Hello Everyone,
I’ve been a long time reader, but this is my first post. I need some help from fellow yogis to determine how to deal with this situation.
I didn’t know where else to put this…
But here’s the story.
I usually attend a yoga class on Wed. nights and sometimes on mondays. I have been attending this yoga studio for a long time, have seen ownership change hands numerous times. I actually work for the owner of the studio part time in exchange for unlimited classes.
Since I have attended, I have always brought my 7 year old son along when he wanted to go. He knows my expectations and the rules and ejoys the clasees when he does choose to attend. He has never been a distraction and people have always complimented me on how well behaved he is.
Today, he decides he wanted to go with me to the 7:00 class I was attending tonight. I have a lot of respect and admiration for this instructor and have always liked her classes because she is really good at the poses.
As me and my son are approaching the studio, it was raining and we didnt have an umbrella, he was walking beside me and using my sweater to cover his head. We were laughing and giggling as we approached the front door.
The instructor for that class was walking in front of us and as she opens the door, she stands in the door so we cannot enter, and she bends over and looks at my son and says…
“You need to tell your daddy to find you a Kids yoga class to go to. This class is for adults. There are no children for this class. There are no children in this class.”
I thought it was a joke at first, so I kinda played it off, and I said “well, I guess I have to take you home…”
She looks at me, and says “Umm… I’m serious. It’s not fair to the adults that come to this class and take yoga seriously to have to deal with your son as a distraction.” Then glances over at my son as if he had done something wrong.
And I said “Ok. We’ll just leave then.”
She replies “No, you don’t have to go, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t bring him to these classes. The people that pay for them are serious about them and…”
I interjected, and said “Look. I get it ok? You don’t want my kid here. I’m leaving so ‘we’re not a distraction’ to your serious students.”
She said “You don’t have to leave.”
And I Said "No, we do. You have made it very clear that we are not welcome here."
And I walked off…
My son has been in this class before with this instructor and didnt speak a word, nor make a peep. He has been do dozens of yoga classes with me for over a year and no one has ever complained of him as a distraction. Most of the people at the studio know my child and have shown nothing but love and affection for him since his first class.
The only reason I got defensive was because the look on my child’s face. He looked confused and troubled. No one has ever spoken to my child like that in front of me.
When we left, he says “Why does she get to be rude to us? We’re just people too.”
This was within seconds of us leaving. I didnt even speak a word about my opinion. Seeing how he realiized she was being rude, as a 7 year old, I thought I should do something about it as his father.
I called the owner of the studio and told her about it and she wanted me to put together an email that I wouldn’t mind having forwarded to the instructor. She then told me about some other incidents and that she was hoping it was just her character, but, she said,
“I will not allow any of my instructors to belittle a child. She should have spoken to me about it and asked me to address. Or at least mentioned it to you in private.”
Looking back, I wonder if I should have been more of an Alpha about it, and handled the situation right then. The problem is, I’m very shy and timid and don’t deal with confrontation well at all.
But, these are not things one should deal with at a place such as a yoga studio.
When I got home, my wife was enfuriated that this lady made our kid cry. (which he did once we were in the car. he thought he had done something wrong because we were not welcomed.) So, I had to fire off this email. I tried to be as amblical as possible…
Owner,
I left this evening for the 7:00 yoga class and my son wanted to go with me. I have let him tag a long in the past and attend yoga class with me on several occasions. The instructor for all intents and purposes, expressed her displeasure for my son’s arrival, directly to him without even saying hello to either of us. I thought it was a joke, since she was standing in the door and not welcoming us in, so I made light of it, but the point was sternly reiterated that it was not fair for those who were serious about yoga, to deal with him as a distraction.
I really didn?t feel welcome after that point so I stated that we would go home.
I?m certain that is not what the instructor wanted us to do. But I?m not going to ask my son to be somewhere where he is not welcome. I was hoping I could just blow it off as a mistake on her part and try to resume classes without any awkwardness. But as we were leaving, my son asks:
?Why does she get to be so rude to us? We?re people.?
He never asked why we were not attending class that evening, he only asked.
?What did we get in trouble for??
I reassured him that we were not in trouble that I just picked the wrong class to go to. But I did agree with him that it was indeed rude and immature for her to address him that way when I was the one that she needed to be speaking to.
This is not something I would expect from someone that me and my son both admire or something I would expect from the position of someone who embraces the philosophy of aligning with the divine.
It?s not my intention to create any further issues or hardships or be known as someone who complains. If it is deemed no kids are allowed to any regular yoga classes, then I have no objection to the rule. He has always preferred my yoga classes over Children?s Yoga and that is why I have always agreed to let him attend with me. I would like to know what the official stance is on this subject so I will know how to proceed should he ask to attend yoga with me in the future.
Thank You,
Did I do the right thing? What would you have done?
What kind of fallout should I expect from this and how do I deal with any communication with this instructor forward? I have no problem to forgive and forget, but my wounds heal slowly and I am sincere in my interactions with people. I do not know that I am interested in any apology or to hear any excuses for her behavior. I wish no hardship on this person, and I know this to be sincere, because at this point, I wish this would not have happened.
I need the confidence to shrug off these hurt feelings and move forward.
