joanna,
What you’ve described is pretty common. We all hit that brick wall at some point. Don’t be too hard on yourself! I too came across this after practicing about 6-7 years. I always loved the calm and centered feeling yoga gave me, not to mention how much better physically I felt and looked. But I knew there was more to this ‘Yoga’ thing. On my way home from work, riding the bus listening to the news with my earbuds in, I heard an advertisement for a teacher training program and an afternoon retreat to discuss it. I immediately called and signed up to go. After the retreat, I knew my calling was being a teacher and sharing my love of yoga. But I also knew there was much more, spiritually speaking, I wanted to learn and understand about this precious gift. So I enrolled in teacher training and was amazed at how much I knew and didn’t know. I learned much about myself during this training, not to mention my love and appreciation for the Hindu culture and religion and Buddhism. I delved into every book I could get my hands on and studied anatomy on my own. (we did take anatomy in T.T., but I love the medical field and wanted to know much more)
Long story short, my spirituality was awakened through further study and finally this was the missing piece! And now I feel whole and can understand much more how beautiful yoga is. It has given my practice a whole new meaning.
Perhaps it is the same for you? When we stop and start questioning we come to a crossroads so to speak. We can choose to stay as we are or walk down a new path. When the quietness sets in our real growth begins. But it is up to you. what is it that you want out of your practice? Do you have an idea what that missing piece is for you? How can you build upon your practice? The answer will be different for each person.
I will suggest some books that inspired me.
Any book by Thich Nhat Hahn
Letting Go of The Person You Use To Be by Lama Surya Das
Any and all books by HH The Dalai Lama
Light On Yoga and Light On Pranayam by Iyengar
The Bhagavad Gita
Autobiography of a Yogi
The Heart of Yoga by Desikachar
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga by Deepak Chopra
And joanna, I’m sure many will offer more helpful books and insights to assist you in your struggle. Just know that most of us have been where you are at. It is really a good place to be honest. The path before you is wide open!
Best of luck to you.
