Fated to be alone forever?

Yoga Discussion General Yoga
#5

Why you say yoga and spirituality isn’t for me?

I’d think anyone can benefit from them regardless of where they are, meditation and detachment philosophy DEFINITIVELY help me when i am depressed. And i do yoga and it makes my body awesome.

and guys you misunderstand, i think i am cursed because i meet girls, and it just never works out for stupid reasons, they always find someone better or just dont like me, its not meant to be i guess, it NEVER works, imagine how it feels to meet a girl, the pray and hope it works out, THEN IT DOESN’T…

now imagine that happening about 20 times, (every girl i have tried to get with in my life)

#6

I do not know if this would be of help for you.
But, in my past, I was practicing Sarvangasana dialy in the morning. I observed that when I go to office for work, everybody(including girls) greets with a ‘Hello’ and would like to talk to me. And this Asana has improved my ‘romantic life’ as well.

May be you can try out for a month and see the results…!!

#7

Well, for one thing you are on a Yoga forum asking about finding a girlfriend and the joyless life you would have if you stopped playing video games etc :wink:

I’d think anyone can benefit from them regardless of where they are, meditation and detachment philosophy DEFINITIVELY help me when i am depressed. And i do yoga and it makes my body awesome.

Yoga is not just a a set of practices, it is an entire lifestyle committed to the goal of self-realization/god realization. You need to feel the same burning desire for self-realization/god realization that you are feeling for girlfriends, before you are even ready for this.

Not telling you to stop doing the Yoga asanas(It makes your body feel awesome right :wink: ) nor the meditation(It helps with your depression) I am just telling you, you ain’t ready for spirituality. You are too consumed by wordly desires. Thus more important than your Yoga asanas and meditation practices you maybe doing, is working directly with the desires that are consuming you. This ain’t a spiritual matter, but a wordly matter. You need to be getting dating advice on a dating website, or better go on a seduction web site, you will get tons of advice on how to be cool with girls :wink:

and guys you misunderstand, i think i am cursed because i meet girls, and it just never works out for stupid reasons, they always find someone better or just dont like me, its not meant to be i guess, it NEVER works, imagine how it feels to meet a girl, the pray and hope it works out, THEN IT DOESN’T…

now imagine that happening about 20 times, (every girl i have tried to get with in my life)

You are not cursed, you are just too desperate(I mean come on “pray that it works out”). The vibes you are giving out right now reek of desperation, and that is a total turn off for a girl, and a guy! It has happened 20 times with you, because in all 20 times you were giving of the same vibes. I mean come on you are a 22 year old boy whose attempted to commit suicide because girls don’t give you as much attention as you want :rolleyes:

Ask yourself if you were a girl, would you want to go with a guy who actually prays hard to hope it works out with you? Nah, the chances are if you were a girl you would want to go out with a guy whose got it together. Has his own independent life, hobbies, interests, friends, career goals. Such a guy does not need to pray that a girl likes him, such a guy simply shares himself with the girl and if the girl like him, they get it on, otherwise there are many other girls who will like him.

My best advice for you is to first seek some professional help regarding your psychological health and then get help on dating on dating/seduction forums etc. This is not a Yoga related issue.

#8

[QUOTE=bolno;71281]
now imagine that happening about 20 times, (every girl i have tried to get with in my life)[/QUOTE]

Wow… each one of them must have felt very special and valued :stuck_out_tongue:

Do the women’s world and the principle of Ahimsa a favour and relax! You also want to take a look at Satya before trying to win anyone’s heart (and we ARE talking about some random female subject here, as it seems.)

#9

Surya Deva, I have really enjoyed your responses to this thread. You don’t know how much I needed what you said today. Lately, I have felt like my soul hurts and is broken and now I know why. I am too absorbed in “wordly” things.

Bolno, you can’t look outside yourself for someone to give you something that you are capable of giving yourself. What are you hoping the girls give you? Confidence? Love?

