So I’m in a period of my life where I’m trying to change a lot of things. I was in a very dark place, but somewhere in the back of my head I always knew I’d find light and follow the path of yoga. Which, I’ve been attempting. But for a really long time I was drinking a lot and hanging out with a lot of negative people. So now that I’m trying to put my life together using yoga and meditation I’m realizing that all these negative people are still in my life. I feel like getting rid of them completely just isn’t the right answer, but it’s hard to help people that don’t want any help. Has anyone been through this kind of situation, and how did you deal with it?
Hi Corizza,
There is a apart of my life (my late 20’s) that is still with me in terms of the friends of that period of my life and altough it is now nearly 13 years later some of these people are still part of my life. Attempts by me to break contact with them seems not to work because the harder I resist the more they persist.
What I did realise especially over the last 5 years or so was that these people as my yoga teacher used to say reflects an aspect of myself back to me. This reflection is an aspect within me that still needs attention and change within myself. Some of these aspects are hard to change as they are also part of my personality, but what I can say as I work on myself and what these people reflect back to me, these characters from my past seem to disappear off my radar by themselves.
So in stead of trying to get rid of them, I spent more time with them to really learn what aspect it is that I need to work on in my own life and how I can change it. The moment I change these friends usually disappear gradually out of my life.
I would suggest dropping the term negative from “negative people” might help, i believe that way of thinking can create division.
brother Neil
drinking is yucky. It burns.
Help yourself first. Then you can help others without their juju affecting you.
You can only change yourself.
As you change those that matter won’t mind and those that mind won’t matter.
[QUOTE=byrd62au;35450]You can only change yourself.
As you change those that matter won’t mind and those that mind won’t matter.[/QUOTE]
I like this.
It’s amazing where you find wisdom.
I heard it in an AA meeting 
[QUOTE=Brother Neil;35439]I would suggest dropping the term negative from “negative people” might help, i believe that way of thinking can create division.
brother Neil[/QUOTE]
sometimes I contemplate stuff on this forum and ihave done that with this above post so now I would like to explain what I mean.
I have a friend, he drinks a lot, smokes, gambles quite a bit, his girlfriend pays the majority of the bills and they have a 13 year old kid. he takes his kid to basketball practice, watches his game sometimes etc…
so he drinks, smokes and gambles, but he also laughs, if I were to ever be threatened physically while with him, he would step in, and when he tells his girlfriend he loves her, I believe he means it.
to many people he may seem negative, but not to me.
best to all
brother Neil
[QUOTE=Corizza;35437]So I’m in a period of my life where I’m trying to change a lot of things. I was in a very dark place, but somewhere in the back of my head I always knew I’d find light and follow the path of yoga. Which, I’ve been attempting. But for a really long time I was drinking a lot and hanging out with a lot of negative people. So now that I’m trying to put my life together using yoga and meditation I’m realizing that all these negative people are still in my life. I feel like getting rid of them completely just isn’t the right answer, but it’s hard to help people that don’t want any help. Has anyone been through this kind of situation, and how did you deal with it?[/QUOTE]
I’m so happy about you!
Alcohol was always NO for me. It stinks and after first sip I felt intoxicated.
I was taking recreational drugs. It is very stylish and popular in Europe. It was hard to get out. Since if you do not do drugs they feel like you not like them and it is easy to get rejected. I quit (after getting to the edge of my life in the hospital few times), but still was hanging out in that company…I was just curios how far I can go and not succumb to drugs again…it was disgusting to see how people’s personality changes completely under influence… especially alcohol. I not saying that they got dead drunk, no, but the behavior hanged and all jokes and talks were around substances.
I stayed there for a while… observing…
gradually I’ve got new friends, new life and I feel just slight compassion for those my friends who use substances. This is their karma to stick in that experience. And my karma was to experience, get through and get out.
I still have some drinking friends, we hang out, they know that I do not drink, and they do not care and I do not really want to teach them how to live their lifes.
[B]Keep going! Ones you’ve realized that you were on the wrong path - you new path will be delightful and full of new joyful discoveries![/B]
“Hi, I am the tough to Balance Scales of harmony.”
In broken chorus - “Hi, tough to Balance Scales of harmony!”
“I’m an addict.”
They wait in silence.
“I mainline prana.”
Corizza
In the yoga that I practice and teach, our very focus or purpose is to bring light into the body. And, as that occurs, some will be able to be around it while those opting for shadow and darkness will likely not be able to stand the aforementioned light.
Stay focused on your dharma and it’s fulfillment. You will begin to attract others on a similar path and the ok’d skin will fall off along the roadside as you blossom forward. You needn’t worry. Just stay on point.
We will support you here ascwe are able.
Gordon
… I’m trying to change a lot of things…I was drinking a lot …a lot of negative people…using yoga and meditation … getting rid of them…
I haven’t gone through similar dark period, but I have counseled a few who have.
If you look hard at what you have stated, you may see a gap between perceived problem and real issues. For example, you are trying to change ‘other things’ but may not be your own self. You are judging ‘other people’ but may not be judging yourself and your perceived solution is getting rid of ‘them’ and nothing from within. Your apparent problem was/is drinking which may be a manifestation of something else. Finally, you wanted to ‘use’ yoga.
Good news is that you are at the right place, Yoga; though may be for a wrong reason. Yoga is an excellent therapy- works deep down, results are permanent and no adverse side effects. But Yoga is not a pill that once taken you become free to indulge in the same routine. For it to work for you, you have to give Yoga space in life. Most importantly, you have to own up your part of the problem and become ready to change. Its easier said than done, but you have already taken the first step.
More than your body and health, Yoga can do wonders to your mind, where problems like this are located. So, if you change your position and continue with Yoga, the hidden problems in your narrative would go away. You would enjoy the change in you, those other people will not appear negative anymore and there will remain no need to get rid of them, instead you will get rid of drinking habit. Most importantly, you won’t “use” Yoga, Yoga will be your life.
I have seen this happening many times.