Ego and (Negative) Emotions

Spirituality
#1

Hi,

I am new to the forum and have been reading a lot of interesting stuff on here about yoga. However, there are a couple of questions that I wanted to post in order to gain some insight.

The first is about ego…What is the purpose of ego? Do we really need it? I have read that the ego necessitates boundaries between “us” and the “world” and that without these boundaries then we would lose the ability to care for our own personal needs. However, I feel that the majority of the “negative” emotions I feel in life are due to attacks or threats on my ego.

If one were to reach the end goal of yoga (self-realization), would there be no ego? Or would one’s ego no longer be threatened?

I know that repressing one’s ego is bad but mine is so jealous, selfish, materialistic, and vain. I need to let go of attachments but it is so hard. I cannot simply “detach” because I still yearn. I have begun reading the yoga sutras but sometimes it just goes over my head.

Anyway, I hope that my questions are constructed clearly enough. I can always reiterate if anyone needs more clarification. Thanks!

#2

[QUOTE=a.mi;64182] I feel that the majority of the “negative” emotions I feel in life are due to attacks or threats on my ego.

I know that repressing one’s ego is bad but mine is so jealous, selfish, materialistic, and vain. I need to let go of attachments but it is so hard. I cannot simply “detach” because I still yearn. I have begun reading the yoga sutras but sometimes it just goes over my head.

Anyway, I hope that my questions are constructed clearly enough. I can always reiterate if anyone needs more clarification. Thanks![/QUOTE]

first of all…what gives your emotion a “tag” of negative and positive?

repressing ego IS BAD and can be fatal. Thats why people practice things like yoga to gradually allow the ego to dissolve… 5… 10…30 years…

some drugs can dissolve it in few sessions:) but results can be unpredictable as well…

and welcome to the forum! every question is a good question no matter how bad it is:))

do not dwell on that ego-thing…just keep practicing;)

#3

[QUOTE=CityMonk;64258]first of all…what gives your emotion a “tag” of negative and positive?

repressing ego IS BAD and can be fatal. Thats why people practice things like yoga to gradually allow the ego to dissolve… 5… 10…30 years…

some drugs can dissolve it in few sessions:) but results can be unpredictable as well…

and welcome to the forum! every question is a good question no matter how bad it is:))

do not dwell on that ego-thing…just keep practicing;)[/QUOTE]

Yes, I suppose it is simply my version of “bad” and “good”. I guess I have this fear of feeling “bad” in both a physical and emotional sense. Like, if I do a particular action then I am a “bad” person. I have dealt with a lot of self hatred over the years because I’ve felt like I could never measure up to some fictionalized ideal. I guess it is my ego that fears being labeled “bad”, “inadequate”, or “not good enough”. I really don’t know what to make of it right now but I will continue to practice yoga in my everyday life as you suggest.

#4

I mean, sometimes I just don’t like the person I see reflected in the mirror. Is that my ego? What would cause someone to dislike themselves so much?

#5

[QUOTE=a.mi;64182]The first is about ego…What is the purpose of ego? Do we really need it? I have read that the ego necessitates boundaries between “us” and the “world” and that without these boundaries then we would lose the ability to care for our own personal needs. However, I feel that the majority of the “negative” emotions I feel in life are due to attacks or threats on my ego. [/QUOTE]
My ego was created as a protection mechanism. Something I interpreted as being absolutely terrible was done to me and I swore that I would never act in a manner that would put me in such a predicament ever again. Over time, that protector became stronger and stronger as I had more and more negative experiences.

[QUOTE=a.mi;64182]If one were to reach the end goal of yoga (self-realization), would there be no ego? Or would one’s ego no longer be threatened?[/QUOTE]
I have no idea. I know that my ego is alive and well, of course, I have no idea what self-realization is :slight_smile: – only what I’ve read and been told which I take lightly. I also know that my guru’s ego is alive and well.

[QUOTE=a.mi;64182]I know that repressing one’s ego is bad but mine is so jealous, selfish, materialistic, and vain. I need to let go of attachments but it is so hard. I cannot simply “detach” because I still yearn. I have begun reading the yoga sutras but sometimes it just goes over my head.[/QUOTE]
As we go within and come to realize WHY we react to certain situations and integrate the associated emotional charge, then we start to become responsive rather than reactive.

