To Love or to be Loved by John Douillard

Yoga Discussion General Yoga
#1

[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Have you ever asked yourself, “How much of you are you?”

Is there a deeper more real version of yourself waiting for the right time to show up, but for the most part letting that person out is just way too risky?![/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Maybe when you were three years old, someone hurt your feelings and to survive you had to protect. To do this you employed the services of your mind to help you create a personality that would keep you safe. Maybe you became the class clown, a straight A student or Mom’s best helper - the better you played these roles the more they liked you. You were safe, loved and appreciated - who could ask for more?[/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]We are all playing a lead role in a movie made by our minds designed to protect us from getting hurt and we try very hard to make a movie that everyone will like. We casted ourselves in this part when we were three years old and we are still reading the same lines from the same script in that same movie thirty of forty years later. Instead of pleasing our parents we find ourselves pleasing our boss, our spouse and even our kids because the script says if I do these things they will like me. Our minds have convinced us that in order to feel loved we have to continue to perform - even into a state of exhaustion. Soon we become resentful because while bending over backwards for everyone else, sooner or later they will let you down. “For crying out loud! I do so much for them, you would think they would show some appreciation!” When we expect everyone in our world to love us back as a return on the investment we made to them, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and disaster.[/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The mind has created this world of illusion to keep us safe at a time when our senses, emotions and intellect were not yet developed. When we were two, we needed this type of protection, but now at thirty-two we can become the director of our movie and change the script, create a new scene and even take on that role that you were always meant to play - your real, vulnerable, loving and powerful self. Living a life without access to this part of yourself will be, in due time, a very depressing experience. Our senses will only offer you temporary pleasure, you emotions will only distract you from the yearning to be yourself for only so long until - sooner or later you have to step into this new role. The problem is that the mind has got you convinced that you can’t do this. “If you just be yourself and love everyone unconditionally and they don’t love you back you will be hurt devastated, it is way too risky. Just play is safe and stick with what has been working.”[/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The mind will use your senses and emotions to distract you. It will use fear to make sure you never cross over and drive this chariot to the true - real and powerful part of yourself. It has convinced you that you are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, skinny enough so you better stay put, safely living out a life in the illusion of the mind.[/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]In the world of illusion we can only be happy when something good happens, if something bad happens we become un-happy. Our happiness is totally dependant on “what’s happening!” The joy of our soul is available to all of us, all the time. It is not dependant on something happening - it is the expression of our true nature – and by definition, truth never changes. It is the emotions that change, or mood changes but who we really are is all-ways there for us. A flower, for example, doesn’t count the number of bees that come nor does it pump up its smell just when you walk by. Its nature, as is ours, is to expand itself no matter if anyone ever loves you back. We think that we will feel better when Mr. Right comes along and loves us, fully making all our dreams come true. The reality is that this kind of love will never satisfy you.[/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

#2

[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Please try this exercise: Take a paper and write a love letter to someone you love fully, completely. Someone you trust with all your heart. Tell them all the ways that you love and appreciate them - really go for it. While writing it know that they will never read this letter - it is for your eyes only. As you write it - become aware of how you feel writing this letter. If possible write that now and then come back and finish this article after you’ve finished. You will see that as you write this letter you will actually feel loved, feel appreciated, you will feel cared for and even feel important. All the things we so desperately think we need from someone else to make us feel good, we actually experience all by ourselves when we give love freely - without any concern that they will read it and then love you back.[/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif] [FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]This is the game the mind has been playing on us for all these years. To win this game we have to taste the vulnerability of true love by allowing us to love them without the need for any return of investment. “I love you — but it is no concern of yours” means I now know that what I really seek is to love rather than to be loved.[/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Dr. John Douillard is the author of four books on health and fitness and practices Ayurveda in Boulder Colorado. For more information about his programs go towww.LifeSpa.com[/FONT] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

#3

Dear Nicole,

Just wrote a short note to my beloved as part of your exercise. Mmm, soon after I received a call from my beloved to tell me I am also loved back. This link in with my belief that our thoughts are immediately with the person we think about. I had a talk about how thoughts can change the world last night in my yoga class and also how thoughts not only affect the world, but also the cells of our bodies. Good thing we humans do not sometimes realise the true potential of words and thoughts, otherwise mountains will be flying around on this planet! :wink:

Thanks for this exercise and post, it was needed.

