ever since childhood, i’ve been thinking and fantasizing a lot. i even act out my fantasies, running to and fro, as if i really live in my imaginations.
now that i am already 21, i still do. and i am already tired, even at the point of thinking death as a solution.
i read a post by a vipassanna teacher on facebook that that meditation cannot absolutely cure depression and depression may even hinder the coming of the desired results from the meditation. he/she even said that they are meditation masters, not psychotherapists.
i once attended a pranic healing basic course and learned a lot from it, but i cannot say that i was transformed. i am still hurting inside, hypersensitive, lacking confidence, and thinking a lot.
i try to follow all the teachings in pranic healing, but i always backslide. i really cannot relax my mind, it feels like i am battling with my mind which i can never put under control. i am thinking that if i die, all my thoughts will die with me… and that is the end of my problem. i am already tired of being deprived of inner peace and quiet.
there is a person that i want to become, and i cannot drop that desire. i want to be a handsome, intelligent, strong and confident individual, like my favorite anime characters Killua and Shalnark, but i feel i can’t, and it adds more to my frustrations.
what am i going to do? i don’t even know what condition i have. i try breathing deeply to relax my mind, but it won’t work. how to change my life?
i ahve heard that death is necessary, but not actually a physical death but death of who you are to give way to a new you.
but, what step am i going to do now? i am so tired. i feel spirituality doesn’t work. i don’t even think psychotherapy will. is it a matter of time?
please, i want answers from people like you, who embarked on the journey of finding inner peace, the Real Self and the meaning of life. your advice will be greatly valued.
namaste.
My friend,
Some not so sweet facts first. You have a tough job on hand. To undo 21 years of struggle and habits needs at least a few years. First of all give up “pill mindset” and expect to get tangible returns only over a period of 1 to 2 years. Secondly, fantasizing is sub-consciously running away. You need to figure out what part/ things threaten you in life. Most probably that’s where the real problem is. That done, everything else is good news.
First, your situation is not at all unique. People may be affected only less or more; but everyone of us indulges in day-dreaming. Grieving over the past and fantasizing the future is our mind’s standard pastime. Difference between yourself and others is that many are not even aware, while you acutely are. But that’s a second good thing. This awareness by itself is standing aside of your mind’s fantasy trips. So, your job is a lot simpler than the most. You have to mold that awareness of mind-chatter and make it stronger so that the mind remains occupied in the awareness and not in fantasizing.
Mind is so subtle that you cannot control it physically. If mind and memory are like sea, thoughts are like waves. They will occur come what may. Not all thoughts are bad. Daily living is entirely based on thoughts. That means 2 things: mind can only be held into something away from thought-making; and what creates the thoughts (as wind creates waves) needs to be tamed.
You have rightly observed that no external effort matters unless there is total conviction that “I have to change” and that, “I CAN”. There are some simple things you can do yourself. First, in order to deal with a subtle thing like mind, what other subtle thing you can practice on? Simple, breath!! So, do any simple breathing exercises but watch the air with closed eyes. Be conscious of its mass, temperature, humidity, force and whatever else. More than deep breathing that needs effort, learn diaphragm breathing that is natural.
All this activity will engage mind and before you know, your thought formation will slowdown. Then, with eyes closed and sitting still & erect, start creating a though that fantasy thoughts need to take a break. Do not fight with the fantasy thoughts but create a new thought stream. You will suddenly experience a stopping of thoughts. It will come and go but in the process you will learn “how to”. Then, its just practice, practice & practice. Good luck.
Could you spend some words here outlining your current practice above and beyond “I try to follow the teachings of Pranic Healing”?
You mention vipassana meditation but no mention of a practice therein.
You’re on a Yoga Forum but no mention of another meditation practice, an asana practice, any study or application of Yoga philosophy etc. Finally you mention a disbelief in spirituality but allude in no way to what you are doing to foster such a connection.
I believe this has remedy however it requires a bit more pointed feedback from you. The general feeling of what is going on for you is helpful but an incomplete picture.
