Hello,my new friends

Community Welcome New Members
#1

hi,

I’m Tina from China. I practise yoga for seven months, meditaiton for 11 moths.

I often suffer gloomy moods ,and I also often think about committing suicde. it is too bad, isn’t it?

about one years ago I met a person who said maybe the meditation can help me and made me enjoy my life. this was the begin of my yoga journey.

yes, sometimes, I really feel better and I can find the happiness of life through doing yoga, but most of the time, I still think of committing suicide…

Could I become a member of you and discuss yoga& life together? I inisit that the life was beautful just I haven’t found it yet.

#2

Dear Tina,

you don’t have to ask, please feel most welcome to the forum :-)!

#3

:slight_smile:

thank you very much

#4

Hi, Tina.
As one who has moved through clinical depression with the assistance of American doctors, I hope you will also give aerobic exercise a try. Go for a run – sweat and breathe hard. Sometimes that’s the one thing missing to help clear the cobwebs and let your light shine through.
I’m glad you’re part of the forum!

#5

Warmest welcome to the forum Tina—you are an important part of our community here.

My dear teacher told me once, during a difficult time in my own life, that when you feel you must close off from others, because of the mistaken belief that you are too difficult to be around, that you must recognize that, more than ever before, you need to be out among other people. To have their lightness buoy you and to help you clear your eyes. There are many ways to support yourself, to ask for support for others, during difficult times: prayers, mantras (which protect your mind), exercise as Techne offered you, breathing practices. I have seen that jumping directly into sitting meditation is often difficult, and sometimes counter productive, to lifting depression. My recommendation would to be begin with mindful practices, like meditation, but with a specific focus which helps to bring the mind and body back together. You can do mindful practices in the simplest of situations: peeling an orange, washing dishes, getting into your car. The idea is to be present and aware of every detail and every moment of the experience you are having. For example, picking up the orange, feeling the skin, describing the skin in your mind, smelling the skin deeply, etc. Step-by-tiny-step, be present to every detail of it. Gently returning you mind to your present moment of whatever it is you are doing. Begin with a 5-minute practice, add minutes slowly over the course of time, as your mind is likely fatigued from the depression. Our minds, like our hearts, are so tender and need gentle, mothering kindness from even ourselves. Mantra is also excellent, it a friend to us and it truly protects our minds, working on the subtlest levels. When one may feel inclined to caste off one’s bodies because of desperate feelings, Yoga Nidra practices can help us stay embodied where we must be to overcome the situation at hand. Nidra is deeply nourishing and offers us rest that restores us, not like too much sleep which may further depress out endocrine system and our mental state. Richard Miller has beautiful sensing and Nidra CD/book combo that I use myself and with my clients too. Swami Muktidharma is my own Yoga Nidra teacher and I also recommend his CD to guide you through the practice.

There are many threads on depression here that may be useful to you. Please search for what we have here, especially the older threads in the Spirit’s Path forum of Mukunda’s. He is my teacher and he is a jewel of protector.

Kindest wishes for you,

#6

hi my friends,

I really met many problems in the sitting meditation. All my meditation knowledge I get from my meditation teacher. He said it was insight meditation. He also told me kinds of meditations exist in this world. Besides sitting meditation he also taught me walking and lying meditation. I found walking meditation is best for me, maybe is it easier than the other two. But unfortunately, no matter walking, lying or sitting meditation, I just can do them when I am normal. Once the gloomy mood come again, I cannot do nothing meditation, I even cannot do the yoga posture. Last night I spend lots time in searching the suicide knowledge, I’m really sorry for myself. Hope the yoga and meditation really can help me in this way.
Thanks for your help and information, I would have a try, it is time to give up the hard sitting meditation of a couple of days.
Nidra is new for me, I just heard of it before but had nothing detail knowing. Learning it and practicing it all by myself will be okay? Won’t it bring some counter productive if I made some misunderstanding of them?
I just searched some threads of Mukunda’s. yes they are really fantastic, I will read them carefully and try to learn from them.
Thank you very much, you are really kind to me

