Inappropriate instructor behavior

Yoga Discussion General Yoga
#1

I practice Bikram yoga in a small studio near my home. Today in class, I saw some inappropriate behavior between our instructor and a classmate during our seated head-to-knee poses. The instructor’s hand was down in the front of the classmate’s pants, and he was stimulating her genitals. Both repetitions of the pose. He talked all the way through it like nothing. I’m sure I’m the only one in class who saw this. I was deeply disturbed, and unable to get the image out of my head. I left the class, not with the quiet, reflective, and present mood that I usually leave with, but almost in a panic. My head was spinning, trying to decide: should tell my partner (and possibly alter her practice), should I respond to what I’ve seen, should I stop going to class?

I was molested as a child, and this experience brought back many of the same feelings - uncertainty, confusion, fear, disappointment - and a sense of isolation.

Yoga has been very beneficial to me, and I feel like someone else’s agenda has been imposed on my practice. I’m all for sex, but not in my yoga class. The most disappointing part of this is that I had a lot of respect for this instructor. He owns the studio, teaches 75% of the classes on the schedule, and further, there aren’t any other Bikram studios in my area.

I’m trying to decide - give up group practice, say something, or just try to ignore what I saw?

Any thoughts would be helpful.

#2

Listen to your heart and do what it tells you. No one can make a choice for you. I know you are in a tough decision making now.

I guess from your story she didnt insist of him doing so, so probably they have some intimate relation. Correct?

Maybe he got some excitement of doing the forbidden thing in his class. People do crazy stuff when they are in love or in a crush.

If yoga have benefited you you should not stop it because of this. If you cant stand the sight of him then change your teacher if possible. This is for you to decide no one should tell you what to do. You are grown up and must take the steps your self and this will make you grow.

#3

The behavior is definately inappopriate. Do you think they were enjoying it? j/k. It sounds like the two of them definately have something intimate and kinky going on. If the two of them are ok with it do you think that you shouldn’t be? Yes its something that should be done in private but is it worth quiting a class that you enjoy?

If seeing something like this disturbs you so deeply maybe you need to talk to someone. It sounds like it hit a nerve. I’m really sorry about what happened to you as a child and Im sure you must have worked through it, (therapy, therapy and more therapy). At my job I have seen things that I couldnt believe. Nothing surprises me any more. I was never bothered by people being sexually inappropriate, (maybe its because of my sexual appetite), BUT if it did bother me I would definately confront the people.

If it would make you feel better go and talk to the instructor or just ignore it and enjoy the class. Good luck and hang in there!

#4

If you’ve been going to this particular class, with this particular teacher, and doing so in an ongoing fashion over time, then you are likely familiar with his style of adjustment. It is, of course, important to note that some adjustments are more intimate than others and a teacher pressing into a student’s Iliopsoas or the Rectus Abdominis during a seated forward bend may not be irregular. And from an angle, to a beginner, this may appear to be something that it is not.

If it was not within the above parameters and your perception was spot on without any coloring whatsoever then the aforementioned behavior on the part of the teacher lacks ethics for one conveying yoga. Simply put, it is our job as teachers to create a safe space for the practice AND keep our own gook out of the room. It would be completely justified to discontinue your study with such a teacher.

To make a comparison to one’s workplace, or a night club, or a crowded bus is to compare cucumber to oranges. What we expect from people in the “outer” world, the world not choosing yoga, the world not benefiting from the practice, the world where the vital and mental forces are not centered then transformed in the heart, this expectation is not at all at the level of what should be expected of a teacher of yoga. This is what we as teachers are handed when we accept the baton of teaching. And we as students condone or “vote for” these behaviors with our dollars just as we do when we buy foods from companies that spray pesticides on our vegetables.

The bar has to be raised by the student and met by the teacher. And at the same time, held by the teacher and ratified by the student.

#5

Wow. That is just not cool… I don’t really care if they have an intimate relationship or not, that kind of stuff should never happen in class for exactly these reasons. You never know how other people feel about sexual exploration, or what kinds of associations someone may have, and it’s very unprofessional to expose other students to those actions.
I would find another studio and/or teacher. But unless you had the distinct feeling that his… attentions… were not welcome, I wouldn’t make a deal about it publicly. If you feel like you should say something, speak privately with the studio owner/manager about it.

