Yoga for the spiritual aspirant

Spirituality
#1

Hi everyone,

I am 25 years old. When I was 14, I had what to this day I still consider to be an adolescent crisis. One night, I had a single nightmare which rocked my very foundation, and it forced me to put my entire life on hold. For 3 months, I refused to go to school, my health was failing, and I was nothing but scared and depressed; it was like a frightened laziness I couldn’t shake off. I was not suicidal, but I just feared living.

At the end of that three months, I had my first spiritual realization. Beforehand, I was never in touch with anything spiritual. I never practiced a religion, and had never felt anything higher beyond my gross reality.

It occured when I was in the bathtub, of all places. With my eyes closed, I went into a trance-like state almost by accident; attempting to tune out the world. To this day, I feel like I went into a deep meditation by accident. I didn’t even know what meditation was at the time. It was in this “meditation” that I had a flash of insight. Something within me awoke, and all of a sudden I just felt energized. I felt like I could lead my life again. The albatross of fear I had carried around my neck had dissipated. I was still a little concerned about the future, but whatever I contacted in that brief moment gave me the assurance and confidence I needed to continue my life.

And so it went. I went to high school, dated girls, had a crew of guy friends, and to this day consider my high school experience as very pleasing. But in all of this, I never forgot that moment of insight I had. I began reading books on Kabbalah, Buddhism, Gnostic Christianity, and finally The Bhagavad Gita and samples from The Upanishads. My family is not religious, and so I could have practiced any of these religious traditions if I chose. However, I was never that interested in seeking a path, and so I didn’t. It was a curiosity; trying to find that which saved me. But in the end, I didn’t follow it. However, I always kept an interest in all things spiritual, and continued reading up until today, trying to build up the power that I had felt in a flash.

I am now 25 years old. It has been quite a ride since 14. In all this, my spirituality has grown from an intellectual standpoint only. I understand the world in a more unified way, but I still do not feel that “oneness”. The flash of insight I had never occurred again, no matter how much I tried to re-experience it. More problematic, the more time that goes by since that experience, the more I feel like I’m dreaming. The experience still feels more real than me writing this post!

I am about to graduate from college and enter a really difficult industry. I’ve got fears, up and down. To comfort my nerves, I read Pantanjali’s Yoga Aphorisms. Usually in most spiritual works I have read, something yanks me out of believing in their truths/practices. Not that their truths aren’t pertinent, but it just doesn’t feel right for me. Pantanjali’s Aphorisms gave me a drive to find a path.

I began reading up on the various yogas, and Raja appealed to me. However, the book I am reading by Swami Vivekananda strongly says that celibacy is a must. I have a girlfriend. I like her very much. I do not want to give that up. And yet the practices of Raja Yoga (using the intellect as a path to liberation) ring very true to me. It also says I need a teacher. I do not even know where to find one.

So now I’m a little confused. I would really like to continue with a yoga to keep discovering that part of me I unlocked as a teenager and destroy my fears, but I don’t want to hurt the people I love, or put on the hold the aspirations I have in my profession. I want to integrate all of it. Is this possible?

Thank you for your time, and I appreciate you reading this point.

#2

Dear BeLikewater,

Thank you for openly sharing your spiritual quest with us. Many people have spiritual awakenings in their teens, but few are able to hold on to them as you have.

Please go on loving your girlfriend in all ways. In my opinion, it is not necessary to be celibate to live a spiritual life. My spiritual teacher is a married man and a wonderfully inspiring and fully enlightened being. I’m a spiritual student like yourself, married, and have never found this to hamper my meditation. On the contrary, my wife and I often meditate together.

A discussion on spirituality and sexuality can go on for ever. You have read the yoga sutra’s. In sutra II-30, some authors render the word bramacharya as << sexual abstinence >> and others as <<behavior that respects the Divine as omnipresent >>. And it goes on from there. The truth is that both monks and lay people have attained spiritual realization.

Also, most professions do not stand in the way of spirituality. (Buddha has stressed “right livelihood” and would exclude some jobs). On the contrary, your spiritual practice will help you to maintain balance and equanimity when you exercise a difficult profession. Most of the students in my spiritual group also have regular jobs - librarian, businessman, physiotherapist, author - you name it. So yes, it is possible to integrate it all.