#7

One should be able to safely do Yoga Nidra practices through resources like Miller’s and Swami Muktidharma’s CDs, I know these practices well, but if you are having a difficult time keeping yourself safe in your own thoughts or experiencing any suicidal thoughts, I kindly, and strongly, encourage you to have professional support available to you before beginning anything else. Yoga and meditation teachers can support you in many ways, but only those who are additional trained and licensed should be acting in a medical-type capacity with you. I want to encourage you to get the help of professionals who are trained to work with people in times of emotion and psychological crisis, this should be the foundation of your care right now and, if appropriate and recommended by your doctor, yoga and mediation could likely be a support to you too. Yoga and it’s many aspects are no substitute for the care of a medical professional and you are too precious to have anything less than very best for your care. Take your own ideas that you have for self-care, like the Yoga Nidra and meditation, and talk with your doctor (or therapist) about them. Make sure that everyone around you is aware of your practices as way to support you in your healing and to assist you so that you can feel your very best that much sooner.

With my deepest respect to you,

#8

Hi Tina,

I’ve been there. Interestingly enough, I now realize that going through depression and suicidal thoughts wasn’t really a “bad” thing, it was what I needed to experience because I wasn’t properly attending to the proverbial demons within me and it was a wakeup call.

For the longest time, I tried to push away those feelings through western medicine and other practices. Not that long ago I realized I needed to face those feelings and embrace them. To truly feel them. Only then did they begin to transmute. Otherwise we tend to bury them back down deep again.

Such feelings are due to experiences from the past surfacing. It’s an OPPORTUNITY. Connect to a greatful feeling for the chance to face these demons, muster the strength of that internal spiritual warrior I promise is within you, and experience evolution.

#9

David – congratulations on your transformation.
Did you find that any of western medicine was able to help you, or did it only ever mask the spiritual difficulties you needed to confront?
If so, my experience was quite the opposite. In facing the spirit side of my depression I grew attached to the darkness. It took an approach from physiology (medicine, diet, and exercise) to give me a view of what a healthy loving mind looked like from the inside. (I was depressed for a long time before it resulted in something bad enough to make me ask for help. My perspective on what life should feel like was . . . off.)

So, Tina, I hope you have a doctor or counselor or solid friend (someone who gets to see you and talk to you and can tell you when you’re trying to fool yourself) who can help you try every technique you need, and move on from any that aren’t helping. The internal spiritual warrior has many weapons, and will draw the next one if the first one isn’t right.

#10

Thank you, though it is far from complete :slight_smile:

I don’t regret taking anti-depressants because I didn’t have the tools at that time to cope with what I was experiencing. All I knew was western medicine. Those meds made me little more than a zombie. They completely numbed me out and I actually had to release the trauma they created within my body. I know in my heart that they prolonged my recovery because I had to reestablish a relationship with my body, mind, and soul. Those meds robbed me of all three.

Diet and exercise was key for me. I used to be a professional athlete. After retiring, I entered deep anxiety and depression to the point that I had to move back home. When I was at my worst, my mother literally had to walk with me 30 feet to the corner (for exercise) at which point I couldn’t take anymore. I went from being a professional athlete to someone who couldn’t walk 100 feet outside. Quite humbling :slight_smile: I also had to completely cut out the fast food, sodas, sugar, and many other unhealthy diet choices I had been making.

#11

There are so many causes of depression that it is not uncommon to see such disparate stories as Davids and Techne’s in one session.

Please remember that what works for one individual may not work for another. Some people need the chemical stimulus of a medication to help them and others need to adjust their lifestyles in different ways. What is common to everyone is getting support and the recognition that they are NOT alone.

In that spirit Tina, welcome. This place is a safe and wonderful place where we hope you will find many friends and share your yoga journey with us. We are glad you found us.

