Habitually late students

Yoga Discussion General Yoga
#1

Hi-
I need some ideas.

I am a student at a small town yoga class. There are 2 fellow students who are habitually 10-15 minutes late. Week in and week out.

I have understanding and compassion for people occasionally running behind schedule and getting to class late. That’s not the case with these 2 women (both in their late 60’s).

The teacher has made the decision not to say anything to them so basically, I see that nothing is going to change.

I am very bothered by them each week coming in late and plopping down their things. Neither seem to make much effort to come in quietly.

Can you tell how angry I am? Even typing this - I’m just pissed.

I’ve tried to let it go.
I’ve tried to just stay ‘in my zone’.
I’ve tried to identify why it bothers me so much (I think they are rude and disrespectful to the rest of us).
I’d like to say something to them - but I can’t figure out a way to do it without being rude or disrespectful toward THEM. Probably because I feel anger about the situation.

I simply can’t let go of it.

Do I stop going to the class? I’ve considered it but we don’t have a lot of options for yoga classes here.

I see my two options as either 1) stop going to the class or 2) get over it and accept that this is the way it is going to be.

Help me.
Help me get past this.
Ideas??

#2

Have you spoken to the teacher and asked her specifically to speak to them because it is disrupting class? If so, then decide whether you can handle their lateness, and either stop going, or accept it. :slight_smile:

#3

I have. Spoken with the teacher. It bothers her too but she hasn’t made any effort to stop it.

I agree - I have two choices. I’d prefer to accept it and keep going to the class but I need help finding acceptance.

Ideas?

#4

Muster up the courage so to speak and put your anger aside and after the next class go up to the couple and state your case. Just say: I am glad you come to yoga, but you have a pattern of coming in late and our teacher is too gracious to say anything to you, however, I am not so gracious. In the future can you please try and come on time as me and some others find it disruptive when you come in late. And then thank them for their time and walk away…don’t say anything less or more. They will either start coming in on time or they won’t.

#5

It is the responsibility of the teacher to address the two students. If she is a good teacher, she will listen to your concern and take appropriate action. By all means, if you feel comfortable talking with the couple do so, but it is not your responsibility. But again, if your teacher does nothing after you express your concern, that would give me pause as to her effectiveness as a teacher.

How attached are you to this teacher?

My Wednesday evening class I will allow some to come late if they are quiet. The studio is kind of off the beat and path, and the only way to get to it is the highway + the class is during rush hour here and many come from work. But over the years, with this class, I’ve learned to structure it a bit differently. I start off with a reading and then at times, a discussion, moving in to my normally structured class. This would be an option for your teacher. Another thing that may be helpful and that you could offer to her… Ask her to talk with them and have them come in, just once, on time. And have them gauge how they feel after that class compared to one they arrive late. I can almost guarantee you that they leave the class that they arrive on time, much more relaxed and focused. That in and of itself should be a motivating factor.

#6

Just go ‘hhrrumph!’ and ‘can you please…?!’ with a bitter glare on their direction. This will end the activity. At the end of class, spend a moment to meditate and ask the universe to forgive you.

If the teacher will not address the situation and no one will approach them politely, your options are limited.

#7

thanks all for your thoughtful, helpful ideas.

Raven - I like your idea. If I can get free of the anger and irritation I might try it.

Lotusgirl - Good question re: how attached I am to the teacher. Perhaps TOO attached. I’ve been going to her classes for over a year now -and I’m comfortable but I can’t say that I’m regularly challenged. Plus, I yearn for more ‘education’. I would love to have a teacher that TAUGHT rather than just LED the class. As a relatively new yoga student, I know that my form is not perfect - but without a teacher who is actually [I]teaching[/I], how am I to learn?

There is a new gal locally doing vinyasa yoga so I may check out her classes just to prevent myself from being in a rut. My fear is that her classes may be too difficult for me but I guess I don’t know until I try.

Flexpenguin - I like your humor! I sorta did that yesterday - looked at both of them when they came in and shook my head in disgust. I’m not sure either of them ‘do subtle’ though. :slight_smile:

#8

What do you mean by wanting a teacher that taught rather than led. What do you want him/her to teach you? Are you referring to alignment issues/adjustments? Would you like him/her to go into more detail regarding musculature? Or perhaps more inclusion of the spiritual side of yoga? So few incorporate this in their teaching.

