kundalini Yoga Class”

Just wondering if this can be practiced everyday? Also, would doing this everyday benefit me in anyway?

Also, I’ve seen videos on sexual kundalini videos, but people have warned that without proper teaching assistance, you can go crazy doing these techniques.

I feel like I am wandering. My ambition is gone. I’m afraid to feel vulnerable and keep having failed relationships because I fear making decisions and lack confidence. I want to be strong and embrace my masculine essence. I would greatly appreciate any information you may have for me. Thank you!

#2

Any thoughts?

#3

Perhaps you might allow some of us more than a day to digest and sit with your inquiry, then consider a reply in an equally mindful fashion?

We’re a bit different than other online communities in that a) we’re not sitting online for 18 hours a day posting on the board and b) we tend to favor thought out replies of some meaning rather than belch out anecdotal replies that while interesting don’t particularly go anywhere at all.

#4

Thank you InnerAthlete.

While I await a response from the board I am going to try the [U]30 minute kundalini class[/U] video this morning.

#5

[QUOTE=endofnight;83091]I want to learn how to be fully present during love making and with the world, so I can face the day with courage, stand in my power, and live a wonderful life and not be afraid to make decisions. Decisions in relationships and throughout life. [/QUOTE]

While we are waiting, can you explain the connection between being fully present in “love making” and facing the day with courage, standing in your power, and living a wonderful life?

Additionally can you further explain what standing in your power means to you?

I am a bit perplexed and don’t see how these things and fear of decisions relates directly to one’s intimacy or sex life with another.

Thank you.

#6

Well, I think the most immediate connection is the ability to simply be present. This takes vulnerability and vulnerability takes courage. It’s important to not let fear stand in the way of true living. This is not to say that we shouldn’t acknowledge fear, but not be overcome by it. Cliche I know, but to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Fear is created from thought and thought is basically illusion. When we are afraid to approach a member of the opposite sex or give a speech in front of a crowd, our thoughts create fear based on past hurt, which in turn creates a fear based on a painful future which doesn’t even exist.

To remain present, is to remain grounded in reality (whatever that is). It’s to just be. To live breath by breath. Because in the single moment of a breath, truth is revealed: Who we are in this moment is ok.

In the context of love making, I feel this is extremely important. Given the opportunity to share an intimate moment with a partner calls for undivided attention which, oddly enough just means to truly let go. to surrender. To be vulnerable. Once again to cherish the moment. Breath by breath, kiss by kiss, touch by touch. Not just genital pleasure, but to open your heart fully and pressing your souls together.

“[I]Standing in my power[/I]” to me means to find out who I am. It’s also to figure out who I want to become. I want to find a way to live life with happiness and joy, hold true to my values, love my partner deeply, and fulfill my purpose (whatever that is). I’ve been struggling with the idea of a purpose and creating one.

I think more importantly, it’s to be vulnerable (here I go with that word again). To go out into the world and not let problems get in the way. To not crumble at the thoughts of the debt I’m going to accrue while in college and be strong enough to face that when I get out. Also, to have faith that I will be able to afford a home, go on vacations, start a family, and provide for my partner. To be strong enough, to be weak with my partner. To be strong enough to notice those weaknesses and instead of running or hiding, face them head on.

To be strong and vulnerable enough to truly love my parter. To be able to sit with her in deep struggle and vulnerability, and not try to fix it, but just hear her and be with her and hold space for it. To be a man who doesn’t derive his power from controlling and fixing everything. Especially, his woman.

I am a bit perplexed and don’t see how these things and fear of decisions relates directly to one’s intimacy or sex life with another.

My lack of confidence and self-esteem in my life has caused me to half-heartedly approach love, career, studies, the world.

Because of my fear of vulnerability. Because of my need to please others and seek validation, I have not fully lived. This has transitioned into my intimacy and relationships because I have walked too cautiously and out of fear have not escalated sexually or romantically in a way that felt natural. It has caused distance and made myself and the women I was “pursing” uncomfortable–ultimately ending the relationship.

I guess what I’m looking for with yoga is the ability to calm my mind and find my true self. This way I can move past the fear of vulnerability and head out into the world with a strong & full heart. This way I can live life the way I want to: Passionately and with love. I can open my heart and love so deeply even when their are no guarantees. So, if I end up “failing,” I can then say that I truly loved and lost–AND be ok with this. At least I know I gave it my best.

#7

Hello,

I’m not going to psycho-analyze you. But I think you could start with some gentle yoga asanas.

Try out, and report your back your experience.

Regards.

#8

Panoramix,

Thanks for the reply. I have been doing the yogavision [U]30 minute kundalini class[/U] youtube video every morning for two days so far and I really like it.

And you don’t have “psychoanalyze” me, but any ideas about my mindset and how to help better myself would be incredibly helpful.