For example, I used to get VERY upset when someone wasn’t pleased with me. I finally realized it’s because I was a pleaser. I was a pleaser due to some traumatic events where my ego decided that if I pleased people, then those traumatic events would no longer be inflicted upon me. I integrated those emotions and no longer react if I think someone is not pleased with me. I can now respond consciously. I still react to plenty of other things though :wink:

[QUOTE=a.mi;64273]I mean, sometimes I just don’t like the person I see reflected in the mirror. Is that my ego? What would cause someone to dislike themselves so much?[/QUOTE]
That’s for you to explore as you go within.

#6

David,

I do appreciate your post and do feel a bit better about the whole ego thing. I have a perfectionist mentality that I need to break. It is a process and I know that I can’t just switch it off like a light switch.

Some days are better than others. Yesterday, I was driving and felt so much inner peace. I literally felt my spirit and not my “ego”. I let go of all the labels and told myself that they are just that. I think I try so hard to define myself in terms of image, personality traits, lifestyle, demographics, psychographics, etc…It is as if my ego just wants to be “perfect” and “unique”. I get upset when my physical image isn’t what my “ego” desires. Also, I tend to feel inadequate when I think of my social status or income because my “ego” wants better. It is just so hard living in a world in which your image is everything. I feel like in trying to become an “image”, I have lost my true self.

Today wasn’t as good as yesterday. I felt bad about myself and my “ego” was guilt tripping me and putting me down. I guess I need to accept that there will be good days and there will be bad days. I have suffered from depression for many years and know that my mind can be my own worst enemy.

#7

I like this image of ego as a boundary between our psyche and environment. At least I sometimes feel like a bubble – separated both from environment and from deeper levels of my psyche. From this, I guess my (that is of my ego) function is to navigate my “whole” in the world.

Few thoughts about function of ego (inspired by Freud): I realize that lot of my ego content is driven by subconscious forces (e.g. at times my motivation to work comes from deeper fear of losing the source of support) or super-conscious (e.g. the feeling that there is something wonderful waiting for me if I continue to develop) but at the end of the day lot of decisions is done by me. Without me (my ego) there would be ridiculous clash between strong and mostly selfish instincts and spiritual part of me.

When I was reading your posts, I was thinking about love, in a sense of decision to care for good (development and happiness) of someone/yourself. From my experience, this attitude works the best. You (your ego, instincts and other parts of you) need love to grow and mature. You can’t ignite a feeling of love, but as “ego” you can decide and act in a loving way. So maybe try to think what may be the reasons for selfishness, guilt-tripping etc. that you experience? Is there just malice or maybe unexpressed need for attention, action, affection etc.? If you don’t like a person in the mirror, try to see beyond that, search for positive things. See how much suffering this person experienced, how much strain is on her and how badly she needs care and support. Love is a very powerful perspective. For example, if there is a guilt-tripping voice in you, bring it into the light of love. Ask what is the aim of this voice. What wisdom, support, direction it brings. If there is something meaningful (e.g. when this voice is accusing you of hurting your friend, then I think its worth to listen), extract it and act upon it. If there isn’t, realize that it doesn’t bring anything important. I found that in light of loving perspective such voices lose power.

Just few thoughts…

#8

~ Peace ~ Love ~ Compassion ~ Acceptance ~ Forgiveness ~

Mostly, Good Ego.

#9

The word ‘Ego’ would not have been used by any Yogi before the time of Freud. What you really want to do is to be aware that the ‘is’ of ‘identity’ is a cognitive construct.

This will open a lot of potential just to be aware of this knowledge. The other word that is used often is ‘detachment,’ but this could easily be translated to ‘highest perspective.’ The translations themselves changes the possibilities.

What you are looking for is Mature Engagement rather than replacing the experienced world with a in head delusion which most people seem to be doing nowadays.

#10

All language is limited, thankfully experience is infinite.

