Is teacher's response to my query justifiable?

Yoga Discussion General Yoga
#1

Hi All,

I have been reading this forum for a long time now and have learnt a lot. Recently I am facing a confusion regarding my teacher’s reply to my query.
I hope you might be able to help me.

I joined iyengar classes some nine months back. These are the only certified iyengar classes available at my place. I was also planning for baby and discussed with teacher that whether I should continue or not. Since iyengar classes are very intensive I was bit apprehensive. She said that I could. Unfortunately I suffered miscarriage six months back. I was continuing with my classes and practice.

Now we wanted to plan again for baby so I asked my teacher whether I should continue such intensive classes or take a break for some time. As I am working, commuting to classes and going to office right after 1.5 hrs intensive yoga class seemed like a risk which we did not want to take this time. She suggested that I should continue till I actually conceive but I was not comfortable. But since they shout a lot when we ask too much question I wrote her a mail. Below is the snippet from the mail

"Mam, though I have been suggested to continue with my practice and classes till I actually conceive, but still My husband and I don’t feel comfortable with continuing such intensive classes even while trying to conceive. Though I would love to do yoga practice at every stage of my life as I have experienced the benefits. Still I don’t want to take any risk however small it is.

So we are thinking of taking a break from classes for some time and continue with low intensity practice at home.

Mam please suggest what should I do."

I got this reply

“Why are you asking my opinion when you have already decided to quit. Its very stupid idea but I leave it up to you.”

Did I do anything wrong? I found answer to be very rude and inconsiderate. I thought she could have been more understanding considering the fact that I recently suffered miscarriage and wanted to be bit more careful this time. I was only taking about taking a break not quitting.

It also seems that I would not be able to join the classes again as she shouts a lot when somebody argues or asks a lot of questions or goes against her wish. But it is the only iyengar institute near my place.

Sometime I also feel that since my teacher is very senior iyengar yoga teacher and is kind of an example herself of what miracles yoga can do, may be being a beginner I am not able to understand her harsh behavior.

Any help would be welcomed.

#2

Sorry to hear about your story. Of course it is very rude reply to your question - especially knowing how sensitive and important this subject is for you.

I have this approach to this problem: yoga is mostly introspective effort. Areas of development related with practice may not include emotional and interpersonal development, especially if someone is focusing primarily on Asana. And lot of people become yoga “teachers” because of glamour of yoga and not because of significant experience and will to serve others. So it is wise not to expect much from teachers and never idolize them (even if they are great people).

I guess you could help this person to grow by giving feedback how her action affected you - but it has to be presented in such way that she wouldn’t feel attacked - maybe bit later when you would feel less upset.

#3

yb23,

The language and tone of your teachers reply speaks volumes. There is never any reason to be so rude or use that kind of language (stupid comment). View this as a gift and begin shopping around for a teacher that more exemplifies yoga. While she may have had a bad day or a myriad of other things, that does not justify her response. Find a teacher that will listen to your concerns and work with you.

Have you considered looking into a prenatal class? You can also take it down a notch and find a more gentle class such as soft flow or restorative. Not sure where you live and if they are even available to you. But it is worth your effort to check into it.

@ Pawel,

Agree with your take that many go into teaching for the glamour, etc. However, I do think a student should expect certain things from a teacher. Respect, knowledge, communication, teaching yoga, a safe environment, compassion…and I could go on and on. While we are not perfect, it is in the “trying” that we learn.

#4

Thanks Pawel and lotusgirl for your kind responses.

@pawel

I agree with your point of giving her a feedback with calm mind.

@lotusgirl

Thanks for your suggestion about searching for pre-natal classes. I am from India but to find a genuine yoga teacher is hard even here.

#5

Perhaps your physician would be better suited to answer this question?

#6

YB23,

To me there are several layers of issue within your question.

