The problem I have at the moment, is trying to keep an interest in all the things my friends say and do too.
It's difficult to come out of an hour of meditation, only to be phoned by a friend asking me to join them for a beer and a 'chin wag' down at the local pub. I ran out of 'excuses' ages ago and telling the truth, always leaves them cold. I just bore everybody to sleep now. lol
I just feel/felt so hypocritical about it all too...like every time I light up a cigarette or eat a hamburger.
Stuff I wouldn't have cared about a few months ago.
I thought about it...meditated on it..this eventually led me to Narada Muni.
Narada Muni was an enlightened sage who was totally enamoured by Lord Narayana.
Narada claimed to have Bhakti and told everybody how he felt about it all (like I do) lulz...
Anyway, in the end, Lord Narayana became rather annoyed at Narada Muni's boastful claims and came to Earth to test him...not to test his knowledge, but to actually test his total devotion and 'steadfast of mind'.
Seeing as how you can't really test for Bhakti, Lord Narayana put Narada Muni through many trials...like carrying a full bucket of water on his head, over rough terrain whilst keeping his mind steadfast in Bhakti without spilling a drop of water...yeah, stuff like that.
What happened, was that Narada Muni would be immersed in Bhakti only when he felt it, concentrated on it, or by other means...he failed....a great Bhakta like that failed...so I have no chance.
You can love god you can be aware of that love and He can also be with you, just not all the time...well, he IS, but you just cannot feel it all the time, because you have 'other things to do'.
Just go with the flow I think. I set aside just 10 minutes every hour to just briefly close my eyes, slow down my breathing and just 'be there' for a short time, just reconnecting with god...even if I have to do that in a bathroom.
Eventually, things will happen the way they are meant to.
Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya.