Meditation problem


#1

Hi everyone,

I’ve had a bit of a problem recently which has lead me to think I can’t carry on with my yoga practice. I just joined this forum to see if I could get any advice on the matter.

Long story short the last time I meditated I left my body and went really really far away, and couldn’t get back into my body. Not because I didn’t know how to but it actually didn’t exist anymore because I’d realised that it never existed in the first place. So there was nothing to get back into. I went past the illusion of reality as it were, and then reality ceased to exist for me. I was just part of a field of consciousness and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t breathing anymore. Needless to say it was utterly terrifying and when I eventually did get back inside myself I was totally numb. I walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water on myself but I could barely feel it and everything seemed faded. The scariest part is when I tried to explain to my boyfriend what had happened and I got to the part about reality being all an illusion, everything started to fade again. Even posting on this forum now I’m aware that I’m maybe starting to slightly dissociate while I remember that this is all just an illusion!

I’ve decided to never meditate again because frankly I don’t think we should be playing around with it. Ultimately what is the point? If you feel the need to “escape reality” then that’s a problem with your reality because we’re all here right now for a reason. We’re not here to then be going elsewhere. If you want to spend your time elsewhere I’d say you need to work on the aspects of your life you don’t want to live through. In my opinion. I’d also like to add that I’m in no way a mentally unstable person but after my experience if I can definitely see how easy it would be to lose grip and basically just go insane (I feel like I totally get what happened to Jung now).

Anyway, my problem is I really really like yoga. I have problem muscles and joints (fibromyalgia and hypermobility) and have found yoga really great for strength building. I haven’t gone to any classes since this happened though because I don’t want to take part in the meditation at the end!!

I suppose I just wanted to hear from anyone who may have had any similar experiences with meditation and how they then went forward with their yoga practice. I know I should probably just start going to the gym instead but I really really don’t want to!

Thanks


#3

Hi there, thanks for your reply. I don’t do a specific type of meditation. It wasn’t an after yoga meditation though, it was just meditation on its own. I’ve been meditating my whole life (my mum’s very spiritual and taught me as a child) but since I’ve been doing yoga regularly (around 1 year) every time I meditate it’s been getting deeper and deeper, and in a shorter space of time each time. I spoke to my mum and she said that part of the problem is I hadn’t ground myself beforehand and I just need to do that. But I did try recently. I thought ok maybe the world won’t disappear again, and I’ll do the grounding exercises my mum recommended, and I’m sure it will be fine. Well after about 10 seconds I felt myself leaving my body again, so I decided it’s probably not just through lack of grounding and I probably shouldn’t be messing around with meditation any more.

I would say both these times weren’t after yoga though, and I know almost the whole point of yoga is to prepare the body for meditation, so perhaps after a full yoga workout I’d then be ok? To be honest though I don’t really want to risk it. I just want to be able to do the asana part of yoga - although the fact even this is a “moving meditation” puts me off and it what is making me think I probably shouldn’t do this again either.


#4

No one can play around meditation because anyone who thinks he or she is playing around has not yet experienced it. There is either 0 or 1 in mediation experience.

Person who experiences meditation will never go away from that experience.


#5

Hi Soham Yoga Studio, thanks for your input. I found your reply a bit condescending but also quite funny, so I won’t take offence. I actually did some more reading on this yesterday and found lots of others suggesting that the “disappearing body” in meditation, or the “state of no-self” as others call it, is one of the highest levels of meditation you can experience. I wouldn’t have normally replied because I’ve found my answer but I didn’t want anyone else with the same problem as I’ve had to end up on this thread and think your reply is correct. For anyone else reading this who’s had similar terrifying experiences and is thinking of giving up, I’ve found this webpage particularly informative (https://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/09/how-to-disappear-the-3-gates-of-meditation-nina-mel/). I feel much less scared now to try again but I’m also still questioning the point to it. I believe it can be dangerous for the mind to enter such states without proper training or supervision (and anyone who disagrees with this is either ignorant or trying to sell you something), so I’m still doing some soul searching still as to whether I should continue.


#6

I appreciate you did not take offence because I did not intend anything wrong either while writing.

I just shared my views and experience of meditation.
No one can play around meditation but mind is very misleading and it can play around us and make us feel anything (good or bad).