#9

First, thanks for elaborating your intimate feelings which by itself is an act of ‘standing in your power’. This is one area where it is difficult to say where a natural instinct ends and cultural inhibitions take over. Yet, you will not find a satisfying answer to your dilemma without going to the root and not starting half way.

Yoga is closely associated with a culture that in its prime had very visionary and matter-of-fact approach to life’s mysteries. It is generally believed that reproductive organs of an individual are at a gross level, and no such distinction exists deeper you go into the subtle realms. Since the purpose of the physical self is to experience, the subtle forces induce mutual attraction between sexes primarily for the perpetuation of the species. Since this needs an intimate engagement, around it, the human beings have over millions of years built paradigms of intimacy, attraction, sharing, cohabitation and so on which may or may not have reproduction as its driver.

One of the results of this emotional build up around a natural phenomenon, is a sense of surrender where what is real is only equal collaboration. If it is surrender it is not to the partner but to the force that knows not the egoistic life we live.

There is more to it. Those who recognize the force instead of fighting it, learn to take it in their stride and eventually experience a weakening of the force. As one grows less eligible for reproduction the nature grows less interested in its campaign. But, one can take it to another level and find out that after all sharing and enrichment of mutual lives does not depend on ‘making love’. Love springs like a fountain and there’s nothing one ‘makes’ there.

One may also see a parallel between this and surrender to “Ishvara”, the inner guru. Devotion and surrender are, in such situations, acts of courage and no power is lost. Our world is so immersed in duality that ‘oneness’ of any kind is threatening and weakening. Yoga is oneness and one needs to learn this essence through all yoga’s apparent acts like, asanas, meditation or kundalini.

#10

Thank you for the response. I have been reading a lot on the topic of kundalini and many people are talking about how dangerous it is. I keep reading that you can go crazy from doing it or have psychotic episodes. Is this true?

I have been doing the video below everyday for four days. Is this safe?

Please Google “YogaVision 30 Minute Kundalini Yoga Class” to see the video.

#11

The question itself places many of us in a rather tight spot. To comment on other styles is not particularly appropriate and there is, of course, a reason each person has chosen the practice they’ve chosen - they like it.

Setting the style aside for the moment …

Kundalini is a powerful energy such that you cannot even image. The idea of willfully bringing it up or stirring it up ESPECIALLY is neophytes, beginners, or intermediate seems crazy in and of itself. To make this a purpose for a yoga practice doesn’t a) seem safe for interested others and b) can lead to damage.

On the second point there are two concerns; first, moving a powerful energy in the body without aligning the body first. When energies are directed through yoga they are moved into [I]nadis[/I] or channels. Putting a force in a channel requires preparation AND second, an aligned physical body is requisite so that moved energies are not being directed outside channels.

Some advanced students may be able to handle the energy surge, others wind up with fried nerves. But it is nearly impossible to handle the force in an unaligned body.

If knowing this you still wish to pursue the practice AND you are constantly evaluating its efficacy on your real-world living, then fine. But use care, go in eyes-open, and pay attention to the results above and beyond being “blissed out”.

Hope this helps you find the appropriate path for you.

gordon

#12

IA,

thank you for the reply. Given the information I found and what you have told me, I think I will stop the kundalini yoga and start with something else.

I am looking into the Rodney Yee videos. Hopefully, this is a much safer route.

Thanks again.

~EON.

#13

Perhaps with good intentions, many yoga celebrities have unwittingly hurt the cause than fostering it. Miracles make greater news and our ‘quick-pill’ mindset obliges with blind following.

Yoga is not a bed of roses and neither are its fruits low-hanging. One doesn’t travel and progress in yoga from one station to the other; but rather one becomes the next station. This transformation is one part traumatic like any change is; but the other part is joy of unfathomable origin and unthinkable proportions. But the key to the whole journey is balance. We reach and control prana, the energy, in thousand tiny steps. As the energy manifests we need to have a vision in place as to why we are doing it and a resolve to continue the effort of purification of the channel. A weak or corrupted channel may squander the energy; if not hurting itself. One needs a guru.

But there is a caveat. This energy is intelligent, unlike other forms like electrical or atomic ones. It is accessible to further the spiritual progress. It helps in our inbound journey and makes redundant a need to draw energy from food. Thus, we can close the doors and windows to the external world.

Kundalini awakening is not an end, but means to a path of peace and harmony. When the means become prominent only vendors lead the way and blind do the walking.

#14

Merely to add to an already cogent reply above …

Kundalini awakening is not required for peace and harmony.

#15

I will not argue with the two of you since, I am a beginner. However, I still do not see how the “YogaVision 30 Minute Kundalini Yoga Class” can be considered dangerous, while the Rodney Yee videos, which I believe deal with the practice of Iyengar yoga is considered safer and freely offered to the public.

If you take a look at the kundalini video that I am talking about, you will see. An explanation would be greatly appreciated.

One needs a guru.

I am not opposed to this idea. That being said, what is the best way to find said guru who will not charge money to lead the way?

Thanks again for all of your help.