I can’t imagine the feelings you are experiencing… well actually I can, but I’ll just say that I’m sorry your serenity was so severely disturbed by that. :frowning:

#6

[QUOTE=InnerAthlete;78535]It is, of course, important to note that some adjustments are more intimate than others and a teacher pressing into a student’s Iliopsoas or the Rectus Abdominis during a seated forward bend may not be irregular.[/QUOTE]

Brother Gordon,

Please don’t take offense to this, because it’s intended for the health and benefit of everyone out there: it is absolutely NOT EVER appropriate, as well as highly unnecessary, for any teacher of yoga to touch any student’s Illiopsoas or Rectus Abdominus, or anything even close to it, more or less intimate, under the guise of an “adjustment.” I hope you don’t do it, and if anyone out there is touched by a teacher in this way, you should know that they are sadly misinformed about what their role is as a teacher of yoga. I’m sorry. There is absolutely no argument here folks. It’s lame and can be about nothing other than self-empowerment.

I can only hope you will one day come to agree, for your sake and for the sake of all students out there and any other teachers of yoga out there: Please! Don’t be doing that shit! Absolutely no need or benefit.

Just sayin,'
siva

#7

There is no reason you should have to endure such disrespect. Were I in your shoes I would not return for now. I would practice on my own until I found another place and or waited until these two inappropriate people are no more.

These two will not be around for long, you will see, others have seen what you did also.

Oh and by the way if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, swims like a duck and makes duck noises you can be pretty certain it is not a cat.

#8

Emil,

You certainly have a right to your viewpoint, I respect it, and it is always welcome here (by me) whether it is in agreement or disagreement with my viewpoint.

I am completely comfortable with my view and I don’t require ratification from others to validate it. So no offense taken whatsoever.

gordon

#9

[QUOTE=InnerAthlete;78535]It is, of course, important to note that some adjustments are more intimate than others and a teacher pressing into a student’s Iliopsoas or the Rectus Abdominis during a seated forward bend may not be irregular.[/QUOTE]

Ratification? How about other people teaching out there whom might believe it’s ok to do this because you say so? You feel good about that? You’re comfortable with that?

siva

#10

Don’t know whether it is a solution and how good that is, but there is some merit in an unwritten rule in India to have men teaching men and women teaching women. The physical locations and the practice sessions too are separate. (At least it was traditionally like that; changing very fast.)

#11

[QUOTE=Tropical Yogi;78516]seated head-to-knee poses. The instructor’s hand was down in the front of the classmate’s pants, and he was stimulating her genitals…Any thoughts would be helpful.[/QUOTE]

It is not possible for an instructor to stimulate a student’s genitals in a head-to-knee pose, unless he inserts whole lower arms into her groins and his body lay on top of her back. From the description probably the instructor is adjusting the student’s pelvic tilt and groin, in order for the student to fold forward. This alignment is important in forward fold to avoid lower back injury. Perhaps the instructor uses his fingers & palms in the adjustment? If so, that is not inappropriate.

It would be good to find out the truth, and then make sound decision based on findings.

Best regards.

#12

[QUOTE=antaraayaah;78569]From the description probably the instructor is adjusting the student’s pelvic tilt and groin, in order for the student to fold forward. This alignment is important in forward fold to avoid lower back injury.[/QUOTE]

Dear Antar,

Absolute hog wash and a complete disregard of psychic implications of teaching yoga.

Would you be willing to say what form of training you have had with regard to this type of adjustment? Are you a teacher? Is it something you yourself do with students, or is it something you yourself have experienced in a class situation?

Dear students of yoga, there is absolutely no reason for any yoga teacher to manually make this type of adjustment, and no benefit. Any worthy understanding of technique and benefit in the teaching of any form of yoga, i.e., style, would include the ability to verbally communicate and acknowledge this type of adjustment, hands off, or it just simply is not necessary. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

siva

#13

Dear Siva,

I am a student of Hatha yoga. I only attend class with teachers I have absolute trust, hence skillful adjustments, when necessary and helpful, are welcomed.

Best Regards.

#14

Find a new teacher , try to rid your thoughts of the image by meditation .
Think of the beautiful times you have had in yoga IMHO

#15

Gordon was incredibly nice in his answer to you siva. I am having a hard time containing myself right now, so this post may be somewhat incoherent. I am not a teacher but a student. As I am quite inflexible in the pelvic region, often, though not always, my teacher makes gentle adjustments of my pelvis in seated forward bends. After studying for her for three years (I have had other teachers too) I trust her completely. I understand that you have your own reasons for not wanting to make those adjustments siva, but I do not understand why you must so adamantly dismiss the way many serious yoga teachers work.

To Tropical Yogi: My first thought was the same as Gordon’s, that is it may have been a normal hip adjustment you saw. If it is not too difficult for you, you may try to go back to the yoga studio and watch discreetly how the teacher is making adjustments in that asana, and compare with your memory of what you saw that day. Please don’t think I am not taking your distress seriously, my heart reaches out for you! I very much hope that what you saw was nothing inappropriate, and that you can go back to enjoying yoga.

