If you’re feeling tired and spread too thin lately, it may be that you haven’t learned the art of saying, “no.” The word no has such negativity wrapped around it that we find ourselves avoiding saying it. Some may be afraid that it will make them look weak or rude. Or it may be as simple as “we don’t want to look selfish.” The truth is, always being there for people has a price. It can exhaust us and leave us feeling empty and sometimes depressed. When we drain ourselves we can become unfocused and the mind becomes sluggish. We risk making poor life decisions regarding our health, finances, family and careers.
Of course its good to help others. Maybe your best friend just asked you to help her move her belongings into a new apartment, or your Mom needs a hand with cleaning out the gutters. Helping out another individual can give us a feeling of connection, appreciation and joy. And by all means rejoice in your selfless service. That’s what bringing our yoga off-the-mat is all about. But what happens when we say yes too much? Is it really such a bad thing, to be focused on ourselves? Do you feel comfortable saying no, in order to make time for you? Have you made a habit of overfilling your cup with too many responsibilities again? Lets explore some simple scenarios to help us strengthen our connection to ourselves and our ability to, just say no, in order to “refill or well” and recharge our batteries.
Scenario 1. It’s Friday evening and you just got home from work. You’ve had a long, hard week and are feeling rather exhausted. Just as you’re about to cook some dinner and slip into your pj’s, one of your good friends calls you. She’s excited to see you and tells you that her and 3 other people are heading out for dinner and drinks, and that she wants you to join them. What do you do?
You know that heading out with your friends would be a great way to end the work week, and diner in a fine restaurant sounds amazing. However, you politely decline (the no part) and tell your friend that you need to rest-up and recoup from the long work week. You mention that you would love to go out the next time everyone gets together. Not only do you save money by eating in, but you take the time for you to restore. Because of this health decision, you wake up Monday morning rejuvenated and mentally sharp because you relaxed and restored physically and mentally all weekend long. Good for you!
Scenario 2. Your boss approaches you at work and says that tomorrow night they are really short-staffed and since Friday nights are always busy, they could use your help. You have no plans yet for tomorrow evening but have been feeling under-the-weather and you suspect a cold. What do you say?
Although you love your job you politely decline (the no part). You tell your boss the truth, that you haven’t been feeling well and are afraid that one more day of work could push you over the edge from healthy to sick. Your boss, although not expecting a no, should understand that your rest is important to a healthy and productive employee. If not, remind them 
Because of your wise and health-focused decision you wake up Monday morning feeling refreshed, rested and with no signs of a oncoming cold. Good for you!
These are simple life scenarios, but hopefully the point is clear. Taking time for you may seem difficult and rather uncomfortable at first. We live in a society that teaches that being an advocate for yourself means that you are selfish and self-centric. Forget that! I say give your self permission to be there for you first, then you will have time and energy for everyone and everything else.
Blessings
OM Shanti
[I]Kim Fischer, RYT is the owner and director of Lotus Life Yoga. She lives in Syracuse, NY with her husband and enjoys writing, travel and spending time with her family.