~EON.

#16

It is not a matter of avoiding argument. It is a matter of having solicited viewpoints and received them.

[I]My replies[/I] are to the broader practice of raising Kundalini as intentioned in Kundalini Yoga. It is not a very good use of my time to get into reviewing particular iterations of this and that.

Please note that I’ve not, in this posting or elsewhere, referred anyone to Rodney Yee or advocated his teaching. Again this is not for me to do. I have not studied with him and cannot share even a shard of personal experience relative to his asana instruction. I can say he is “popular” and well-liked by Oprah. Determine what those are worth for yourself.

All practice has risk. All practice has effect. The question is how those two are tempered with each other in the teachings.

#17

Ok, InnerAthlete, May I ask for your personal opinion then?

I understand all practice has risk. I am a beginner. I have heard that yoga is good for the mind, body, and spirit. This sounds like something I would like to get into. What can you recommend for me to begin with?

Determine what those are worth for yourself.

So, I should find what yoga works for me and if I just happen to go crazy, then I know that I have chosen the wrong path? That’s a route I would prefer not to take.

What would you recommend that I begin with? At the moment I do not have the finances to study with a guru or take yoga classes at a studio. I’d like to find a youtube video or dvd and practice by myself in my home.

All practice has risk. All practice has effect. The question is how those two are tempered with each other in the teachings.

Then how do I know who to trust? If you look up kundalini videos on youtube, all of the people leading the practice assure that it is safe and healthy.

So, how will I know if Rodney Yee’s practice is safe? How will I know if Mr. or Mrs. X,Y, & Z’s practices are safe?

How should I approach this as a beginner?

#18

A guru, my friend, will find you. (not the other way around) Intense seeking is what we do. You will be amazed by the serendipity on the yoga path. If you can imagine (devoid of biases of any kind), there is a well-knit community of enlightened yogis and senior seekers who are assigned to monitor progress of the juniors and help. So while you may continue with whatever videos you are using and yet keep yourself available for the teachings that arrive in many forms and shapes, including conversations on this forum. Patience is one of the casualties of modern life. Unfortunately, yoga needs a lot of it.

#19

You’ve broached many points.

[B]Finances[/B]. I completely understand not currently having the money to pay for classes or study. But I respectful invite all to examine lack consciousness, move beyond it, find ways to get instruction through volunteering or work study, and manifest what you need in your living to have what you need in your living. When things are important we find ways to make them happen. So find safe, legal ways to get instruction.

“[B]Yoga is good[/B]”. This is interesting because it is both absolutely true and not true at all - as all profound truths are. Yoga does not protect you. Yoga is a set of tools. When that set of tools is picked up swung around haphazardly then there is mayhem. That is not Yoga, that is careless use.

[B]Clarity of definition[/B]. Today we live in a context where asana (postures) are called Yoga. This is, to say the least, inaccurate. So when one is going for Yoga that is only asana there is a risk. And that risk is two-fold; physical injury and bolstering the ego. The former occurs both in the moment and over time. The latter interferes with true progress at every breath and turn. Ergo when we refer to asana as Yoga AND claim it’s “good” we are not really telling the entire story. It is ONLY appropriate yoga that is good (for you) and it will only be “good” when it is being taught ethically and being received with an appropriate intention, absent of an aggressive approach.

[B]How to search[/B] … I suggest vetting the teacher. Shop. Find out all you can and IF you value a teacher that is living what they are teaching then make certain that you’ve found such a teacher. If you value a teacher that teaches beginning things to beginning students, if you value a teacher who is accessible when you need guidance (as we all surely do) then find that, or as close as you can get.

[B]What to do[/B]. I don’t like mindless promotion, especially on a forum where they live in perpetuity. However at this moment in time I will say I’ve heard positive things about YogaGlow. If I were to suggest an asana video then I would suggest Patricia Walden’s beginner’s dvd. It is not all of Yoga. It is not a panacea. But it is a safe place to start an asana practice and you will likely not sustain injury (see above comments on approach) AND you will “feel good” from doing it. Just enough to keep you going.

[B]Who to trust[/B]. A HUGE question. This is very difficult to determine with the mind, mental force, rationale. It is very easy to determine with the wisdom in the heart. Problem is most people (even those practicing asana for decades) can’t access this wisdom. But it is there and it can be taped into. It is this skill that Patanjali alludes to in the Sutras - discernment, knowing what is appropriate for you, your living, your life’s mission. It’s an acquired skill that comes from either a) being born a very intuitive person or b) doing the work of connecting with the heart center AND transforming the mental and vital forces so that their vocalization doesn’t overpower your process. It’s not a beginning level lesson, I apologize.

Unfortunately the lessons sometimes involve injury. I’ve picked up the pieces of many a broken practitioner who wandered into a workshop only to have a teacher do something dangerous. I can only figure that too is part of their path and they would not have found their way to Purna Yoga had they not first had an injury to get their attention.