[QUOTE=Hubert;25084]It is normal to feel aversion towards former lives. One way of realizing them is actually what you did: to collect everything from your mind, and memories, what you did not like as persoanl expereince or situation. And while in the beginning this will feel artificial, the more exigent you are in self knowledge about your aversions, the more you will feel linked to this image until it form the image of a human being, something you never wanted to be … and that is what you were.
I think you just stopped because noone said feeling aversion for it is normal.[/QUOTE]
Hi Hubert,
I wasn’t too clear in my post - this aversion wasn’t toward the content of this fantasy (as I understand what it was - a creativity of my imagination inspired by my current state). Opposite rather, this fantasy was very nice in fact - it was about being close, connected with my friends in a meaningful and romantic way. My aversion was toward my willingness to immerse in this fantasy and believe it is true. I felt that if I will not stop, I will end up as some crazy person believing any past life story only because it is warm and spiritual (in opposition to dry and limited rationalists questioning such stories, as people who are less developed spiritually). Because I would start to have a personal interest in enforcing it and protecting against questioning (since it would become part of my identity).
I?m bit afraid of being deluded by sweetness and emotional benefits of certain interpretations of experiences or views of the world. I recalled now those children stories when main character has to go through enchanted garden in order to reach the goal. And the goal is usually something little and humble comparing to seductions of the garden (which would trap you forever if you try). Sometimes I feel like that in spiritual life. That?s why I want to just relax and investigate things before accepting them as path to go. And if I find some warning lights (inability to self-doubt and accept possibility of error, lack of references showing similarities in other traditions, etc.) go back. For example, how to check whether this information about past life is coming from fantasizing sub-consciousness or from some deep part of yourself (or external source) storing past-life memories?