After further thoughts …
There are a lot of presumptions in your post wath I do not agree with (becoming non dualistic =control of the body ?; aim of life = self respect ?), or do not understand. English is not my native tongue, so I might miss some things. The first question appears to me as unfinshed. It probably hints to something what should be obvious but for me it isn’t.
I respect the power of abstract thought, but it to be accuarate, it must be well grounded in actual experience, it must state the axioms what are accepted without any doubt, and it must be merciless in reasoning. Logic is it’s main rule of conduct.
So in this case, to be accurate and have a sound ground for conversation, you should present how did you got to these conclusions.
I admit I was unspecific in my answer.
To question number 2, the answer is yes. We are selfish. Ramana Maharshi states that everyone wants his/her own happiness. This is beyond anything else. Acts of altruism are not unselfish, because they give the joy of knowing we did help another. So this again is selfish.
Because of this, everyone should seek his/her own happiness - Self realization, but in the mean time, you should not do this on the expense of others. This is where interaction gets into the picture. One must also follow his/her karma (what can be better or worse, but usually is a mixed one, with several attachments and connections to other people), and try to insert meditation and the path of Self-realization as he/she can. If you sit to meditate while someone is being hurt next to you without trying to help, your meditation will be fruitless, because of the fact it is happening next to you is not by chance but by your own karma.
If you did not became interested by spirituality in your very youth, but only in mid or later life this shows that your karma is perhaps not to be enlightened this life. I don’t say it is impossible. But I say chances are that you will have to make the choice to do it in this life or in any of the following ones, and you might not choose this one. It is like choosing between a hard climb and a longer but safer one. A wise climber knows the difference, while an inexperinced one might fall back and get seriously injured. I like the story of Milarepa. He had to face for several years very hard physical and emotional distress by his master because he was a murderer and black magician in his younger years. He did it eventually but the price I think was very high. The price is always high as we are not saints, and God only knows what have we done in our former lives. Exception is when one meets an enlightened person (teacher) because in that case the chances are much better, but one also must be ready to follow the Master no matter what.
If one chooses not to attempt enlightment this life, there is still a lot to be done. Mental constructs, data knowledge will perish at death. What remains are the imprints into the causal body, the tendencies of the soul. So in this case we must work on our moral and spiritual traits, and live a good life so we build a better one next time, where we have better chances. All of us are doing this even if not consciously. It must be known that the effects of our life, karma is built in the time between death and birth, when we are among higher beings and have the knowledge how our deeds affected our and others’ lives, and the course of the cosmic evolution. There, we cannot act, but see. Here we act but we cannot see. When enlightment happens, we can see even here, and act freely to work the divine plan, and to help others do the same.
which explains a lot.