Meditation is very stable and blissful state. It never leads to fear, anxiety, instability, dilemma or confusion.

Again just sharing my experience without any intention of hurting anyone.


#7

Thanks Soham, I understand what you mean. I would disagree though that meditation is a stable state. I have never experiences stability and have always just gone further and further away. Perhaps this is therefore not true meditation, like you say, and perhaps I’m instead having out of body experiences. I agree you probably cannot experience negative emotions during meditation itself, and I probably wasn’t clear but I have never experienced these during meditation itself, only upon realising I couldn’t come out of meditation. Whether I was actually still technically “in” meditation at that point I do not know and don’t particularly think that’s important anyway since it was meditation that brought me to that point.

Anyway, thank you very much for your thoughts. I did feel a little condescended to due to the attitude (that is by no means unique to you) that your experience and knowledge of meditation is the ultimate knowledge, and anyone with questions or a different experience to you is not experiencing what you deem as true meditation. I think it’s important for us all to remember what is our own experience is not the entirety of knowledge on a subject.


#8

My friend, it is indeed amusing, and you have to please search until you find the humor in this. You merely thought you left your body. It was a very basic illusion. Working through you illusions is a big part of meditation; it might even be the most important aspect.

You had a yogic realization; buckle up buttercup because this is just the tip of the iceberg.

This is simply your ego-mind trying desperately to re-frame the experience into it’s past impressions.

You might not like the yogic path! It is not for everyone!

Peace and love upon you, good luck in your practice.


#9

I wish to tell u few things. First of all yoga is the path to enlightment, is not a sport. Classic yoga or raja or ashtanga yoga have 8 limbs- yama, niyama, asana, pranayama, prathyahara, dharana, dhyana (meditation) and samadhi.
Meditation is upon God only. U must follow the previously steps in order to be able to meditate.
Yoga is the union of the soul with God. If u have health problems dont do asanas (the 3d limb before yama and niyama). To follow yoga path u must be vegetarian and keep celibacy also. Yoga is not a easy path, but
if u have faith in God then u have a chance.
Namaste


#10

Hi Omshanti,

Thanks for your reply, your input is very useful. I wholeheartedly agree it was an illusion that I left my body because I now don’t believe I have a real body to leave in the first place! It makes a lot of sense about my ego-mind trying to reframe the experience. I think maybe my ego-mind got a shock and then reacted with fear to gain control over me again. I would agree I’m starting to think the yogic path is not for me. I still don’t really get “the point” of meditating. It’s an enjoyable experience of course and it makes me relaxed after. However, a lot of other things can also do this. I feel like now I’ve experienced elsewhere, I know it’s there now, a lot of my belief systems have changed, but I’m not really sure what the point would be of going back again because like I said in my initial post, surely I’m here on this plane at this time for a reason? I think that’s the bit I’m struggling to understand. I guess if I don’t “get” the point as it were, then it can’t really be for me.


#11

Hi Victory,

I’m well aware yoga is not a sport (hence why I don’t just want to do it for sport, which is what my original post is about. I’m here to seek information and help for the problem I’m having with the meditation side of yoga as I’d like to try continue if possible but just don’t want a repeat of my previous experience). I did, however, always think that yoga (including simple/modified asanas) were good for health and people with illnesses and disabilities were welcomed by the yoga community because of the benefits is can bring (and like I said in the original post, I’ve experienced these benefits for myself). Perhaps I was wrong though and the whole industry of “yoga therapy” is a con to make money and really people who are unwell should be turned away at the door? Which seems to be what you are suggesting.

I think your post is aiming to help me by giving me information on what I may be doing wrong? It’s quite hard to tell to be honest what your post is aimed at but that seems to be its theme. So in response to your “suggestions” I would say I’ve been a vegetarian for 20 years. I do however have health problems and regularly have sex with my husband. So that must be where I’m going wrong and, in which case, I don’t think the yogic path is for me after all.


