Hello yogis,
I have been a yoga teacher for about 4 years now. From time to time, I make casual friendships with students - lunch, coffee after class, going on walks, etc. I am aware that some teachers frown on socializing with students, and other teachers have no problem with it. If there isn’t an abuse of “power”, no preferential treatment in class, and there is no sexual or romantic context, what is your opinion about student/teacher friendships? What exactly is the issue with “boundaries”?
its a delicate thing. since most teachers in America really are just people that know how to guide an asana practice and the style they teach is simple just a group exercise class called “yoga”
whats the difference between you hanging out with your Aerobics instructor? yoga in America is no different then any other group exercise class for the most part. I dont like that its this way its just how I see it “as it is”
I would tend to keep it purely professional between students especially if they are opposite gender
I have a crush on most if not all my female yoga teachers. But I treasure my practice more than my lust so i am aware and try not to " hit on them… but i would like to have a friendly relationship with them for sure, I admire them . I need more friends like them.
But back to your question yeah I think you should be buddies with your student, they may also be more open and less shy to ask some embarassing questions they may have.
I used to belong to an “aerobics” yoga studio before but my new studio is not that way
The whole division of power aspect that human beings have decided, for silly reasons, to invoke, is, well, silly.
Do you like them? sure, go hang out with them. I see absolutely no problem with that. But, what I woudl think that you would have to watch out for is, in future classes, giving them preferential treatment because they are considered friends (if it gets to that point).
Hello Michael,
I haven’t responded sooner as I wanted to take some additional time to myself with your question before offering a reply.
There are several perspectives from which to look at this question. And we could get bogged down in most of them. What it comes down to for me is that I am vigilantly working to simplify the teachings for those who come to me [I]for[/I] the teachings. Spending social time hanging out with students (generally speaking) complicates rather than simplifies the conveyance.
Regardless of whether I (as a teacher) do or do not intend, or execute preferential teaching, it can (and does) manifest additional feelings of separation in some students and lends itself to a context of insiders and outsiders, friends and acquaintances, special and regular. This cannot be avoided AND it obviously complicates rather than simplifies - which is counter to my commitment to teaching (Yoga).
That having been said, a student who walks more toward the teacher-student relationship also gets a teacher walking more toward that relationship. In other words, that energy of commitment is met. But this has nothing to do with sharing social interaction.
I love my students dearly, more deeply than any breaking of bread could possibly show. That doesn’t ebb, nor does my availability or care for them…as a teacher. I make myself equally available to all, for this is why they have come to me instead of Billy Blanks.
Honestly I’m a bit confused when this subject comes up. We are all people - and people sharing common interests.
If you do hang out with your students, and you DO show them preferential treatment in class, be prepared to see fewer students because people pick up on that pretty quickly. Besides, what ‘preferential treatment’ can you show? A good teacher teaches whoever walks through the door. It’s not like you some secret, special chatarunga dandasana that you will refuse to show to some.
My advice, as a student as a teacher (no, not yoga) is don’t over think it. Be yourself, if you share a common interest, then hang out. Just remember that a yoga clas is a yoga class and hanging out at the coffee shop is hanging out.
[QUOTE=BeHereNow;69459]Honestly I’m a bit confused when this subject comes up. We are all people - and people sharing common interests.
If you do hang out with your students, and you DO show them preferential treatment in class, be prepared to see fewer students because people pick up on that pretty quickly. Besides, what ‘preferential treatment’ can you show? A good teacher teaches whoever walks through the door. It’s not like you some secret, special chatarunga dandasana that you will refuse to show to some.
My advice, as a student as a teacher (no, not yoga) is don’t over think it. Be yourself, if you share a common interest, then hang out. Just remember that a yoga clas is a yoga class and hanging out at the coffee shop is hanging out.[/QUOTE]
I agree completely with beherenow . I don’t know what kind of preferential treatment a yoga teacher can give anyway? Not like they give grades like a school or better pay or schedule like a work boss. Don’t over think it.
Thank you, everyone, for your insight.
Gordon, thank you for pointing out the finer nuances of student/teacher friendships that I hadn’t considered.
Now that I think of it, the students who are “friends” seem to expect more of a teacher’s time chatting before or after class that could otherwise go to a newer student who has a question or otherwise wants to connect with the teacher. On the surface, these relationships are straightforward, but under the surface, it’s more complicated. It gives me food for thought, for sure.
[QUOTE=yogadealer;69463]Thank you, everyone, for your insight.
Gordon, thank you for pointing out the finer nuances of student/teacher friendships that I hadn’t considered.
Now that I think of it, the students who are “friends” seem to expect more of a teacher’s time chatting before or after class that could otherwise go to a newer student who has a question or otherwise wants to connect with the teacher. On the surface, these relationships are straightforward, but under the surface, it’s more complicated. It gives me food for thought, for sure.[/QUOTE]
Easy solution…if these people are friends, then you give them a quick heads up, that before/after yoga, the time needs to be for new students who may not be comfortable speaking to you around others. Except for that time, it’s just a normal friend relationship.
If these people are not friends, but are some sort of odd ‘hanger-on-er’ then they will be offended and you have all the information you need.
Easy-peasy
You are, of course welcome Michael.
continuing on… the current question begged herein appears to be:
“what preferential treatment?”