As to finding a teacher … there are so many teachers in California. You could do some hatha yoga practice to prepare you bodymind for sitting in meditation. A raja yoga teacher may be harder to come by, but they exist. It is probably easier to find a meditation teacher in the buddhist tradition (zen or vipassana) close to you. It is your choice; just remember this - there are many paths to the truth: << Truth is one, ways are many.>> Your inner teacher is always close to you. See sutra I-21: << For those who have an intense urge for Spirit and wisdom, it sits near them waiting>> (translated by M. Stiles). A wise outer teacher can help your progress tremendously and I am convinced that you will find each other.

Namast

#3

Namaste,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing. What we must remember that especially those early swamis visiting the west and brining yoga to the west, was that they did not quite comprehend or understand the western way yet. Much of what they taught was based on their experience with renunciates who lived in monastries and not with householders in a western system. Please remember that traditionally in India yoga was mostly practiced in the monastries by the monks and nuns and here and there by lay people. In the west it is just the opposite.

The Hindu system clearly differentiates between spiritual aspirants who are renunciates and of whom celibacy is expected and householders of whom right sexual actions towards your partner is expected.

As Willem rightly pointed out there are many great spiritual giants in this world who was and still is married and in that marriage they symbolise the oneness which you also talks about.

So enjoy your relationship with your girlfriend and use your spiritual energy together to create an awesome expereince for both of you. :slight_smile:

#4

You do not need to give up your girlfriend. You might need to give up your attachment to her, though. I know, it sounds absurd, because all too often we measure our love by the power of attachment. But real love is never an attachment. Real love is freely giving yourself to someone, and not expecting this from someone. Love goes from inside out. It is not aquiring something, but giving something. It is not posession, but letting something go. It is not selfishness, but selflessness. Surley, these things are just words but they can become living ideals in your soul. This process requires that you follow your own fate, karma. Your family, job, city, education, partners, are all part of your karma.
Real spirituality does not need seclusion, or celibacy. Surely at some point in your path, you will have to realize all your attachments, and pass through the delivery pains of the spirit being born in your soul. At that point you will be totally alone, no girlfriend, wife, child, parent, or any other person will be able to help you, but that crysis is yet ahead in your case. Just do your thing, and all will be well, because all is well.

#5

[quote=BeLikeWater;15719]
And yet the practices of Raja Yoga (using the intellect as a path to liberation) ring very true to me. [/quote]

Hello BeLikeWater,

Just for your clarification, Raja is liberation by way of “action,” i.e., through the eight limbs. Jnana yoga is by way of intellect and knowledge?

The point of celibacy in yoga for males (outside of practicing conscientiousness), is purely for the retention of prana: keeping the “seed.” Since you’re only 25 years of age, this is not an issue for you. Enjoy what God has given you and your girlfriend too. Later in life, after you reach middle-age, then it’s time to revisit this idea. It’s an energy equation: you won’t be producing so much any more, you try to conserve. Nature will help you do this.

As for for the transcendental experience in your teens, that may have been a minor awakening, a shedding of dilusion, a boost from nature. It’s important not to attach too much significance to it, because that may have been it. You may now be on your own, under your own power. You may have similar experiences again, but if not, don’t be disappointed. And if you do, don’t get too excited either. They’re momentary and fleeting at best and ultimately not an objective of heightened practice.

Peace,
Siva

#6

Hi Willem,

Your reply immediately put my mind at ease. Thank you for your insight. Your suggestion regarding Hatha Yoga is quite on the mark, because I do need to work on my posture and gain more control of my body. One of the biggest stifling effects in my attempts to meditate is that I cannot keep my concentration inward while keeping my body in the correct form. Even now, when I try to sit up straight, I keep unknowlingly moving back to slouching. So Hatha may be a very good idea to help me with this.

Thank you for the belief that I will find an outer teacher. Not to sound too fatalistic, but this is something I tend to believe as well. I tend to go back and forth with it. Quite honestly I think my concern at this point rests in the possibility of doing harm to myself before I meet them (as in experimenting with different yogic exercises such as Raja). But that would be disavowing the belief I have in finding a teacher at the right time, of course. I guess my dilemma is a crisis of faith, in terms of if/when it will happen.

