Bentinho, thank you for what sounds like very simple and sensible guidance. I will try this. It is hard to focus intent without images for me, because I am visual. But I can start with concepts, such as my balance within society, in family, in friendships, in work, in my daily discplines, in diet/exercise/physically etc. These concepts them evoke images.
To answer Pandara, It was due to trauma during a period of my life when I was fervently seeking spiritual understanding of the world around me. I was quite driven and curious about everything. I was preyed upon by someone and this effect happened during my exposure to him. My intense curiosity about him opened me up for it.
I could not even tell you the day I noticed it first,just the two months or so during which it began. This person suppressed me severly, bore down on me, didn’t respect borders and had some kind of underlying deep deep misery. Having never met anyone so troubled, I did not realize what I was engaging with. He didn’t appear troubled on the surface. He was quite intelligent and I am well educated and his knowledge of math was very good. I minored in math. I was drawn to him by that and had led a sheltered campus life and did not recognize the elements, partly hidden, of a broken bitter life except as stereotypes. But that is what he had.
I did not realize that he was having a powel affect on me or even that such a powerful affect could be possible. I was destabilized and didn’t realize it until it had happened. I had never been vicious to a friend in my life - I had no idea about people like this. At any rate, I was lacking in experience and was vulnerable. I betrayed and forfeited myself by accident, gradually and imperceptively.
I was espcially vulnerable at the time because things were happening that were new to me, and confusing. I had visions sometimes that I was trying to understand, and so, it was not a good time for someone like that to be around me. It was a delicate time. My sureness in footing, my stability was woobly anyway.
The encocunter with him left me with this congestion that has waned but ultimately been very recalcitrant, difficult to address. Now I want to implement a strong discipline for good health, with exercise and yoga at least three times a week. (BTW, if I start taking a Yoga class, which kind of Yaga would be the best, considering what I have disclosed?)
Does anything I am saying make sense? He had a way of undermining the best aspects of my personality. It was damaging and more damaging than I would have predicted, or ever knew was possible before that. Because I was quetioning so much at the time, and so driven to learn all, any tiny lack of onfidence in myself, my lack of knowing even, worked agaisnt me very severly.