Don’t be fearful of trying a new class, thinking it might be too challenging. The change might bring you a new perspective. Never know until you try, do you? While your posture in yoga should be steady and comfortable, a feeling of “being” comfortable in a class setting may lead you to being complacent and not going to that place of “sweet discomfort” as I call it.

As a teacher who has struggled with this issue, I would be grateful and appreciative of any student who comes to me with a concern. It is my responsibility, as a teacher, to fully address those concerns. You can never fully appreciate, love and reap the full benefits of yoga if you are holding onto resentment or anger. Let go and let the teacher handle it. If she doesn’t, be patient. A new teacher will find you.

And yes, Flex is a hoot!

#9

Hi Kris,

Several things.
First, what annoys us is merely a reflection of something we dislike in ourselves. So this is a good starting point for looking at how you embody this behavior so that you may address it from the inside out and be done with it -moving on to the next thing of course.

Second is that it is the responsibility of the teacher to hold the energy of the room. If the teacher is either not trained to do so or is trained but is not skilled in doing so, then all sorts of energetic disruptions are “allowed”.

Third, acceptance is not in balance when it requires being a Welcome Mat. You can accept the people and not care for their behavior - a skill I find necessary when I discover yoga teachers are putting their body weight on student spines in Paschimotanasana.

Finally, a crafty teacher looks at such things and finds the teaching value which rests in the undercurrent. How? By bringing to light the applied philosophy of the practice and guiding students to begin living their yoga and, in this case, being more mindful throughout their practice - first in asana, then in washing their hands, then in unfurling their mat, then in respecting themselves, then in respecting others. That’s the practice. A yoga teacher embodies integrity when he/she teaches that which they do in their living and does not teach that which they do not do. If your teacher is late she robs herself of integrity as a teacher if she tells others to be on time. However if she is on time and practices with respect then she is holding back the teachings from the student. Which is it??

#10

You can also ask the teacher to start class 15 minutes later.

#11

Flex,
and disrupt everyone else's schedule?

But.. come to think of it.... how would those women feel if they came in and discovered that the whole class was waiting for them, and weren't going to start without them. That might throw a little bit of humility their way and make them work at coming closer to "on time".

Good suggestion after all FlexPenguin. :slight_smile:

You also might print out an article like the following and suggest the yoga instructor post it somewhere:
http://www.yogajournal.com/basics/166

The February issue has an article on the same basic etiquette, but with a little more humor. http://www.fitmagascene.com/2011/01/oh-behave-yoga-class-etiquette-tips-from-yoga-journal-magazine.html

You'll have to pick up the magazine to see it. Just snoop in the store, it's cute. :slight_smile:

#12

It’s time to talk or walk.

These people are consistently late so that speaks to a reason why they are late. It might well ease your stress if you found out why.

If you found out that they come as soon as they finished their chemo treatments would that allow you celebrate their entry?

I’ve both taught and attended studios where classes are not open to late comers and ones that don’t mind if you show up as late the final minutes.

When folks arrive late or leave class before Shivasana, I used to feel something akin to sadness, surely they were missing out on the best part of the class, surely others are going to be inconvenienced by their noisy entrance or departure?

Since then I have come to consider special considerations, anxieties, silly one hour parking restrictions, levels of comfort with the intentions, spiritual content, OM considerations, chant phobias, or discomfort. There are so many reasons why people do what they do. In the end you must weigh what is most comfortable to you. Dare you talk to these humans? Don’t let stress get the better of you, choose soon, talk or walk, or allow yourself to detach and accept the class really begins for you when they settle, until you settle.

#13

[QUOTE=lotusgirl;51808]What do you mean by wanting a teacher that taught rather than led. What do you want him/her to teach you? Are you referring to alignment issues/adjustments? Would you like him/her to go into more detail regarding musculature? Or perhaps more inclusion of the spiritual side of yoga? So few incorporate this in their teaching.

