Insecurity and over-consciousness with the appearnce

Yoga Discussion General Yoga
#1

recently one of my teammates uploaded a stolen picture of me on facebook. i always brand myself as ugly and on that picture, my eyes were turned up and my pimple marks were very obvious.
that really made my day bad and, oddly, it made me think of just dying. i even wrote a story of a dead perosn being buried which i visualized to be me. until now i still feel bad and there are times that i will be depressed and angry still for that reason. i hate the people who did that, even though it was only a fun for them, because i think it is very obvious that i am avoiding camera and have low self-esteem.

i have been trying to meditate but find myself unable to because my mind is so pre-occupied with that. i also feel insecure woith someone who i have not had communication with since last year.
what can you advice for this? i think i am so attached with my self -image. please help.

#2

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. I too sometimes battle with a touch of insecurity, I think we all can from time to time and that this is so normal. Media makes us feel like we need to look a certain way, but I tend to help myself by making sure I don’t watch tv and movies and keeping my nose out of magazines. Instead I meditate and do my pranayama and asana practice.
I hope you feel better soon:)

#3

thank you for that advice, it is really helpful. it seems that one of the main causes of insecurity is comparison… i will do that also

#4

When there is a lack in belief then there is a need to seek alliance or approval from the external world.

Yoga is the process of shifting your reference point from defining who you are by what is outside of you to defining who you are by what is INSIDE of you. Put another way, the practice directs you to know yourself intrinsically instead of extrinsically.

Continuing an appropriate practice with dedication will, over time, direct you in this way. And said student has the opportunity to learn how to maintain their emotions without peaks and valleys - a middle way, if you will. In the process though it is helpful to surround one’s sef with supportive, empowering friends. If they are stealing from you then perhaps it’s time to befriend others who will not.

#5

"When there is a lack in belief then there is a need to seek alliance or approval from the external world. "

What a quote. This is true. Thanks Gordon!

#6

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel” ~Steve Furtick

In my opinion you need to realize that perfection does not exist-everyone is beautiful in their own ways. I hope through continued yoga practice and meditation you find the root cause of these insecurities and will not let them prevail next time.

Good luck!

#7

Chad-Sama,
Sorry to hear this is making you feel low. I think the others have given you good advice. To perfectly honest, despite not being particularly ‘beautiful’, I have a tendency to feel the other way- to be rather vain and spend far too long looking in the mirror and worrying about how my hair looks and such like. It’s so easy to have over-attachment to the body, whether positive or negative.
I try to remember one of the yoga sutras that says pain comes from regarding the non-self as self. In other words, the body isn’t really [I]you.[/I] When we say I am ugly or I am slim, it will bring us pain. When we can say [I]our body [/I]is this or not this, while realising doesn’t affect the true you, we can be free from pain.
I find this helps and stops be being so silly :slight_smile: Good luck.

#8

Thank you so much… This is very helpful. :slight_smile:

#9

Having lived into my 60’s now I can tell you that outward appearance has absolutely nothing to do with the Inward Person. Those that either concentrate on the outward look or judge others by this usually are defeated by this.
I only wish I had started my yoga practice much earlier in my life so as to save myself from such low thoughts as you are having.
Keep concentrating on your Inward development, through yoga and meditation, and your life will be fulfilling and useful. Helpful to others. Not perfect by any means. But your own song.

#10

I would like to add something:

You should teach people how to treat you as well.
Sometimes people unconsciously treat you according to
what you think of yourself. It’s a great thing you’re already
doing yoga-it’s a step closer to self-improvement.
All you need is to take control of your emotions,
be assertive, but don’t be arrogant.
People will be more respectful of your boundaries .

cheers,
Sexy Yogi

#11

Is it just alright to keep distance while I am trying to become better? The only practice that I do right now is basic pranic healing and meditations. I am not doing very good at meditation, I always get distracted and give up. I will be attending a zen class soon.
In pranic healing foundation, there are nurturing sessions where we tackle profound matters, we do healing and the twin hearts meditation. The twin hearts meditation activates the heart and crown chakra and blessing the earth.
I feel somewhat renewed and more in control of my emotions after each sessions, but it wears off after one day of being with different people and being at work. I go back to the naive, anxious, depressed, restless me.
Maybe I have to be more serious with my practice?
I am starting to understand how shallow physical appearance is… but I still get overwhelmed by the thought that I don’t have it. I don’t have confidence as well, and my communication skills suck. I work in a call center and though I can speak english, there are many times that my accent will not be understood and I stutter.

#12

Hi,
It would be great if you could spend some time on this every morning before you start your day - you said it makes you feel better for a while, so it would be good to develop a regular practice.
Do you do any physical asanas - taking physical exercises are great for self confidence and happiness. And some asanas like the warrior will make you feel stronger and more secure.
Also, there are pranayama techniques and mantras that you can do until you find meditation easier. The bhramari pranayama or bee breathing is really good for improving mental state.
And to me, you seem to write in great English - you should be very proud. Remember - nobody is perfect. If they were, life would be very boring :slight_smile:

#13

Everything/nothing is perfect else it would not be happening. It?s amazing how a finite spec of consciousness can imagine itself as a separate entity able to explain the absolute infinite as something other than it is not.

#14

Dear Chad-sama,

Very wise and helpful suggestions have been offered here with great warmth. Please take a few more steps and make them work for you. Things like meditation or pranic healing are tools and processes that do nothing by themselves. You still remain the craftsman as well as the heap of clay. One has to ensure that the clay is shaping up, for without that the tools do no have any value. So, if you feel need for more serious practice, of course do that; but be more vigilant about change. There will be slippages and the ugly face of the destroyed habits will keep showing up. But that’s a sign that its working and teasing the body cells which are not ready to change and hence rebel.

“I” is such an integral part of our existence that one cannot either shift its outward orientation or restrain its distortion of reality easily. It needs thousands of determined baby-steps. It occurs almost like an implosion.

But, the beauty of yoga is that each such step yields a promise, a glimpse of the new “I”. That keeps us going. Depression is not a cause, but an effect. With the cause corrected, the effect disappears. God is in the details and in living a robotic life we miss the real ‘life’ that is manifest in things surrounding us. Gradually on the yoga path, life starts oozing out of everything. Inert is no more lifeless. The life outside connects our awareness with life inside. Soon we move around as if we are ‘wearing’ a body just as the body is wearing the clothes. This will happen, have no doubt.

#15

Yes, very wise and helpful suggestions indeed. I am so amazed about how wise the people are in spiritual path. I did yoga yesterday, guided by a video I downloaded from the internet, and I felt so much relaxed after. But, again, it only lasted for a little while. It wore off and until now I feel anxious and am thinking obsessively.
I was only able to do yoga yesterday since no one else was at home. I stay in a boarding house and I only have very little space to do yoga. I am looking forward to move to a new place so I can do yoga freely.
Again, thank you for all the advice. :slight_smile: