I have been studing Ashtanga Yoga for about a year. I usually attend three studio Ashtanga classes each week. My practice is progressing nicely. I am generally the only male (married) present in classes consisting of 6-12 students. I receive and enjoy the attention that my female classmates give me. A few of the women students have expressed interest in going out with me. But, I am really not very interested because I have unintetionally developed a big Crush in my female (married) Yoga teacher. I have not said anything to her about this. Women are very perceptive, and I suspect that she is aware that I have a Crush on her. She has also said nothing to me about this.
I suspect that this a common occurance in Yoga classes. Does anyone have any experience with this type of situation? If so, how did you handle it?
As a single male instructor, this issue comes up from time to time. Others have suggested that when one person is in a position to help, guide or change another’s person’s life – sometimes in profound ways – it is to be expected (teachers, doctors, therapists, etc.)
I’ve had the same conversation with both male and female students. It goes something like this:
“It appears that I am distracting you from your practice. My goal as an instructor is to guide you to the best of my ability along the path you’ve chosen. If I am unable to do that, whether because of personal conflict, communication differences or because of an inherrent distraction, I am not being an effective instructor. Please allow me to offer some suggestions for female (or male, whichever the case may be) who may better serve you in your pursuits.”
Good luck and
Namaste,
BrianClt
I think the dynamic of yoga leads to this all the time. This is why there used to be strict rules about how women dress for mixed sex classes. So it is natural to be attracted to your teacher and others in class. I actually met my ex wife in a class we both attended regularly and it is not unusual for personal relationships to start in class.
As a teacher, however, I am careful not to move in that direction with any of my students, though the temptation is sometimes powerful. It is not what they come to the class for and I have to remember I am there to serve. As I’ve developed my teaching, I’ve come to enjoy the way my monkee mind is attracted to some students and wants to cling to them, I do however not pursue these fantasies in reality. Most ethical teachers do not. And herein lies your problem.
Even if she really likes you and even if her marriage is a flexible arrangement, she may not want to sully her professionalism with an ethical lapse. She may also realize that many male students will fall for her, since the teacher-student dynamic leads to that, but the feelings are not deep connection, but something more superficial.
As for you, I think you would do well to stick with the class and watch how your feelings change over time. Crushes I have had on teachers have helped to energize my practice, even though none of them have been acted on. Usually, they lose their grip after awhile but the memory of them helps to make practice more fun.
Good luck.
Peace,
Yogeshvara
Hi There,
@Adhtangaboy. I totally understand where your coming from. I have been practicing Yoga for over a year now and have a massive crush on my Yoga teacher. I am currently deep in battle with the part of myself that is grasping for this sensory/emotional indulgence . And although I know the consequences of my fantasy being played out would be massively destructive to not only my loved ones but my spiritual evolvement, I’m still finding it difficult to conquer this aspect of my ego. The problem is that my infatuation goes beyond physical attraction, any yoga teacher demonstrating the physical art is just mesmerisingly beautiful, but when someone taps into your energy, connects with you, awakens your snoozing creativity/spirituality, the energy released can be overwhelming and confusing and we both know it. I know they can see the physical reaction I sometimes show when my concentration slips and my pupils dilate to let in as much of their energy as possible. But as with the story of Arjuna and Krishna, this is my personal battle, my spiritual evolvement hinges on it. I’m going to have to conquer a part of myself I’m finding difficult let go and I know it. I value the friendship and richness they have brought into my life and don’t want to lose that but to keep it the battle must be fought and I must be strong.
Peace, Love & compassion. X
Well this has possibly been the toughest aspect of my life so far. The symptoms have shown absolutely no signs of passing whatsoever. It felt like I was going to burst. I’m simply going to have to remove myself from proximity which is shit because I love my Yoga class practice. Without proximity I can recognise the difference between my love for Yoga and my addiction to this person. I just hope it passes and I’ll be able to return at some point. 
uhhhmmmm…I’m I have a crush on most my instructors and even a few student in class. Big motivation for getting up and going to class. 
Your right, It’s such a high and a great motivator it’s tireless though, almost exhausting. The Yoga fuels the raw emotion and it’s incredibly powerful. I just need to channel it rather than do or say something I regret. Thanks Yogi Baha, I know what I need to do. X
I would suggest you take your wife to class with you from now on.