#11

[QUOTE=Pawel;64349]
When I was reading your posts, I was thinking about love, in a sense of decision to care for good (development and happiness) of someone/yourself. From my experience, this attitude works the best. You (your ego, instincts and other parts of you) need love to grow and mature. You can’t ignite a feeling of love, but as “ego” you can decide and act in a loving way. So maybe try to think what may be the reasons for selfishness, guilt-tripping etc. that you experience? Is there just malice or maybe unexpressed need for attention, action, affection etc.? If you don’t like a person in the mirror, try to see beyond that, search for positive things. See how much suffering this person experienced, how much strain is on her and how badly she needs care and support. Love is a very powerful perspective. For example, if there is a guilt-tripping voice in you, bring it into the light of love. Ask what is the aim of this voice. What wisdom, support, direction it brings. If there is something meaningful (e.g. when this voice is accusing you of hurting your friend, then I think its worth to listen), extract it and act upon it. If there isn’t, realize that it doesn’t bring anything important. I found that in light of loving perspective such voices lose power.

Just few thoughts…[/QUOTE]

It does appear that a lot my inner voices come from a place of hate rather than love (in terms of myself). Of course, I would like to love myself but it appears I am not truly there yet. Whenever I try to come from a loving place it feels artificial…kind of like a band-aid of some sorts. I can look in the mirror and say, “Yes, you are insert positive trait”, but that has proved ineffective in the past. I guess because its like receiving a compliment and feeling good…but then what happens when you receive a criticism? You end up feeling bad because you have attached yourself emotionally to such words. It is almost no different than using drugs or other material things to boost your mood/esteem.

Like for example, what if you believe you are a “caring” and “compassionate” person. You validate this “trait” as well as others around you. However, suppose one day you encounter a person who tells you that you aren’t compassionate? What if it is more than one person? Does this change your own reality and perspective?

Or using a negative example, suppose you believe you are selfish and there have been people who have validated this “trait”. However, one day you encounter a group of people who say you are “giving” and “unselfish”. Does this change your reality?

I guess I attach myself too much on how the world views me and how I ultimately view myself. Ideally, one should know the truth about themselves and not seek external validation for this “truth”. You are who you are…negative, positive, or whatever. The sad part is that at times I feel like I am living my life to appease some ideal construct of “me” rather than who I truly am.

#12

[QUOTE=Kasi;64383]The word ‘Ego’ would not have been used by any Yogi before the time of Freud. What you really want to do is to be aware that the ‘is’ of ‘identity’ is a cognitive construct.

This will open a lot of potential just to be aware of this knowledge. The other word that is used often is ‘detachment,’ but this could easily be translated to ‘highest perspective.’ The translations themselves changes the possibilities.

What you are looking for is Mature Engagement rather than replacing the experienced world with a in head delusion which most people seem to be doing nowadays.[/QUOTE]

What stuck out in your post is: [B]the ‘is’ of ‘identity’ is a cognitive construct[/B] as well as the point about [B]in head delusion[/B]. However, can you explain a little bit more in depth? I think I get what you are saying but I am not sure.

#13

[QUOTE=a.mi;64420]What stuck out in your post is: [B]the ‘is’ of ‘identity’ is a cognitive construct[/B] as well as the point about [B]in head delusion[/B]. However, can you explain a little bit more in depth? I think I get what you are saying but I am not sure.[/QUOTE]

Ok,

People do many kinds of actions, but connecting those actions to ones identity is a part of the ‘is’ of ‘identity.’ So if you consider an action bad, then when you see someone doing that action, you have titled the doer as ‘bad.’ This is just a construct, a limitation of human perception.

If you separate the action from the person by saying ‘I thought that action is bad’ but do not identify it as the definition of the person, you open the possibility for the person to change their action.

You will not grow if you limit yourself with an identity. You open the possibilities when you see actions as something external to your identity that can be changed.

When you engage in actions that are fulfilling to you in a larger context, you are following your Dharma.

#14

[QUOTE=Kasi;64426]Ok,

People do many kinds of actions, but connecting those actions to ones identity is a part of the ‘is’ of ‘identity.’ So if you consider an action bad, then when you see someone doing that action, you have titled the doer as ‘bad.’ This is just a construct, a limitation of human perception.

If you separate the action from the person by saying ‘I thought that action is bad’ but do not identify it as the definition of the person, you open the possibility for the person to change their action.

You will not grow if you limit yourself with an identity. You open the possibilities when you see actions as something external to your identity that can be changed.