First is the concept of personal responsibility and how our choices lead us to particular “lessons” along the path. For all experiences we can pause and ask ourselves “what am I hear to learn, what is the lesson, what am I to be gaining from this experience”. And, of course this introspection or “asking” should not become a situation where we are punishing ourselves or allowing for self-pity.

The system you have chosen is a brilliant asana system. It has been honed and refined by a true master of asana. However in far too many instances the conduit (teacher) has either not learned a full enough practice (and therefore can only teach asana) or has missed the bigger picture in cultivating the art of teaching.

While I agree in part with the content of the teacher reply (there is no need to ask for parental permission when you are an adult and have already deeply decided) I do not at all agree with way in which it was formed nor the tone in which it was delivered. While I would be incredibly honest and direct with my students in all interactions that, for me, has to be balanced with making sure I behaving in a manner which uplifts and empowers students.

As for the practice, when you are trying to conceive there are particulars in the practice that should be observed. My own teacher was a product of this work, administered by Iyengar himself, to his parents in Mumbai (ca. 1960). Further, once the student has conceived the practice should be gentle, calming, yin in nature AND it has very specific parameters for the first, second, and third trimester.

As to being a beginner, all the more reason to be handled as a beginner. A senior teacher has enough experience to understand how to approach a raw beginner, an advanced practitioner and all points in between. This IS teaching.

If you are in Mumbai I can suggest an appropriate teacher.

gordon

#7

Thanks InnerAthlete for your response. I am from Delhi.

#8

[QUOTE=yb23;80639]T
Thanks for your suggestion about searching for pre-natal classes. I am from India but to find a genuine yoga teacher is hard even here.[/QUOTE]

Perhaps you could tell us your location. I am in India and a practicing Yoga teacher at the Sivananda Ashram. Maybe I can help.

#9

@reaswaran

I live near Delhi.

#10

I could not even read the whole thread due to the anxiety I suddenly felt. I needed to speak something right away.
yb23 listen Sister! You are in India and I am from here too. I know we tend to start having too much reverence for our teachers. But please allow me to write this in caps.

GIVE YOUR BABY THE UTMOST PRIORITY. EITHER GIVE UP PRACTICE ALTOGETHER OR REDUCE IT TO A COMMON SENSE SAFE LEVEL, DONE AT HOME , NOT IN A CLASS.

If your teacher shouts at his/her students he/she is not a Yogi at all. Iyengar himself displays this in an interview which I saw on youtube.

We must not forget that asanas have been given way too much importance than was originally intended in Yoga system. The body is going to burn on a pyre in the end and all the asanas are going to be left here in this world. What is going to go on? The mind, the karma, the memories, the tendencies. What is of highest virtue? Cultivation of higher mental states. Asanas are nothing but a platform for that.

I feel better now that I have said this, but before I finish lemme write again, you already have had a miscarriage. please please please DO NOT RISK IT.

#11

If I am understanding correctly your teacher is the one who at one point was paralysed in her lower body and she came out of it with help of Iyengar Yoga. This is a laudable achievement no doubt but when it comes to spiritual world these are not of much value. What is of value is inner virtues of mind especially humility. Let me quote Saint Kabir ji here:
(Kabir ji does not need any introduction I am sure)

ਕਬੀਰ ਰੋੜਾ ਹੋਇ ਰਹੁ ਬਾਟ ਕਾ ਤਜਿ ਮਨ ਕਾ ਅਭਿਮਾਨੁ ॥
कबीर रोड़ा होइ रहु बाट का तजि मन का अभिमानु ॥
Kabīr roṛā ho▫e rahu bāt kā ṯaj man kā abẖimān.
Kabeer, let yourself be a pebble on the path; abandon your egotistical pride.