There are two points to raise. The first is that students may PERCEIVE preference. To go out for gelato with one student and not all IS preference, by its very definition. Then you either suffer attrition in class/studio or you have to address/deal with/ overcome/ abate the perception - real or imagined.
The second point is outlined in this comment by my dear friend BeHereNow:
…then you give them a quick heads up, that before/after yoga, the time needs to be for new students who may not be comfortable speaking to you around others…
Again, this IS a treatment of preference AND even if it were not preferential and perfectly effective it is only one piece of the puzzle where this is going to ooze out.
Indeed people are people, however we are discussing the craft of teaching an 8,500 year-old art. We are discussing pedagogy. We are discussing how to hold professionalism, not why it’s okay to be nude in your living room.
It is perfectly okay to have friends. Make as many as you can, hold them dear, treat them well, foster and cultivate the relationship. But when you are a teacher do not compromise that which may effect the transmission even in the slightest. There are 6.8 billion humans on the planet. You’ve got plenty to choose from.
Teaching yoga is never about the teacher and always about the student.
[B]
Put another way…
It’s just frickin’ messy, period.[/B]
[QUOTE=InnerAthlete;69486]
There are 6.8 billion humans on the planet. You’ve got plenty to choose from.
Teaching yoga is never about the teacher and always about the student.
[B]
Put another way…
It’s just frickin’ messy, period.[/B][/QUOTE]
Hey Gordon, I’m going to have to say that I really appreciate your thoughtful posts, and enjoy reading what you have to say and share with us on this forum, but…
I’m going to have to say that, no, I do not have access to those 6.8 billion people. I live in a place that is about 85% retired people (and i’m 36 years old). Out of the people that are within a generation or so, in a town of 20k, take out the druggies and alcoholics, and there are only, like 3 people left (maybe a slight exageration 
). If I come across somebody that could be a friend, thinks along similar lines, and we have other similar interests, then why not be friends? Maybe its just me, but finding a good friend is not that easy.
I understand the whole teacher/student relationship, as I used to teach college courses and was the same age as about half of my students. I did find it very awkward when a student would ask if I wanted to hang out, and actually always said no. Being at a college though, it was against my contract to spend social time with students outside of class, and for good reasons. But, a yoga class is different I think: nobody is getting graded or judged. am I wrong here? (really, I don’t know). What about if the individual no longer takes your courses, or finishes them? (in the situation of a teacher training type of course)
I have to agree with michaelb here. In his case, he is speaking to something akin to client/supplier relationships. If I owned a bakery, and one of my regular customers and I ‘clicked’ and suggested we have coffee or lunch, I would have no issues whatsoever. Worst case scenario - I lose a customer. There is no position of ‘authority’.
In other cases, the yoga teacher/student relationship is more akin to doctor/patient or (for the sake of extreme example) priest/parishener. In those cases, I would say it was a bit inappropriate.
It’s fine to disagree and I completely respect being heard (and hearing). The pot is stirred, the stew is brewing, the juice is happening. That’s important stuff.
@Michael: had you shared the full context of your local demographics in your original post then that could be addressed in the replies. But for whatever reason that was not offered. It seems critically important to the discourse, yes?
Do take the context into consideration, absolutely. And, of course, as students of Yoga we too understand the nature of our own choices, be they emergence or seclusion, be they DisneyWorld or LeisureWorld.
@Flex: The question is whether “we” want the bar to ONLY be the medical profession, or the vendor relationship, or the bakery. IF that is our bar then I believe we have misunderstood, misrepresented, and undervalued Yoga’s shakti and subsequent gross benefit.
My opinion - i was a swimming coach (australia) for ten yrs. At the time i was 25yrs old, my elite squad ranged in age from 13 to 22 yrs old. At first i was quite friendly with some of the older swimmers ie went beach wkends, out for dinner etc.
However i found that the swimmers who i became friendly with didnt respond to coaching in same way eg took crticism personally, try push boundaries etc etc.
I found it best to keep a certain distance from my students, i was still friendly but no out of “school” fratenerising. Seemed to improve results and realationships with swimmers (no personal preferences etc etc).
My recommendation based experience - dont fratenerise with students / techers after class unless friendly before student / tecaher realtionhip started
I find this thread very interesting. As a newer yoga teacher, I’ve recently started teaching at the local gym and given the small community that I live in I know a lot of people in my classes from outside of yoga. Several of my friends and my husband’s co-workers have started taking my yoga classes because they know me.
I like to think my existing friendships aren’t hurting the other students. My friends are very respectful of my time and usually wait outside if they want to chat so I’m available for others with questions. But of course there is a little preferential treatment because my friends are often more comfortable telling me what they are working on, struggling with or asking questions because they know me and have more access to my time (outside of class).
I also teach in a gym not a yoga studio and my classes focus more on breath and alignment then on a spiritual path, which might make a difference too.
I do agree that I wouldn’t befriend a student I had in class. I feel there is a difference between having friends that come to your classes and befriending people that come to your classes.
This is an old thread, but to me equal treatment is a must.
If a person pays for tuition, then yeah, they need to get their money’s worth. This means fair adjustments and attention, and time for all classmates to ask the teacher queries and issues. It’s not good business sense anyhow, and with Facebook and other social networking around it doesn’t make sense. A friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, parent, sibling, etc. shouldn’t get better treatment in classes IMO.
But per se, it is not bad IMO for teachers/students to be friends.