I think one of the reasons I get concerned about the possibility of having an outer teacher is that the idea is difficult for me to accept in some ways. I have never met someone, except maybe my girlfriend, that have really taught me lessons about love and compassion that have caused me to grow as an individual, and to look at others in a more loving light as well. I’m not saying my g/f is enlightened at all, I’m just saying she’s a little wiser than I am (okay, maybe a lot wiser :wink: ). Additionally, in regards to individuals I have met who seem to possess a certain touch of enlightenment I have never felt I was in the presence of someone with a purity of motive. Maybe I am becoming a little jaded in my 25th year :wink:

Hi Pandara,

Thank you for reaffirming what Willem was explaining. It’s very difficult to agree with so much of what these books are saying, and be given a giant roadblock along the way which says, “DO THIS OR PAY THE PRICE”. It’s like you have to give up a portion of who you are to receive everything, and I would much rather integrate that which I love with that which can make me grow. My parents, who as I stated earlier do not currently belong to any religious organization, were raised Muslim and Jewish. That’s like matter and anti-matter coming together in a relationship :grin:. I’m born out of integration, and I believe that this is ultimately what I can do to accomplish my goals. However, even Pantanjali warns that one should pick one path and follow it, or else one is just a spiritual windowshopper (according to the Isherwood translation). So it is still a bit unsettling.

Hi Hubert,

Honestly, everything you said rang very true. It’s completely easy to understand the idea of non-attachment. I stressed the word “idea” because I still wrestle with attachment, obviously. Early on, I think I was strongly attached to my girlfriend for egotistical reasons, and the way in which she handled our relationship made me realize that there was something higher that I was not seeing, and for a time I was in danger of losing her. I sometimes battle with this higher, non-attached way of loving (giving yourself completely and trustfully to another individual), and I feel she does too at times. I’m just happy our karma led us through that rough time we had, and that selfishness turned into the possibility of selflessness for one another.

Hi Siva,

I apologize for not being too clear with my definition of Raja yoga. In the translation of Pantanjali’s aphorisms that I have, it states that Raja is very contemplative and concerned with meditation. That, combined with how far I have read into Swami Vivekananda’s book on Raja Yoga, made me see it as both a physical, but more intellectual yoga.

However, Jnana is most certainly the more intellectual yoga, and that is actually going to be the next yoga I research. I love the way in which the Isherwood translation states, in Aphorism II-45, that Jnana yoga aspirants are on a path of discrimination, constantly looking at phenomena and saying “not this, not that”. That’s sort of how I tend to read all my books on spirituality, as I stated in my first post. Thank you once again for the clarification.

Also, thank you for helping me understand the idea of conservation in regards to males and yoga. Oddly enough, when I do obstain from sex, my energy levels are a bit higher, and I feel my mind runs a bit faster and more creative when I have obstained for a while and sex “isn’t on the brain”. Then again, I’ve never really put it to the test.

I would like to ask you a question regarding my minor awakening as a teenager. I tend to think it was because I was literally stepping away from my life, which was everything, and by being completely empty, for at least a moment, something within me awoke. However, I don’t like the idea that I have to get myself to that level of sadness and depression to awaken that feeling in me again. As you said, I may be under my own power now. But what, in your personal opinion, do you feel caused it originally?

I agree that I should not attach too much significance to it. But since it was the only time in my life that I felt something like that, it has been difficult to let it go. It was the one time I felt something was beyond my five senses. You mentioned the objective of heightened practice. What is the objective?

Finally, thank you all once again for your help. It is very comforting to hear from you all.

#7

Dear BeLikeWater,

No apology necessary.

Contemplation (concentration) and meditation are indeed parts of raja yoga, dharana and dhyana, however they differ from “intellectual” which involves thought and knowledge. Semantics to some degree, yet it’s important we look closely at these parts, to define and separate them.

Spontaneous bliss? What causes it? I don’t know. It might have been, as you said, your first glimpse at a meditative-like state. That may happen spontaneously, but it’s not likely to keep happening in that way, unless you’re a Buddha. What i meant by heightened practice is we don’t seek to relive these past experiences, but to cultivate and evolve with them, toward unity with the divine, which for you and me takes practice.

As I’ve mentioned in past posts, it’s important we not suggest that meditation might lead to an experience of bliss, or that one seeks this during meditation or yoga practice, lest we not conjure it up. Yoga and meditation conditions the mind to be free of preoccupation which is often times a barrier to one’s “bliss.” In other words, we have to practice rather than hope, and in this way, practice becomes bliss.

Peace,
Siva

#8

Hi, BeLikeWater,
It could be that your experience in your teen years was very intense because of how different it was from your day to day experience, and that it changed you to elevate your day to day experience. It might take something very different at this point on your path to catch your attention as completely as that did at that point.
In fact, your daily experience now might be much closer to what you had in that moment than it is to your daily experience then.
Remember, part of your life is what you have chosen to put here. Choosing to pursue a spiritual path is just like choosing your profession or your girlfriend. (You don’t always know what you’re doing at the beginning, but as long as its part of your life it will grow.)