#12

Hi Nichole,
Yes, I also think I need some professional support in my yoga and meditation. But I don’t think my yoga teachers are trained and professional enough. I just know I have to pay much money for his class and he even don’t like answering my question after the class. I always think he just want to make a big profit on yoga ‘business ’! There are less really trained yoga teachers here, and less people really like yoga in their heart. Most of them just take is as a normal sport, like football, basketball, etc. Maybe it is why I come here and find someone who really like yoga to share my feeling and life…
And yes, I have a good meditation teacher, he is a fantastic yogi. Maybe I should introduce this forum to him. .

Hi David,
Thanks for your reply. Could I shake hands with you? Sometimes I also don’t hate my depression and suicidal thoughts, I know I cannot wipe out such thoughts entirely forever, they have become a part of me. My meditation teacher told me that I can do meditation anytime, maybe I should try to do meditation when I’m in the suicidal thoughts, but I regret that I always forgot meditation when I was really suffering that thoughts.
Yes, I like your word: OPPORTUNITY, very much.

Hi Techne,
I have a doctor, he is a Chinese traditional doctor (I don’t know whether you have heard of the Chinese traditional medicine or not, which is very different with the western one) .he said, in a doctor’s opinion, the help I can get from the medicine would be very limited, he also hope the regular meditation practice can make me better.

And Alix, thanks for your warm welcome, wish we can have a wonderful yoga journey together.

#13

Tina, I’m so glad you are back. It is very difficult to find the right teacher isn’t it? I hope you will find someone that is a good fit for you.

I am glad to hear that you have a good meditation teacher. I hope you will work closely with this person to help you walk through some of the darkness.

This is only my opinion so please take this in the spirit it is offered. I do not think it is your best practice to meditate on your darker thoughts. Perhaps instead you can simply “be” in your body and acknowledge that you have these thoughts but recognize that they are [B]just[/B] thoughts and they do not define you. It is very easy to become so enmeshed in those dark thoughts and feelings and this would not serve you well in your journey. Acceptance of the existence of these thoughts, but striving to move beyond them is more the key.

I do not know how much “western” medicine you have available to you, nor would I presume to diagnose you, or tell you your Chinese doctor is incorrect. I [B]do[/B] know that for many people, taking some kind of medication helps to regulate their brain chemistry enough for them to move forward and work in other areas (such as meditation) to get past the darkness. I hope you will consider this information.

I am sending you peace, love and harmony in my daily prayers.

#14

Hi Tina,

[quote=starb6;14294]Hi David,
Thanks for your reply. Could I shake hands with you? Sometimes I also don?t hate my depression and suicidal thoughts, I know I cannot wipe out such thoughts entirely forever, they have become a part of me. My meditation teacher told me that I can do meditation anytime, maybe I should try to do meditation when I?m in the suicidal thoughts, but I regret that I always forgot meditation when I was really suffering that thoughts.
Yes, I like your word: OPPORTUNITY, very much.[/quote]
I only accept hugs :slight_smile: hug

I used to suffer from severe anxiety. I’d get panic attacks where my heart would race and it would feel like my throat was closing. I took western drugs for this and the issue was numbed for years. But in the end, all I did was push it deeper, the karma was still there. Over time, that anxiety came back because it was something I HAD to face. One day I felt the anxiety and decided, “Screw this, if I’m going to die, I’m going to die dancing”. I strapped on my ipod and started dancing. The feeling of panic intensified and then something moved in my body. I fell to my knees and began to cry and cry and cry. I knew what I was crying about and I knew what the feeling of anxiety was from. True transformation took place and that negative emotional charge was gone from my body. I no longer get that feeling of anxiety but I am so very greatful that it was something I experienced in life.

In my opinion, the vast majority of disease, both physical and mental, comes from past experiences that were not properly integrated. To truly integrate these experiences correctly, we have to go THROUGH them. It’s not easy, in fact, it can be downright hard. But it IS a blessing to have the opportunity. The key is to take your time. There’s no rush, the journey is half the fun.