Take care everyone. Namaste

#16

[QUOTE=Aurora B;78635]As I am quite inflexible in the pelvic region, often, though not always, my teacher makes gentle adjustments of my pelvis in seated forward bends.[/QUOTE]

Aurora,

It sounds to me as though you have built somewhat of an emotional dependence on your teacher, have you not? What a surprise. How did that happen? Is that what he/she wanted? Most likely. Think about it. Would you have that dependence on me? NO. Would you be more flexible by now. Most likely! Why? Because I would be informing you in that asana, empowering you and not myself by giving you support and comfort you do not need. Give this another thought. Any teacher who fosters your dependence on themselves is failing you. (However this is not to say they are doing this intentionally, but rather it is a result of their training, or lack thereof: we can only teach the way we learn.

Gordon is always incredibly nice to me, but not as incredibly well informed as he would like to think. Nevertheless, it is for he and I to sort out, and he doesn’t need you to defend him. Does he? He knows I am actually watching out for him.

If your teacher is supporting the iliac crest and lower lumbar region with open palms during your sitting head-to-knee pose, great. I do the same. Reaching into someone’s inner pelvic region, groin, abdomen, chest, however, isolated, manual manipulation of anything, is completely inappropriate and not proper to learning yoga for the the reasons mentioned above. There is no debate. You have been fooled.

It’s time to tell your teacher to please quit doing what their doing, and do it for yourself. If they can’t help you get results verbally, then they can’t help you. If you need manipulation, go see a therapist.

peace,
siva

#17

In the light of how this thread started it is difficult to write about the trust and reciprocity between teacher and student. To all readers, bear in mind that my experience is with a good and serious teacher. I am not dependent on my teacher, yet I am not equanimous towards her. I do not see that I should be. She is the more experienced and she offers much wisdom to me. I feel gratitude and joy when I see her, and this is part of yoga too. I must have confidence in what she teaches, else I would not progress. In this day and age trust towards a yoga teacher does not come easy, and I consider myself lucky. Siva assumed erroneously that that I have not developed since I started doing yoga. I am much more flexible, more balanced, more focused, more open hearted. But of course it is an ongoing process.

Not for a single moment did I think that Gordon needed defending. Your suggestion of it made me want to laugh, siva. My previous reply was written in deeply felt anger, which I regret. I try to be composed, but our best intentions fail us sometimes.
That?s all folks.

#18

Aurora,

Believe it or not, I am watching out for you too.

Please remain aware of the fact that in doing asana we make ourselves physically, emotionally, and psychically vulnerable in ways we cannot comprehend: it is inherent to doing asana that we are compromised, and there are areas of the body which are obviously more vulnerable than others. Likewise, as your teacher, where I support your weakness, where I aid and comfort you, I also support those vulnerabilities associated with it in ways I cannot control, so when, where, and for how long are sensitive and vital considerations.

Yes, as your teacher, I could make you feel really good, I could rub your tummy and make you love me without you knowing it and you would think “He’s such a great teacher…so kind, so sensitive and thoughtful.” I have the power, as do others, but it is far lesser to the one I choose, which is to teach and empower YOU, rather than myself. Knowing the difference is to me more important than making the “adjustment.”

My words, as always, are meant only for your own good…even I if I sometimes have to beat them into you! I hope everyone out there knows that.

peace and love,
siva

#19

I said ‘I’, and the rest of the class, was in sitting head-to-knee. I don’t think she was in any particular pose. I saw what I saw. Someone’s entire hand down INSIDE the front of another’s pants, hand working in a brisk circular motion . . . yes. But I shouldn’t have to defend. Just believe me. I wouldn’t make something like that up or imagine it, and trust me, I tried to think of what it could possibly be beside what it was.

Anyway, I appreciate all your responses. I’ve gone back to to the studio, though I’ve been trying to go only during the one class a day run by another instructor. If I am in class with the two of them in the future, I will position myself on the opposite side of the room, and in the back, to prevent seeing anything else.

#20

Dear Tropical Yogi, first of all I would like to assure you what I wrote earlier was not meant to demean you or discredit or belittle what you have experienced. I certainly did not think that you “imagined” anything. Your last post gave us very valuable information which was not there in your first post, which made it clear what you saw. This changes the perspective from where I stand at least. It is terrible that you had to experience that, and that this is taking place in your yoga studio.
If you choose to go back to the yoga studio, is there anyone else among the students there that you can talk to, and maybe find a solution or course of action together? Taking action and standing strong is always much easier together than doing it alone. If you speak up about this, you may also help other students that are having similar doubts and feelings as yourself.