[/QUOTE]

Yes. :slight_smile: Alignment/adjustments were primarily what I was talking about but truly, I’m hungry for knowledge in all areas of yoga. I have been studying a lot on my own but it feels rather isolated to just have the thoughts and ideas churning in my head. Perhaps I’m looking for my ‘tribe’…people who are looking to expand overall knowledge of the yoga path - not just doing an exercise class. Privately, this teacher talked to me about wanting more herself and perhaps she is pursuing it on her own - but it’s not reflected in the classroom environment yet. (I sure hope she’s not reading here! She is a good teacher - I just find myself wanting more.)

#14

[QUOTE=InnerAthlete;51809]

Several things.
First, what annoys us is merely a reflection of something we dislike in ourselves. So this is a good starting point for looking at how you embody this behavior so that you may address it from the inside out and be done with it -moving on to the next thing of course.

[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your reply.

I know. I keep trying to figure that part out because I’ve heard that for so many years. For me - this isn’t a literal translation - because I’m never late. I’m perpetually early - probably to a fault. But I know what you’re saying - this is my stuff to some extent.

[QUOTE=InnerAthlete;51809]Third, acceptance is not in balance when it requires being a Welcome Mat. You can accept the people and not care for their behavior - a skill I find necessary when I discover yoga teachers are putting their body weight on student spines in Paschimotanasana. [/QUOTE]

Good point.

#15

Thanks for the links Johanna63. I’ll check them out.

Yogamark - I think you’re right. Talk or walk. And yeah, I have given thought to if there were other circumstances causing their tardiness. From what I gather - there aren’t but I haven’t actually talked with them directly about it. Perhaps I need to talk to them (or see if the teacher is going to), then give it a week or two and if the situation doesn’t change or if I can’t find peace with it continuing as it is then I need to find another class. I allowed their behavior to impact my day yesterday for far too long.

#16

Kris,

when looking at reflection it is often more helpful to look at the bigger picture. Being “late” is the little picture. Having respect for others, awareness for storming into one’s surroundings, these things are more toward the larger picture.

To just tell you “it is your stuff” wouldn’t make me much of a yoga teacher. While that may be completely “true” it is, as you illustrate, overheard and oversaid without much depth.

Where do I enter an environment and disrupt others?
Do I come into situations where others have expectations to which I am oblivious?

#17

I also have few students who are CHRONICALLY late. I spokes with them and explained that they miss the very important part of the class. But I think they just do not like or understand the meditation and pranayama part of the class. They want to jump in right in to warm up:(

#18

[QUOTE=KrisR;51793]I have. Spoken with the teacher. It bothers her too but she hasn’t made any effort to stop it.

I agree - I have two choices. I’d prefer to accept it and keep going to the class but I need help finding acceptance.

Ideas?[/QUOTE]

You mind has created a division between those that arrive early/on time and the two that arrive late.

My advice here is try and relate to them. Make a little small talk with them after class. Find out who they are and what they are about. Basically make an effort to relate and befriend them. You might find out you have far more in common with them than not.

Division results in tension. Sometimes it’s out of our control, but often times the divisions are created only in our minds and have no real basis in reality. If we can observe the mind create the division then we can dissolve the division simply by allowing our focus to remain detached from it.

Ask yourself this. How disruptive are they really? Is it so much that they are completely disruptive or is it possible that your focus is not yet strong enough to remain in the class even over their noisy entrance? Watch your mind and your inner thoughts for the real answer.

BTW I don’t know your full situation or you so please just look at my comments as more of a general advice. I mean no disrespect to you. :slight_smile:

#19

Maybe these ladys are your true teatchers!

#20

You’ve all given me much to think about - for that I am thankful.

gnulnx - I have gotten to know these two ladies as the group goes out for coffee after yoga class. Honestly…after thinking about all that you have suggested, I think I just don’t like them and so I am hyper sensitive to their poor behavior.

They [I]are[/I] disruptive - but perhaps more so to me because I have drawn attention to it and I focus on it. This week I’m going to practice acceptance. I’ll also try to position myself in the far side of the room so when they do arrive 10-15 minutes late, I am not physically disturbed as much.

Lascar - you may be right. :slight_smile: Perhaps if I can learn acceptance with these two ladies, then I can practice acceptance in other areas of my life with more grace & dignity.