Alix and I disagree in some ways, but I definitely agree with her statement of,

If I was having suicidal thoughts, I would:

  1. Find a quiet place to sit and meditate.
  2. For at least 15 minutes, sit and breathe in and out without pause between breaths.
  3. Observe the FEELINGS in my body. Don’t think, just feel. If a thought comes to mind, observe it but do not attach yourself to it.
  4. Let the feelings in you intensify of they so desire. Sit still and be with them.
  5. Let whatever wants to come up, come up. If you need to shake, let your body shake.

This has helped me a lot but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll be right for you. If it feels like it might be right for you, give it a try, if possible, with your meditation teacher present.

In the end, suicidal thoughts aren’t a “bad” thing in my opinion, it’s simply an experience. YOU don’t need to change, you’re already perfect. All that needs to change is the quality of your life experience.

Much love to you!

hugs

#15

hi, David,

Thanks so much for your reply. and thanks for your hug. :slight_smile:

I can understand your severe anxiety you suffered in the past. I 'm crazy in reading your description of your experience. they are just what  I have been experienceing and don't know how to describe. In this way, thanks again.

You really gave me some good directions, some of them, I'm trying to do, and others, I know they would be a little difficult for me .  anyway, I will do my best to try them.

 and, really hope what you said about the suicidal thoughts were right-- they are not a bad thing, it just is bittersweet....  But I really hope I can overcome these thoughts and all the negative feelings and thoughts... I also have some enjoyable time occasionally, and that feeling really is fantastic, better than the gloomy ones.

Hug all of you again, thanks for your help all. I 'm so lucky for knowing all of you.

Tina.

#16

Hi Tina,

I also suffered from depression once…I was away from my family in US midwest during December. I suddenly suffered from depression. I think what saved me was Vipassana meditation. Also I started Yoga practice. Now also whenever I have any negative feeling I just watch the breath and not let the negative feeling gather…Within a minute the feeling goes away…I really think you can recover and live a great life…Life is beautiful…enjoy it…

#17

Hi Tina,

I’ve been somewhere similar myself in the past. And i guess i may still have my blue thought the odd occassion now and agin. But that was before i understood better the human potential for self-transformation through my own experience of yoga, introduced to 3 years ago.

The problem with jumping on this train ,(i.e suicidal thoughts) is that you tend to develop tunnel-vision so that you are convinced it is the most sensible solution.

The fact you have opened up here ,( takes extra courage and strength if you feel down,)and found yoga would seems like you have made some progress here, as yoga is quite the antithesis, that’s to say, a train heading in quite the opposite direction-towards growth, transformation ,regaining of youth,connection with the absolute, and all that.

Youll find alot of warm folk here to bouy you up…

I appreciaite your point ,Tina about yoga for business, or asana teachers that did’nt act in a wholly professional manner( on mentioning injuries or issues in my case, they could not spare the attenion or handled it kinda poorly ,luckily most teacher i’ve encountered were fine, just the odd one was problematic.) finding the right asana teacher can be tricky,i agree.One mightnot gel with them completely or they dmight know their stuff , quite often,but the style does not entirely suit. I won’t go into details of the cases where they did not act wholly professionionally or handled a diffcult student kinda poorly(i.e myself) in my view as i’ve learnt, as david pointed out verywell in his intro here, that even yoga teachers are certainly not perfect., some even suspetcin terms of the deepeer yoga they profess to do,I would say go with your gut, in this respect, if it just did not [I]feel[/I] right for me( i’m thinking of one tibetan lama though i could i guess be mistaken, trust you rinstincts)

regarding the context of your thread though, I have been theere and it can be quite a dark place .

Money and yoga do often seem to be in conlflict. I appreciated your coments about teachers not practicing entirely to the true spirit of yoga.

You Seem like an intelligent woman and i think you can heal

For now,I’m glad you’re here.
And Very nice to meet you.

Hugs+Smilies