When you engage in actions that are fulfilling to you in a larger context, you are following your Dharma.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for illustrating your point better. I do agree that we should separate action from the definition of the person. It is easy to put people into “boxes” based on the actions they have performed regardless of whether those actions are deemed “good” or “bad”. I majored in marketing (although not working in it now) so I am very much used to categorizing people based on not only their demographics but also the activities or “actions” they perform daily. Maybe that is why it is so difficult to separate from that mentality. I basically studied how to create and sell “identity” to the masses :???:. Thus, I base my identity on the actions I perform or the labels that I and others choose to describe me.

I am hoping my yoga practice will lead me towards my “true” self. I am tired of living this facade. I am doing things in order to reinforce this falsified “identity” of me rather than truly engaging in actions that fulfill me in the greater aspect of being.

So maybe I used “ego” in the wrong way when I started this thread. I think a better word would be “identity” in this case. I think I do not like my “identity” and can never learn to love my “identity” as they are just labels and such.

#15

I should add, an action is tied to time and place. As time moves the action no longer exists but the karma of that action may persist. At a new time point a new and different action is possible, and that action may alleviate the karma of previous actions.

An identity is also tied to time and place. You are not the same person you were a year ago, an day ago, an hour ago, a minute ago. At each moment you have the opportunity to engage in an action. If your picture is large enough, this action can be congruent with Dharma. When it is, you will have your greatest fulfillment in your daily activity.

The concept of Brahman (or if you like, infinity) allows you to enlarge this picture to it’s up-most degree. So when you meditate, it is not about dissolving the ego as much as it is about expanding the perspective. There is no ego to dissolve.

#16

[QUOTE=Kasi;64432]…If your picture is large enough, this action can be congruent with Dharma…&…When you engage in actions that are fulfilling to you in a larger context, you are following your Dharma…

[/QUOTE]

Can you define Dharma in yogic terms?

#17

[QUOTE=ray_killeen;64436]Can you define Dharma in yogic terms?[/QUOTE]

Dharma has been translated as ‘natural order’ but I think a better way to think of it is ‘natural flow’ as in the way Cs?kszentmih?lyi expresses it.

Your environment and your genetics are suited perfectly to certain actions at this point in time.

To find this takes knowing ones self and knowing ones surroundings. Nature creates natural boundaries to actions. When we understand nature, we can create what we want to see, for example understanding the Bernoulli’s principle allowed us to create sailboats to travel on sea and airplanes to travel by air.

There are also natural social boundaries. Psychologists have shown that children have an innate concept of justice at quite a young age.

People have needs for survival and reproduction, and these lesser aspects of human nature can be taken advantage of by advertisers. But if this feels wrong to you, you are listening to a larger context beyond your individual identity and needs of the moment. But if this feels right to you, than it is your personal Dharma in this world.

Dharma is not good or bad, it just flows.

#18

[QUOTE=Kasi;64441]

Your environment and your genetics are suited perfectly to certain actions at this point in time.

[/QUOTE]

Is it possible for someone to be in the “wrong” environment. I know that your surroundings are what you make them out to be but what if you are living in a community/culture that is just inherently wrong for you?

Can you suggest some literature on Dharma?

#19

[QUOTE=a.mi;64447]Is it possible for someone to be in the “wrong” environment. I know that your surroundings are what you make them out to be but what if you are living in a community/culture that is just inherently wrong for you?

Can you suggest some literature on Dharma?[/QUOTE]

Of course it is. But you have to assess where you are at the moment. It would be an easy thing to say, change your environment or even change yourself.

But in reality, you may have to stay with your job as a means to provide for your family and your own welfare. But you can plan ahead to create a means to be able to leave it by saving money and looking at other options.

You know your situation best and can use your own intellect (yes intellect, the ancient had nothing against it at all!) to figure a means to solve it for yourself.

One of the best books on Dharma is the classic Bhagavad Gita, but I would say that the translation you should read which is still the best one and has the least agenda is the one by Sri Aurobindo.

http://www.amazon.com/Bhagavad-Gita-Its-Message-Aurobindo/dp/0941524787

#20

[QUOTE=Kasi;64441]…But if this feels right to you, than it is your personal Dharma in this world. Dharma is not good or bad, it just flows.[/QUOTE]

Once one comes to their yoga, Dharma as you described will be recognized.

Realizing of course Yoga is in religion but there is no religion in yoga.