#4

[quote=Nichole;9532]
[FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Dr. John Douillard is the author of four books on health and fitness and practices Ayurveda in Boulder Colorado. For more information about his programs go towww.LifeSpa.com[/FONT][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/quote]

I am practicing what he preaches since a year and a half, without reading his book.
This method does not make you instantly happy, or does not make you happy all the time. But it makes you happy while you write, and often when you re-read what you wrote, you find yourself again in that state of happiness.
I say Amen to that quote, but know, a gram of practice worths tons of theory.
Thank you Nichole. Your advice comes in the right time, as always.

#5

[quote=Hubert;9553]I am practicing what he preaches since a year and a half, without reading his book.
This method does not make you instantly happy, or does not make you happy all the time.[/quote]

This is type of introspective work and this theory of early childhood tactics being outdated tactics as adults is definitely not Douillard’s creation nor does it only occur within a Yogic context. This is psychology 101 and Douillard offers it to us in a tidy message and with an effective exercise. I am glad it was good timing for you, because it was for me too. I love how when you put yourself in good company, goodness is all around you.

Can we talk about the happiness thing a bit within this thread?
I have, for just the last 2 or so years, abandoned the goal for happiness. I have been attempting–I say this because I attempt and often fail–to be working toward only truthfulness. I agree very strongly with you Hubert, that this type of work doesn’t make you instantly happy or happy all the time, but it does begin to unhook you so you actually have a real chance to have joy and tranquility in your life. I would even go as far to say that it often [U]tremendously painful[/U] and [U]terrifying[/U] to abandon those outdated tactics for what will serve you for where you are now in your life. And this is for the very reasons Douillard outlines at the beginning of his message: we created this tactics to keep us safe and to keep us loved by the people who raised us. By people, I mean families, but they are still people with all their own tactics, limitations and successes. For me, and for now, happiness is dangerous goal for my life. I am seeking freedom and staying open to the possibility that this may also bring with it more joy in my life. And so far, so good! :smiley:

With great respect and love,

#6

[quote=Pandara;9547]Dear Nicole,

Just wrote a short note to my beloved as part of your exercise. Mmm, soon after I received a call from my beloved to tell me I am also loved back. This link in with my belief that our thoughts are immediately with the person we think about. I had a talk about how thoughts can change the world last night in my yoga class and also how thoughts not only affect the world, but also the cells of our bodies. Good thing we humans do not sometimes realise the true potential of words and thoughts, otherwise mountains will be flying around on this planet! :wink:

Thanks for this exercise and post, it was needed.[/quote]

This is so lovely; thank you for sharing this with all of us. I had a very similar experience with my husband yesterday.
Our brimming cups overflow…

#7

Hi Nichole,

Happiness - for me it is not an emotional state, but the knowledge that it is the underlying current of finding Truth. :slight_smile:

#8

With great respect, I think the love spoken of here is a romantic love between partners. Although a very powerful emotion which dominates a large part of one?s younger years it has less significance as one gets older. :wink:

Love, for me is an emotion I experience with unconstrained flow. I experience it when I see the wonder in a child?s face, I experience it when I see the Walnut Tree in my garden swaying with the wind as though to greet me, I experience it when I see the joy in my elderly parents eyes as they see me after not having seen me for a while, I experience it when I see my wife stop at the gate till my car completely disappears when I go away on extended business trips. Sometimes these feelings are so intense that I start to sob?

As you get older risk taking becomes a lot easier, what people think of you becomes less important. If you exude love, somehow it always seems to be returned, even with total strangers. It?s present in your gait, your eyes & your words, when you love the whole word seem just so beautiful.

I say to everyone, just open your eyes & love, there is just so much joy in the world to Love ?

Thank you, Nichole for this post; it has made me think deeper about the nature of love. We are so meant to experience love, everything else I think is just drama.

Best Wishes,
Love,
Fin

#9

Happiness.
I become more and more insensitive to the problems of the people around me. Simply, they annoy me. I developed patience, and serenity. They still argue and fear and quarrel about petty things.
This really tries my compassion.
Also I am struggling with this thing I thought I have conquered. I start to see the divine plan in it, but it does not make it any easier. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts, but I made a promise to myself when I was younger that I will never do that. Also it is useless, and if I think I have to be born again, and pass through another childhood, it is an unwanted delay, not to speak of other karmic consequences. So reason helps me through it. And than when I pass through it, my mind starts grazing on greener pastures, and suddenly I am extremly happy and grateful. It is strange that it takes a great addiction, and great pain to realize how beautiful my life really is, with all the deatils masterfully prepared, and all the actors playing their role perfectly, so I can arrive here, today, at this moment. I cannot feel awe when I see the panorama … and it was nothing extraordinary, and yet, it was my path.
I am so much better than my two years earlier self. I am so much happier and a lot more miserable in the same time.
But … I am happy. I never really been happier.

