Why is "guilt" a bad word?

Spirituality Religion
#1

Whenver I hear the word “guilt” from someone who does yoga, and this applies to some things I have heard in real life too, it is usually referred to in as something negative or bad, or something associated with one of those nasty dogmatic religions.

But I really don’t get it.

We have free will, and sometimes we are tempted to abuse it and to do something wrong (which I would call “sin” but you might have another word for it).

So if a man cheats on his wife, he SHOULD feel guilty, and that guilt could hopefully lead him to sorrow and repentance and to changing his evil ways.

There are plenty of times when I did things I should not have done, and my guilty conscience caught up with me, and I repented and went forward, sometimes with some good positive and lasting changes.

Guilt is a GOOD THING.

(Or am I misunderstanding what some mean by that word?)

#2

Guilt, as well as fear, is one of the powers that make this world go around.
We call it good when it’s moderate and works “properly” or bad when it overfills and destroys a person.

#3

I suppose its because it follows a bad action but I agree you can learn from guilt. So many people dont because it is painful perhaps to address what made one feel guilty

I always state the obvious…hope its not too annoying!!

#4

Guilt is almost always associated with a wrong action or thought. If we look at guilt as a tool to overcome that wrong action or thought then a small amount could be beneficial. But it is too easy to caught in the cycle of guilt. Guilt feeds negativity and anger. We often feel guilty because we are hiding from the truth. Once we speak and act from a place of truth, kindness and compassion, the guilt is gone and our motives and intentions are pure of heart. With that said, it’s easier said than done!

#5

The problem arises when we feel guilt because we’re told we should feel guilty and those teachings cloud who we really are.

It’s very rare that people feel guilt for a particular action. The true feeling is usually a reaction (fear of disappointing, fear of not being accepted, fear of repercussions) to a mental construct that we’re misinterpreting as guilt.

#6

Please explain this more David as I’m not too sure I agree. Guilt is a way of punishing bad behavior, which is typically an action toward another, or it can be effectively used as a catalyst for changing the behavior that caused the action. I don’t disagree that it can be a reaction like you suggested with your examples. For every action there is an equal reaction as the law says!

#7

What’s a bad behavior? The vast majority of the time, it is something that someone else has said is bad and we have accepted that as truth rather than something we feel, at our deepest core, isn’t right.

If you feel guilty about having sex before you’re married because your religion says that having sex before marriage is bad, you’re not feeling guilty in my opinion. You’re feeling fear.

#8

Guilt is an emotion I feel when I act disaccordingly with my own core values. It can also be a reaction I feel when I counter learned behaviour from the core values of my exosystem - religion (Catholic), family, friends, business, etc.

It’s a valid emotion - like fear, anger, joy. Some folk have more of it than others.

#9

But doesn’t doing the action itself cause the feeling of guilt? You react to that action by feeling guilty, don’t you? Say there was one piece of cake left and I asked if anyone wanted it. Everyone said no, so I took the piece and ate it. Suddenly as I’m devouring that piece of yummy chocolate cake someone comes into the room wanting a piece of it. I feel guilty that I ate 2 pieces and this poor person didn’t have any. No fear there is there?

Just trying to understand David!

#10

Guilt is just a word; it is the definition we apply to that word that can cause a problem.

As far as an emotion, it is just one of the many we have and there are good reasons for all of them so I find it is best to just except them… but that does not mean I always succeed at that :slight_smile:

#11

I hear you on that one! As long as we try.

#12

Did you do anything wrong by eating that cake? What is to feel guilty about? My guess is it would more be a deeper fear of upsetting that person or not being accepted by them due to other unresolved issues.

#13

Thanks David. You perspective is appreciated, not shared completely, but appreciated and understood nonetheless.

#14

Likewise my dear :slight_smile:

#15

A woman at a yoga workshop I went to told me that she rejected her Catholic upbrining because it was a “guilt based belief system.”

I’m trying to figure out what is meant by that, and in going through some of the threads here, have read similar comments.

I believe we have a conscience that can inform us of whether we’re doing right or wrong, but sometimes our conscience can be corrupted or deadened somewhat, and it’s the religion that reminds of of what our conscience has been trying to tell us.

I do believe it would be wrong to have sex before marriage or with someone else while married, and do not see how feeling guilty for doing something wrong is a bad thing, just like the pain we might have in our body is telling us to rest those muscles.

And maybe guilt and fear are the same thing in this context. Yes, I would feel the “fear” for having sinned greivously. That would be a good thing too.

Is the admonition for sexual purity an unjust imposition by a religion, or is it based on what is best for the believer and his eternal soul?

In the case of my religion, I believe that is God speaking to us through it, so it would make sense to fear disobedience to God, would it not?

If the religion is false, then of course abandon it. But is it false because someone feels guilty for doing what the religion forbids?

#16

I definitely believe that human beings are endowed with an inner sense or intuition that tells us what is right or wrong. That is felt as guilt or remorse. However, it is easy to conflate this with “fear” which I think is social. For example I can do something which is against the social norm such as laugh at a funeral, and later feel “guilty” I did that, but what I am really feeling is the fear of the social consequences. On the other hand, if I am talking with somebody and I say something hurtful to them, I may later feel the pangs of guilt. Not because of fear of social consequences, but genuinely because I feel I have done something bad.

#17

I recently have had to deal with a problem. My sister has done a number of things wrong and eventually included me in her list. I avoided a row, considering that she perhaps, was stressed…(money problems mostly) …then she started again and I then sent her a letter that addressed it…now I feel guilty that I did that…others have commented that she deserved it…but I still feel guilty…the reason I feel guilty is because I was right in my initial assessment and others disagreeing with me were also wrong.

#18

Surya Deva, its not a guilt, but a shame. [ul] [li][B]Guilt is a fear, living deep.[/B] We take it as a part of our personalities. Usually we dont clearly understand results of actions, caused it, just “feel” them (its subconscious). [/li][li][B]Shame is a fear, that lies in the higher layer.[/B] Mostly its about particular social sanctions we realize.
[/li][/ul]

#19

Guilt says that “I’ve” done something wrong. Shame says there is something wrong with “me”. We all have both. As toddlers, we develop shame before guilt. Shame is more internalized and it’s how we look at ourselves. It’s embarrassment and low self esteem.
Guilt is more about feeling responsible for what has happened, a wrong doing. This is my understanding from my studies in Social work.

While your emotions can guide you to carry out an action, it is the action that causes more emotions to surface with regards to assuming responsibility. That’s when you feel guilt.

Who knows? I think it is sufficient to say, we all have guilt, shame, fear from time to time. Guilt though, is an easier concept (by certainly not always. Look at Psychotherapist and their work with guilt) to deal with because it can be a catalyst for change. Shame deals with low self image and harder deal with.

#20

Yeah, I take that point on board about the difference between guilt and shame. I was saying something similar myself how guilt is a voice that comes from within and shame stems from fear of social sanctions. However, sometimes it is very difficult to differentiate between the two. I may be feeling something and identify it as “guilt” when really it is shame.