#12

Hello again,
I guess many people dont know one thing - Yoga is for FREE. No one should take money for yoga.
Only a Guru can teach yoga. Guru in sanskrite meanining - the one who will remove the darkness from a sadhaka or student. Guru can be only a illuminated sage or liberated one , but they are hard to find.
Yoga is for everyone, but not all people can follow this path. To follow this path u need to detach yourself from wordly things arround u and this is very hard maybe thats why some people go to buddhist monasteries.
U are vegetarian, this is very good, but is not enough to meditate. Meditation is upon God only. U must be pure in thoughts and body to be able to meditate. I guess u know about pranayama. Pranayama is not a breathing exercise, is much more than this. Prana is a cosmic energy within us, yama mean exercise. Pranayama is to cleanse your nervous system, so for this u need to keep celibacy, vegetarian diet and u must be able to stay in one asana at least one hour. Asana (or postures) and Pranayama are to bring the prana inside of you. If you dont have prana you will not be able to meditate. Our body is depleted of prana when we love our partners. So if we dont have prana, than thats whywe cant meditate.
Yama and Niyama are ethics steps - to speak true with any cost, dont hate, dont get anger, love all, help anyone u can without expecting something in return, dont harm no one including animals, be good, happy, dont be proud. dont have fear, dont judge others, dont think bad etc. Only afteryou succed with all these u can do asanas. Each asana have his own mantra, that mean when u stay in a yoga asana u must say that mantra or payer is same thing. All the steps from yoga are for meditation. After asana is pranayama then follow prathyahara,dharana, dhyana(meditation), samadhi.
Meditation doesnt mean to close ur eyes and empty ur mind of thoughts, that is mental relaxation. The best medicine for us is the name of God . Faith can do everything, so i believe from my heart prayer will be the easy way for you.
Well, sometime people can get out from their body, during at night , or like you. Some people can control, some dont. So if you are scared about this dont try again. We have the physical body and 3 others bodies also- causal, astral,subtle.
So tell me why you want in fact? Maybe i can help you. :grinning:


#13

Hi Victory, thanks again for your wisdom. I can see you (and I think someone said this before too) don’t think what I’ve experienced is meditation and instead it is just me leaving my body/illusion I’m leaving my body. And perhaps you’re both right. In answer to your question, what I want is to be able to not leave my body when I enter a deep state of relaxation. I want to be able to control this and stay in my body and not go so far away/have this illusion I’m going far away. If I can do this then I believe I’ll still be able to go to yoga classes and practice at home. Off topic but I’m also attuned to reiki and since this experience whenever I try send reiki I get the feeling of leaving my body again and numbness all over. If I can control this better I can hopefully still do reiki as well. So ultimately I would like some spiritual guidance on how to control this. I’m sure it has something to do with grounding exercises, as my mum suggested, but the ones I have tried have not worked so ideally I’d like something that’s more grounding than just visualisation and using crystals, which have so far not worked for me. Thanks!


#14

I wish to help you. In order to do that i need to know how u do ur relaxation, I believe there is ur problem. I guess u need other method for relaxation to avoid the present one. I can give u my email, but i dont know how to do that, Im new on this site. We need to talk more , to try to help you.


#15

Haha! Cool :slight_smile:

True, it’s basically pulling the thread of the fabric of existence.

It’s kind of like a default state of existence - when the Yogi is not occupied with tasks meditation is the first choice of ‘what to do to now’

True, and perhaps you are already illuminated. No one can say! – If you decide to continue your practice you will find the reasons you were originally attracted to the practice in the first place – i.e. you might be having a sub-conscious desire to experience yogic reality, etc.

Peace!! And forget the comments made by angry people, they will just chastise you and try to become an authority over your mind.

jai guru


#16

Hello,

Thank you for sharing your meditation experience. I can’t say I’m a meditation expert or whatsoever, but I’d like to share what I’ve learnt from my philosophy teacher.

Meditation isn’t escaping from anything. It is ultimately observing consciousness in a deeper place. My teacher once said how one tells is having a spiritual experience or losing their mind. Which is, when one is having a spiritual experience, you don’t lose the sense of yourself.

I’m afraid I can’t explain what had happened to you during/after your meditation. You might have to consult a meditation guru.

You love practicing yoga, there’s no point to stop. When everyone is meditating (I assume it won’t be very long during a yoga class), you don’t have to join in (if you don’t feel comfortable to do so). Like some people don’t like chanting OM. They can just sit there quietly.

Wait until you think you want to meditate again or find a guided meditation class or find a guru.

Wish you all the best.