Hi Dave,
My teacher so as not to cause too much embarrassment may of dropped a hint. Either that or it was the universe guiding me. They held a predominantly eyes class which apart from being very mindful was free from distraction. If the senses are guarded then certain things can be avoided. Ive been entertaining the wrong way of thinking too long and should cultivate right thought. It’s as simple as that. I feel a little embarressed but learned a valuable lesson. X
Interesting case actually. I am wondering how this feeling of love came to you (and others). And may I ask if this is an intellectual attraction (the way she/he instructes and share his/her ideas), is it a physical attraction (the way his/her body moves during the excercises), is it something spiritual… what triggers the feeling of love and attraction during a yoga class in general (since I found out there are more people having a kind of ‘crush’ or ‘feeling of love/attraction’).
I was also impressed by the professional answer by BrianClt, I share his thoughts from a pure view of an instructor, but I am wondering if yoga itself is only a pure technical experience. Seemingly, if people feel emphaty, attraction, crushes, love and so on, it is also more.
Love,
Arianne
That was supposed to say an ‘eyes closed’ class.
Hi Arianne, How this happened is personal and complicated, but I will share even if it’s just to help me gain a deeper understanding of the whole situation.
To start, they opened the door to insight. Personal obstacles I have been aware of but had my head buried in the sand for years. The physical Yoga practice allows me to clear my mind and clear tension associated with years of negative thinking. They display compassion, empathy, understanding, Personal struggle, knowledge, hard work, progress, happiness, selflessness, love, a shared affinity for the wonder of nature, sense of humor, a desire to make a difference with this short life, acce
[QUOTE=ASHTANGABOY#1;1033]If so, how did you handle it?[/QUOTE]
Realize sex is blind energy, love is a wise state of being, there will be numerous experiences handled poorly until realizing the true nature of sex and love; identifying yourself as the human body one remains in the clutches of an endless stream of transient desires, illusionary emotional notions spewing the mind which leads to suffering, rediscover your true nature to regain full mastery of the situation.
That was supposed to say an ‘eyes closed’ class.
Hi Arianne, How this happened is personal and complicated, but I will share even if it’s just to help me gain a deeper understanding of the whole situation.
To start, they opened the door to insight. Personal obstacles I have been aware of but had my head buried in the sand for years. The physical Yoga practice allows me to clear my mind and clear tension associated with years of negative thinking. They display compassion, empathy, understanding, Personal struggle, humility, knowledge, energy, hard work, progress, happiness, selflessness, love, a shared affinity for the beauty of nature, sense of humor, a desire to make a difference with this short life. As well as exhibiting incredible body control which come hand in hand with having a great bod.
It’s hardly surprising I crave Proximity. They are beautiful to me. But It doesnt mean I’m going to try and sleep with them. I just need to control the extremities of my emotions.
This doesn’t really explain the emotional/physical/metaphysical dynamics of my Yoga experience but I’ve tried to put it
Into Words. X
After 12 months of working through this it came to pass that I have quite simply realised the love for my teacher and have never been closer to ‘God’ however you choose to perceive the meaning of the word. No sooner had i come to realise this, they announced a change of circumstances for them which will directly affect my position as a student. The path ahead is unknown but the path has never been so clear. As for my my much loved Teacher, the Universe and my inner Guru, I thank you. I will strive to be happy and will do all I can light others paths along the way. Namaste. X
Read the Yama niyama it is part of yoga too
Cheers
It is natural to have deep respect for your teacher but leave it there
many mistake teachers kindness and eagerness to help for more than it is imho
Cheers
All of this an no reply from the OP?
[QUOTE=InnerAthlete;81646]All of this an no reply from the OP?[/QUOTE]
Wife read it
Cheers
[QUOTE=Fixed;81647]Wife read it
Cheers :)[/QUOTE]
Possibly Fixed! I think the majority of us somewhere along lifes journey develop crushes on our teachers. I had a huge crush on a college professor who was much older than me. There is just something hot about teacher/student relationships. Anyway my attraction faded when the class was over. It passed and nothing happened
I recognize that the OP may not be following this, but I think it?s a valuable discussion anyhow.
In my opinion most students go through this at some time or another. Yoga opens the heart and I believe that when we experience feelings of love or attraction to our teacher, we are doing what psychologists call transference. We are transferring the inner love that is arising from the practice and transferring it to the teacher.
My advice would be to keep the focus within and to realize that the feelings of love/closeness/attraction that we have, are actually a reflection of ourselves… our SELF.