Hugging oneself

Yoga Discussion Structural Yoga Therapy
#1

Q 1 - But I have more questions for you… It came from your instruction to “persist in the Tantrik sadhana and learn to hug more deeply to your own Spirit”. It is the learning to hug more deeply to my own Spirit. I have a newly uncovered block with that instruction. It seems that I can freely and openly hug others but not myself. Does this diminish the love that I give to others ? Or will sharing my love and energy with others help me to love myself ?

   Q 2 - This block is a small hard kernel nut that resides in the center of my chest.  I feel discomfort where it is right now and sometimes it is catches my breath and I cannot breath deeply.  Of course, I just released a deep sigh and the discomfort is reduced...  

         At one level, the outside layers of this nut, is the little girl spirit that feels rejected, dejected, unloved and unworthy.  I would like to say it is the result of the poor relationship that I had with my father but he now lives in my heart and I have forgiven him and I love him.

Nevertheless, this feeling still persists and it colors my responses to any perceived rejection by a man. I identified that I was holding on so tenaciously to a perceived rejection by a possible male employer ( so much for aparigraha…) At least, now identified, I let it go.

Q 3 - Armed with the knowledge of yama and niyama, I am using it to evaluate my thoughts and actions.  And I am horrified by how much violence I have towards myself.  I have been taking greater care of myself by lovingly preparing my meals and giving myself oil massages but these are interspersed with working late, and ignoring my need for rest and relaxation.  But now I know better.

I am also focusing on this kernel during my practice. In my pranayama practice, I massage the nut with my in breath, and allow the out breath to remove the loosened layers of rejection. In my meditation practice, I remind the little girl nut how each of the goddess love her, and how much each mortal being that I know loves her. I hope that this helps her because inside of that nut is the limitless ocean of love and compassion that has to be released. I also massage this area during the opening suppressed energy practice. The feeling subsides for awhile but then returns. What else may I do ?

#2

A - By sharing hugs one can experience three possibilities - giving, receiving, and/or being love. A Tantrika has all three options. But they usually chose the third. The first two are for teaching others how to give or receive. The third is rarely available with another person so must be shared with their partner or consort as a sadhana until it learned fully.
This learning to experience only love; then it can be available to others.

A 2- It does not matter the source of this.  What matters is that you remember the process of energy block removal as taught in early Tantra lessons I sent and apply same basic procedure.  Sometimes the blocks are not merely knots in the pranic flow but they can encounter what is known as a granthi.  This is a much deeper knot of karma that can be located there in heart, gut or pelvis.  Hence they arise in one of 3 chakra regions but are not really on that 2nd dimension or kosha.  They are on 4th kosha, at the level of root of physical karma.  They are removed by persistence to just be love.  Not by making amends to some imagined harm in this life or recent past lives.  

A3 - You are doing what you can and that is most beneficial.  Also remember the Karuna Kriya massage process doing that with love for your emotional and karmic heart and other sensations of your physical body will help nut to crack.  Draw your spiritual teacher to you to have those hands present on or under yours so that love is given freely to what is difficult karma.  Watch other parts of your body to respond and give them loving touch too.  Be spontaneous and allow any part of your body to heal in harmony with this deep wound.  Blessings.