I fully expect you’ll revisit this thread and add to it and anxiously await your feedback.
thank you for the replies.
suhas tambe, your words are very poignant. and innerathlete, you made me re-think of the difference between doing and practice.
i’ve been studying meditation since 2010, but can’t absolutely say that it is a part of my life. i always find at least some minutes everyday to watch my breath, but there are days that i will miss since i just live at a boarding house right now and when there are people there who play there radio, talk and everything, i’d just rather read or do something else. i am still a beginner to meditation since all i could do before was just read about it.
i try to follow the three virtues shared in the seminar: loving and non-injury, generosity and non-stealing, honesty and non-lying. they say that what we do to others will come back to us in greater intensity because of the law of karma, and that is what i try to follow.
but i find myself being mean at many times… i hate myself… and i also hate other people. i feel so low when i am around them. i am very impatient.
when i had a talk with one of my friends in pranic healing, he used a pendulum and he asked if the challenges that i am experiencing right now are a payment to a karmic debt. it said yes.
when i meditate, i also always find myself like wrestling with my mind… but most often, what happnes at the end is that i just fantasize or roam around the room imagining things.
i am really sorry, first for my english, i am not sure if i express everything well… and because i seem to have no patience. i don’t practice well. but i really don’t know what to do, where to go, what kind of practice to take. is it really spirituality that i need? or psychotherapist?
I have a mood disorder and find that the more regularly I practice Asana the more stable and grounded I am. More than a decade ago I did some ten day silent retreats in Vipassana. The principles and confidence taught were extremely helpful.
Patience and application.
I have also realized that I can’t necessarily CHOOSE to be something I am not.
YG
Thank you for adding to your story.
Spirituality is such an abused word and concept. It is overused, misused, misunderstood, and confusing by and for many.
It is however really quite simple. There are those things which take you closer to your self, toward the light that is inside of you, toward your soul or spirit. And there are those things (actions, thoughts, behaviors) which take you away from the above, away from your spirit. To move in the first direction, to foster that connection, to earnestly get in touch with who you are at your essence (bypassing the trickery of the Ego) THAT is spirituality. Frankly it is there for everyone but exists in so few lpaces it is difficult to find a helpful model to follow.
I personally believe we are all here to foster this connection. And at the same time we each have our own mission or purpose (for the soul, not the ego as they are quite different).
If YOU believe something will work or you believe it will not then you are right, in both instances. That is to say when you find something wholesome to pursue and you’ve checked it out to make sure it’s wholesome, then you must also have thoughts which will support rather than impede.
Death is not at all a solution. In the yogic context you’ll merely come back with the same unsolved stuff to have another go at. Don’t be fooled into thinking this stuff fades away when the physical YOU erodes. It simply isn’t so as the spirit leaves the body and continues the journey. Get it done here and now.
Attend to this stuff and be gentle on yourself as you encounter each experience. Find a practice that resonates with you and moves you toward rather than away from the light. Find a teacher that practices what he/she preaches, lives what they speak and dedicate yourself to something regular. The benefits come from a regular ongoing practice of some merit with sound direction, coupled with your willingness to change and urge to grow.
Well said Gordon.
thank you so much suhas tambe, grace and inner athlete for sharing your wisdom. i didn’t make a mistake in sharing my problem here. i will visit here as often as i can to learn much things as possible.
the truth that when i die, my spirit will continue its journey is very poignant. then it could be that what i am experiencing right now is really a part of my journey.
thank you really and i will learn here by frequent visiting. i hope i can ask here my questions, i have a lot.
namaste.
It is nice to know that our warm words were received well. Writer simply writes, it is words of wisdom to some and an argument to fight with for others.
I have an interesting experiment for you. Please try it.
‘Birth, death and experiences in between’ is how life can be described. Birth, for entry into a physical form and death, preparing for the next, is orchestrated by our more subtle selves. Since we do not know the subtle yet, birth and death are better left to that.
When it comes to experiences, we tend to forget that those are happening TO us. Instead we indulge, be those experiences and take them too seriously to suffer. On a beautiful beach one doesn’t intensely observe the waves and get involved in each one of them. We watch them and think of the ocean - its vastness, colors, rhythm of the waves, the sky that descends in it. If we are more relaxed we would just take this in, without any need to put words to it. And in one insightful moment we will think of the planet, of the nature’s cycles and of people, not as individuals but as a community.
My study and self-experimentation has convinced me that experiences are like waves. We have to live through them and not “in” them. We have to watch not indulge. We have to take away the insight, the understanding, the learning; not take themselves on our back. At every given opportunity, especially in tough times, try to stand aside of your own self and watch. This is easier said than done. But I assure you that a small beginning and little determination will put you on a path that only gets more joyous by the day.
In honesty I don’t care for the spiritualist aspect, but I think seeking it for psychological help is not always healthy.
As someone who has depression even now, and suffered a lot from it in the past, my points are here:
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Yoga/Spirituality/Meditation are not the solutions for a clinical disorder like depression and fantasy related problems. When I had depression, I sought medical help from a psychiatrist. He prescribed me some anti-depressants and mood managing medications. I am quite sure, you will get medications for your condition as well from a good doctor. However, I must say that, medications will have some side-effects and the doctors generally advice to do some walking daily to minimize the side-effects.