ਐਸਾ ਕੋਈ ਦਾਸੁ ਹੋਇ ਤਾਹਿ ਮਿਲੈ ਭਗਵਾਨੁ ॥੧੪੬॥
ऐसा कोई दासु होइ ताहि मिलै भगवानु ॥१४६॥
Aisā ko▫ī ḏās ho▫e ṯāhi milai bẖagvān. ||146||
Such a humble slave shall meet the Lord God. ||146||

ਕਬੀਰ ਰੋੜਾ ਹੂਆ ਤ ਕਿਆ ਭਇਆ ਪੰਥੀ ਕਉ ਦੁਖੁ ਦੇਇ ॥
कबीर रोड़ा हूआ त किआ भइआ पंथी कउ दुखु देइ ॥
Kabīr roṛā hū▫ā ṯa ki▫ā bẖa▫i▫ā panthī ka▫o ḏukẖ ḏe▫e.
Kabeer, what good would it be, to be a pebble? It would only hurt the traveler on the path.

ਐਸਾ ਤੇਰਾ ਦਾਸੁ ਹੈ ਜਿਉ ਧਰਨੀ ਮਹਿ ਖੇਹ ॥੧੪੭॥
ऐसा तेरा दासु है जिउ धरनी महि खेह ॥१४७॥
Aisā ṯerā ḏās hai ji▫o ḏẖarnī mėh kẖeh. ||147||
Your slave, O Lord, is like the dust of the earth. ||147||

ਕਬੀਰ ਖੇਹ ਹੂਈ ਤਉ ਕਿਆ ਭਇਆ ਜਉ ਉਡਿ ਲਾਗੈ ਅੰਗ ॥ कबीर खेह हूई तउ किआ भइआ जउ उडि लागै अंग ॥
Kabīr kẖeh hū▫ī ṯa▫o ki▫ā bẖa▫i▫ā ja▫o ud lāgai ang.
Kabeer, what then, if one could become dust? It is blown up by the wind, and sticks to the body.
ਹਰਿ ਜਨੁ ਐਸਾ ਚਾਹੀਐ ਜਿਉ ਪਾਨੀ ਸਰਬੰਗ ॥੧੪੮॥
हरि जनु ऐसा चाहीऐ जिउ पानी सरबंग ॥१४८॥
Har jan aisā cẖāhī▫ai ji▫o pānī sarbang. ||148||
The humble servant of the Lord should be like water, which cleans everything. ||148||

ਕਬੀਰ ਪਾਨੀ ਹੂਆ ਤ ਕਿਆ ਭਇਆ ਸੀਰਾ ਤਾਤਾ ਹੋਇ ॥
कबीर पानी हूआ त किआ भइआ सीरा ताता होइ ॥
Kabīr pānī hū▫ā ṯa ki▫ā bẖa▫i▫ā sīrā ṯāṯā ho▫e.
Kabeer, what then, if one could become water? It becomes cold, then hot.

ਹਰਿ ਜਨੁ ਐਸਾ ਚਾਹੀਐ ਜੈਸਾ ਹਰਿ ਹੀ ਹੋਇ ॥੧੪੯॥ हरि जनु ऐसा चाहीऐ जैसा हरि ही होइ ॥१४९॥ Har jan aisā cẖāhī▫ai jaisā har hī ho▫e. ||149||
The humble servant of the Lord should be just like the Lord. ||149||

#12

I just read the OP again. You are trying to conceive again and not pregnant yet.

My the tone and urgency in my post was based on incorrect reading that you have already become pregnant and still being asked/advised to practice intensively.

In any case I still feel if you can see some risk then avoid taking it.

#13

[QUOTE=yb23;80673]@reaswaran

I live near Delhi.[/QUOTE]

:frowning: I am in Kerala. Try Sivananda Ashram at Dwarka

#14

@lostontheway

Thanks for your suggestions. Also even I think that humility is the quality that should grow with your practice. As goes the saying " a tree laden with fruits is always bent low"

As for the teacher, yes she is the one. She was bed-ridden for almost 12 years and then got cured by iyengar yoga.

#15

Yoga doesn’t cure. It only supports the body’s innate ability to self-heal.

I’m sure this is a semantic point but perhaps worth mentioning for future reference.

#16

That is so correct InnerAthlete!