I really don’t understand it much, but way back 2010, when I got things too much too handle— I discovered I am a son to another woman, I had to quit my job after being scolded, underestimated and bullied by some of my co-workers and being heartbroken. I already have emotional and self-esteem issues then as I experienced a traumatic experiences as a child, and those things that happened just worsened what I feel.
I became suicidal and depressed. But during that time I felt an ineffable feeling as well, like I felt bliss. When I saw a series I used to watch as a child and was actually my favorite, I felt something about one of the characters there that I don’t know how to describe. The nearest word I can use is bliss.
And on one of the days that my mind was running so wild, I was very bewildered and depressed, having a lot of thoughts in my mind at one time, I wrote in my diary and it seemed the one who was writing was not me. It was sort of automatic and the things I wrote was really the advice I needed, it was very wise.
I miss that feeling, and no matter how I meditate now, I cannot make that feeling come back… not the depression, but the sort of bliss behind it.
I don’t know if this is crazy, but I read some articles where they experienced glimpses of awakening during their most troubled times.
I feel sad and depressed whenever I remember that feeling, as I am struggling right now to be happy.
What you felt (bliss) is quite natural and possible.
It can come on two occasions 1) either you are totally frustrated and totally hopeless or 2) in deep meditation. First part is accidental and other part is gradual.
First part happened in your life because you were very casual and natural that time. But now situation is different , you are expecting it to come deliberately. Such experience does not come deliberately.
Surprising fact here is that you did not taste or experience that bliss properly that time. If you would then you would not seek for it now.
My suggestion: Don’t seek it and don’t struggle to be happy. Just take the day as it comes. You may get that bliss again provided you don’t run after it. Seeking even bliss is obstacle in yoga. Hope you understand.
It’s the cracks that let the sunshine in. I think you got blessed when you needed it most. Don’t chase the feeling, cultivate gratitude for the remembered experience. Gradually, not instantly, this practice will build up your sense of overall well being. We can’t live on the peaks all the time, we have to come down from the mountain. From time to time the bliss will revisit you, don’t worry.
Recognize the false as false and reality is inevitable, bliss.
[QUOTE=Unjay;85583]It’s the cracks that let the sunshine in. I think you got blessed when you needed it most. Don’t chase the feeling, cultivate gratitude for the remembered experience. Gradually, not instantly, this practice will build up your sense of overall well being. We can’t live on the peaks all the time, we have to come down from the mountain. From time to time the bliss will revisit you, don’t worry.[/QUOTE]
Nothing in life should be left unbalanced 
[QUOTE=ChristopherRock85;85590]Nothing in life should be left unbalanced :D[/QUOTE]
?Everything moves according to its nature. Where is the need of a policeman? Every action creates a reaction, which balances and neutralizes the action. Everything happens, but there is a continuous cancelling out, and in the end it is as if nothing happened.? ~Nisargadatta
I think the fact that you are TRYING to get it back is what is stopping you from actually having it…
[QUOTE=DGLimitless;85758]I think the fact that you are TRYING to get it back is what is stopping you from actually having it…[/QUOTE]
I agree.
When we are depressed we often feel that we have lost of grip on our life, that we lose our interests in our usual hobbies and inclinations.
Now although those things happen in the context of a depressive episode, we can still see some real positive aspects in them;
losing grip = letting go.
loss of interest in usual worldly stuff = losing attachments and clingings.
So as others have said, you probably got to a mind state, accidentally, that allowed perfect consciousness that “wanted for nothing else”, which resulted in a state of bliss.
Try not looking for or clinging to the idea of it happening again. It will probably happen again when you stop looking and are least expecting it.
Namaste and Metta 