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Please note that all psycho-somatic conditions like depression, have some root cause in the mind and as well as in the body. What I mean is that, there could be hormonal imbalances. First one need to rule out/manage those physical aspects.
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Please do not expect miracles out of spirituality. Nobody in this world has sane mind and thoughts for 100% of time. Even the most accomplished yoga gurus have ‘good mind state’ for a matter of minutes.
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Try to minimize ‘external waves’ like lot of TV/internet/video games. What these external waves create is a ripple in your thought process. And too much of these waves will generate unnecessary things like depression/fantasy/day dreaming. And that forms a loop that may go to thoughts like “death may be a solution”. (I have been through this).
Hope this helps…!!
- (A survivor of depression
Yoga can help as part of a treatment plan, but I agree in itself it cannot help.
Spirituality = Truth; if one overlooks the primordial illusion (mithya/maya) so be it, if one wants to dissect yoga or exhaust themselves in the three ring circus religion/philosophy/occult to further enforce the illusion so be it, if one feels compelled to recognize the false as false and wake up to Reality so be it.
BTW to the original post, I have no direct experience with depression and I’m not addressing that part of your post, I hope things work out for you. Amir Mourad does have direct experience with depression and I’ve seen post he’s made here claiming yoga was instrumental in allowing him to step out of it, you can also find him on Facebook.
hello again.i read every post and i learned. i will take your advice. very wonderful.
namismybabe, i will see a doctor as soon as i can.
[QUOTE=chad-sama;84475]ever since childhood, i’ve been thinking and fantasizing a lot. i even act out my fantasies, running to and fro, as if i really live in my imaginations.
now that i am already 21, i still do. and i am already tired, even at the point of thinking death as a solution.
i read a post by a vipassanna teacher on facebook that that meditation cannot absolutely cure depression and depression may even hinder the coming of the desired results from the meditation. he/she even said that they are meditation masters, not psychotherapists.
i once attended a pranic healing basic course and learned a lot from it, but i cannot say that i was transformed. i am still hurting inside, hypersensitive, lacking confidence, and thinking a lot.
i try to follow all the teachings in pranic healing, but i always backslide. i really cannot relax my mind, it feels like i am battling with my mind which i can never put under control. i am thinking that if i die, all my thoughts will die with me… and that is the end of my problem. i am already tired of being deprived of inner peace and quiet.
there is a person that i want to become, and i cannot drop that desire. i want to be a handsome, intelligent, strong and confident individual, like my favorite anime characters Killua and Shalnark, but i feel i can’t, and it adds more to my frustrations.
what am i going to do? i don’t even know what condition i have. i try breathing deeply to relax my mind, but it won’t work. how to change my life?
i ahve heard that death is necessary, but not actually a physical death but death of who you are to give way to a new you.
but, what step am i going to do now? i am so tired. i feel spirituality doesn’t work. i don’t even think psychotherapy will. is it a matter of time?
please, i want answers from people like you, who embarked on the journey of finding inner peace, the Real Self and the meaning of life. your advice will be greatly valued.
namaste.[/QUOTE]
IN whatsoever object thou perceivest,
Know me as the Essence,
As the Idea,
And as the Interior Nature.
Because of this the wise come easily to me
By many paths,
Yet in truth these different roads
Are but a single Way.
:p:p:p
i will see a doctor as soon as i can.
Well, you can see a doctor, but I would like to advice [B]abundant caution[/B] before starting on anti-depressant medication (or for that matter, any psychiatry medicines). The issue with these medicines is that they have side-effects and withdrawal symptoms.
Here is my story:
I had the severe episode of depression 10 years back. I had a job to do and so I was in need of urgent medical help. I consulted psychiatrist and I asked whether Yoga can help me to come out of this. He insisted and convinced me that Yoga alone can not help, but in combination with medicines it will work out. I started on my medicines and I could not continue my yoga practice because of the induced side-effects (like lethargy). So, in effect, I became a slave to these medicines. If I stop the medication (which I tried for five times till now) the depression episodes will come again.
Because of these medicines, over a time of 10 years, I gained 20 kgs. weight and on the way to develop Diabetes (not yet confirmed) and developed fatty liver condition (confirmed).
So, if you are in a very desperate situation, then only go for anti-depressants and medication. And, you need to, most likely, commit to these medicines for your life time.
Otherwise, there are other options to try and see the results:
- Naturopathy and altering your food and lifestyle
- Yoga/Pranayama ([I]Here, I am contradicting my above post[/I])
- Gym and Exercises so that your endorphins will help you.
- Ayurveda ( No side effects)
I am going to try the first option and see whether I can cut back on my medicines in a month or so.