We’re all much better with our money than our hearts. You wouldn’t give money to someone so they can buy crack, likewise you should not surrender your heart to someone (be it friend, lover, relative, etc.) who would waste it foolishly.
If its coming from your ongoing experience then I’m sorry to hear that…
People may misuse kindness we give, but I think its important not to let them take away the ability to give. I like those sayings about money and heart. E.g. the one that sooner or later all money will be taken from us, but open heart is something that we will take to the other side.
I actually have given money to folk/strangers in the street that i knew were going to buy crack and/or heroin with it. Not much, ?1.But some nevertheless.
[QUOTE=core789;35063]I actually have given money to folk/strangers in the street that i knew were going to buy crack and/or heroin with it. Not much, ?1.But some nevertheless.[/QUOTE]
I think it may not be good idea after all. The longer they are addicted the more damage their body takes. At some point this damage may be too great to heal…
[QUOTE=Pawel;35062]If its coming from your ongoing experience then I’m sorry to hear that…
People may misuse kindness we give, but I think its important not to let them take away the ability to give. I like those sayings about money and heart. E.g. the one that sooner or later all money will be taken from us, but open heart is something that we will take to the other side.[/QUOTE]
Thanks, Pawel, that’s sweet of you but it is not a self-personal experience issue–I have invested my heart wisely! My husband/life partner is quite loving and nurturing, I am never concerned about his loving or caring of me, our family, or himself.
No, this came up in a conversation with my brother yesterday. He has this notion to love even to his own peril, whereas my stance on the issue is just how I stated it above.
I think at one point or another in our life we all have given our love and opened our hearts to only have the recipient take advantage of and waste it. Most of the time we learn from it, but sometimes we don’t. Hopefully it is an opportunity to do some reflection.
[QUOTE=zo_manik;35068]Thanks, Pawel, that’s sweet of you but it is not a self-personal experience issue–I have invested my heart wisely! My husband/life partner is quite loving and nurturing, I am never concerned about his loving or caring of me, our family, or himself.
No, this came up in a conversation with my brother yesterday. He has this notion to love even to his own peril, whereas my stance on the issue is just how I stated it above.[/QUOTE]
Congrats of your husband and brother!
I guess it depends what we mean by love. I still remember when once I was listening to priest working with families of alcohol addicts. He suggested that they should express more mature love to addicted person. For example, when this person comes back drunk at night and collapses on the ground, don’t help him. Just bring blanket. And if in the morning someone from his work calls, don’t lie that he is sick but tell the truth that he got drunk last day and still sleeps on the floor. Etc. That love in this case would be to help such person to face consequences of addiction, not to avoid them. So mature love is not about bombarding others with kindness irrespectively of output but rather thinking and acting with their best interest in heart.
[QUOTE=zo_manik;35068]No, this came up in a conversation with my brother yesterday. He has this notion to love even to his own peril, whereas my stance on the issue is just how I stated it above.[/QUOTE]
I thought/felt about this a bit last night because it hit home with me. I have loved “lost causes” a few times in my life. its hard at times because I could say part of it is compassion, which how can compassion be wrong. When i was younger my uncle was addicted to crack, tried to kill himself, etc. and at tmies I would go get him, like one christmas when he was at a halfway house and I drove about five hours so he could eat with us. when he was in jail I would write him as well and at times he said I was the only there for him, that the rest of the family forgot about him. that was many years ago. now he still has some issues from time to time but he bounces back much faster, does not go as much into “bad states of being” etc… and is married to someone who does struggle with some of his issues that he occasionally has, but like I said they are fewer and farther between. Did he end up getting to a better space because at times i was they only one there for him, I dont know. maybe what i did helped, maybe it didnt
I have also had some girlfriends that had certain chalenges. was it compassion that I stayed when I knew of their issues, was it insecurity on my part, was it a savior complex, I dont know. I do know that at times I felt very deeply for them. Everyone deserves love, if only for a moment?
some people are wise with their money/love, some people are foolish. Ive seen homeless people who when they get money give it to other homeless people, is that foolish? To give up on what we perceive as lost causes, would that be wise or foolish? Who says our perception is right? what is wise, what is foolish, I dont really know. I guess wise would be a safe and secure life, live in the right place, live with the right person, have the right job, etc… But then again what is right, what is safe, will danger ever be non existent?. Can compassion ever be wrong? at least when i feel compassion I know that I feel.
just some rambling
best to you and your brother
brother Neil