Knowing that Kali energy will always lead me to my obstacles, in addition to helping me overcome them, was intrumental in allowing me to become aware of a big block that is present. Knowing that Lakshmi’s love and compassion is always available and is the complementary half of Kali’s energy allows me to be calmer. Providing me with the book about Baba Prakashananda allowed me to hear his stories and open my eyes and my heart.
REPLY: all your spiritual life is going well as far as i can see into you. that is wonderful.
Q 2 - So basically the block that I am speaking off is my relationship with my husband. This is a man that I love very much because of all the goodness that lies within him. Baba's story about heaven and hell helped understand how our relationship was first heaven and then hell. It was heaven because in the begining we were both unselfish and giving to each other. It became hell when we could not give to each other. It still is a kind of hell because while I have opened up, he is still blocked and is locked up within his fear and cannot give. While I have tried so hard to help him overcome this block, he has not taken the responsibility to do so...his movement forward is glacial and circular. I have realized that this is a common behaviour pattern for him both professionally and personally...there is always some reason or the other for remaining stuck or moving forward slowly but it has nothing to do with him. It is no wonder that I did not want to see this. Imagine, doing my best to avoid being in an unloving and uncaring relationship to find myself in the midst of it; only this time, he could love and care but his unknown fears keep him enclosed and far from reach. Faced with this reality, I was not sure that I would join him overseas. But I will honor my vows and move there to live with him. I did have to set limits in order to take care of myself and prevent further hurt. I suggested that we would live together as friends and that we could not have initimate relationships until we are both open and connected on a mental and spiritual level. I also said that I would move forward with my spiritual path because for too long I have waited for him to release his fears and move forward. I also said that I thought that it would be unwise to have a family neither biological nor adopted because all children need to be surrounded by love from both parents and had the right to witness a loving, healthy relationship between their parents in order to become beautiful adults. For my part, I will continue to love him and support him and remain open to him to the best of my abilities. He wishes for hope and a hopeful future. I told him that there are always seeds of hope within me but they need to be nurtured in order for them to blossom...he is their gardener/caretaker. So I remain hopeful that he will find the courage to move forward but I do not depend on it.
REPLY:it sounds taht you have been very forthright and direcct with him in all these topics you are being truthful to me so i suspect that truth will help you both to move on to right relationships and proper level of intimacy or friendship as is needed.
Q - So given these events how do I move forward with my practice and this was on yf.com?
REPLY: just keep on with the tantra lessons and do read about Prakashananada.i can give additional teachings as you need or wish.
Q - In addition, after our session, I am able to feel greater energy in 1st and 4th chakra.
But what is the energy that causes me to tremble and jerk ? is it negative ? Now, I release it by exhalation. Do specific actions cause such energy to arise ?
REPLY:this is signs of kundalini spiritual energies arousing in you. it is most beneficial. more comes from deeper sadhana. my guru wrote about it eloquently in his spiritual autobiography Play of Consciousness. that will help you understand it if needed.
Q - Also, I become less and less aware of my physical body during meditation. Is this how it should be ? Should I not be focusing on breath and muscle tensions instead of disappearing ?
REPLY:you are doing well. all is fine and most beneficial. body begins to dissolve in deeper meditations. the self that is true you is infinite and is formless. this is directly experienced as you leave and come back. a very mysterious process yet you are safe as i am with you to answer all questions and provide guidance. phone sessions are also welcome should you wish.
Q - During the hugasana practice, you were asking about colors...what is the significance of the colors that I saw during hugasana practice ? If I see a color during meditation or energy work, it is usually the purple. Ocassionally, I see a small red dot.
REPLY: color sometimes tells which chakra or kosha one is in. purple is crown chakra. red dot is called bindu it arises from center of Yoni. and from many yantras it is there in center.