#10

Dear Hubert,

Love is experienced in abundance when
Judgement falls
Attachments falls
Compassion flows.

Underneath the many layers of drama lies the divine light. I have yet to find an individual in whom the divine light isn?t arguing to flow out!

For me others pettiness is their drama, their expression of love is awe inspiring, I bow down to them (metaphorically) when I experience their love.

Each day each moment is a divine gift. I seek the divine in others & their by come in touch with the divine in myself.

As the British Poet Blake said?
?Where mercy pity & love delves their god delves too?. William Blake.

Much love & happiness to you, Hubert, have a great day! I am so happy to know that you have got to a stage where you realise how beautiful your life really is?

Love,
Fin

#11

[quote=Fin;9568]With great respect, I think the love spoken of here is a romantic love between partners. Although a very powerful emotion which dominates a large part of one’s younger years it has less significance as one gets older. :wink:

Love, for me is an emotion I experience with unconstrained flow. I experience it when I see the wonder in a child’s face, I experience it when I see the Walnut Tree in my garden swaying with the wind as though to greet me, I experience it when I see the joy in my elderly parents eyes as they see me after not having seen me for a while, I experience it when I see my wife stop at the gate till my car completely disappears when I go away on extended business trips. Sometimes these feelings are so intense that I start to sob…
[/quote]

Now Fin, do you really think such fine catches as Pandara and myself would be hooked into marriage or partnership by romantic love only? :wink: Make no mistake on my account, it is as deep and as wide as The Mother’s embrace; it is deeper than an ocean.

I consider you and me sweet and soulful friends; I feel the love in all the same things that you’ve shared here.

Wishing you big tree hugs of your own,
Nichole

#12

Ditto Nichole. :wink:

Dear Fin, Love pervades everything for me, it is strange but when I walk throught a park or a street in my country, where we are plagued by ugly things such as crime and excessive violence, I see the all pervasive love of the Divine Mother, sometimes I would visualise that I become one with The Mother and as far as I walk I would see her Love flow out into my neighbourhood and my country, covering verything and evrybody with it, flowing through the hearts of everybody. Sofar my neighbourhood is fairly crime-free and we have a lovely feeling of community here and people still care. I don’t say I do it, but I am an instrument and Mother Divine uses me. Now, imagine if the whole world could do that - how different would the world not be. Only one thing will pervade, Love, which will lead to its many positive attributes such as joy, happiness and harmony.

Me and my partner shared many incarnations before, our love for each other is deeper than just romance or lust or whatever people might attribute to it. So our union now is a deep(er) continuation of shared threads which is so interwoven that it stretches far beyond romantic love.

#13

Dear Nichole & Pandara,

I feel very very privileged that I am in touch with such wonderful souls as you both, & no I can not even imagine that you would be sharing your life with anyone other than your true soul mates!!!

Nichole: Thank you soo much for your lovely sentiment:

?I consider you and me sweet and soulful friends; I feel the love in all the same things that you’ve shared here.?

My feeling are entirely the same.

Pandara: I so whole heartedly agree with your inspired statement:

?Now, imagine if the whole world could do that - how different would the world not be. Only one thing will pervade, Love, which will lead to its many positive attributes such as joy, happiness and harmony.?

When all the earthly desires are fulfilled, all that remains is to know Love, as we get to know Love we see the divine in others & ourselves …

I bow down to you both for your lovely response.

Much Love to you both.
Have a great day!!

Love,
Fin

#14

I don’t believe in soul mates. I believe in fate.
That means you are among the people you need in your journey, and among the people you have karmic relations with.
Soul mates … more realized one is, more souls one feels as mates.
Like I feel for you, here.
I long to feel that kinship with the people in my closer vicinity.

#15

Dear Hubert,

Well isn’t the internet just such a fine example of fate/karma? I am glad it has brought us together on this forum, have been missing you for a long time. :wink: (and that goes for all the others I am sharing with on this forum.)

Dear Fin, a big hug for you!