I have always felt that partnership should be a choice made not out of desperation but desire. It is much more special that way. Like, I am just fine alone and can care for myself alone. I do not need someone to boost my ego, take away the loneliness, or help me love myself. So when I fall in love one day it will be for someone that I “choose” to share my life with because we enjoy each other’s company and are on the same path. Someone whom I admire but do not need to be a crutch for me. Ask not what a relationship can do for you but what you can do for a relationship. It is cheesy but true. You cultivate love within yourself and share that with others. You seem desperate for someone to give you love.

#10

[QUOTE=bolno;71263]i guess i will just never be good enough for anyone[/QUOTE]

Perhaps consider that you?ve mistakenly already made up your mind?

#11

Thank you Ami!

So when I fall in love one day it will be for someone that I “choose” to share my life with because we enjoy each other’s company and are on the same path. Someone whom I admire but do not need to be a crutch for me. Ask not what a relationship can do for you but what you can do for a relationship. It is cheesy but true.

It is not cheesy at all, it’s beautifully articulated. Some of us are simply not ready for a relationship, because we have nothing to bring to another person. First we must get our act together, then opportunities for relationships will come naturally. I often find relationships happen when I least expect them!

#12

[QUOTE=Surya Deva;71307]I often find relationships happen when I least expect them![/QUOTE]

The spontaneous is a beautify thing, if we knew ahead of time what was going to happen we?d be bored to tears.

#13

Do chakra meditation on your 2nd chakra, using sandalwood and orange candles, use the vam mantra and pay respect to the Goddess nature of reality, women will attract.
Do not stop your path, reflect on your desire for women, explore it, and above all, do not have any shame whatsoever for your desires, shame will not help, knowing yourself will.
Its wonderful you are so young on this path, lucky you, a lot of younger women in Modern mainstream culture are full of modern American Bull$hit, you will not make a good match with them, you have to be on similar levels of conciousness and emotional maturity. Find out what make YOU happy besides women and pursue that, women will want to be around you because you are happy with your self and your life.

#14

Your words speak a lot. Your perception is fatalistic ?fate?, ?forever?, ?hell?, ?never be good enough?; in your view wrong are always ?others? ?this problem?, ?they have caused me misery?; you choose self-depreciation, depression and all, which is highly egotistic. The basic error, common to your age, is the ?self-view?. You judge your own self by ?looks?, ?personality? that you must be searching in others? eyes. That is skin-deep and relationships are never built on that. Yoga says, ?you see, what you are?.

At 22 how lucky are you and then, how ignorant. The girls are not denying you, you are denying yourself, begging others to reject you. Yoga wisdom is very practical and you are shying away from it. What do you think the girls are looking for in relationship? Majority of then, stability, an anchor. Do you consider yourself such an anchor?

Spirituality is not a past-time, or a post-retirement occupation. Any moment of reckoning takes you there. Yoga?s first step is to recognize that spiritual Self within. Once you do, you are never alone. The Self, the life within, is one?s most loyal, extremely loving and unselfishly caring friend. In its company one grows emotionally, matures intellectually and becomes stable in many ways. This is then reflected in the personality. Confidence radiates and is reassuring to others. Neither would you look for ?girls? nor they would look for ?looks?. Chances are you would find someone and look for each other?s souls.

#15

surya deva how can you say spiritual life is not for him?

We are suppose to go through life in 4 stages unless we become monks.

Having family is one of them. You can strive for spirituality even though you have a family or not yet. Many saints had families

How many saints do you think became saints over 1 night? IT takes time to remodify your mind. A family and children is your best teacher towards patience.

But by saying to him he is not qualified or not fit for spiritual life is not encouraging maybe you plant a seed in his head now he is worthless. You should embrace people so that they would grow instead. Even if they seem unfit compliment their good and you will see they will start growing, we humans are like children if you say to a children he is worthless he becomes that.

TO BOLNO:
Some people didnt have luck with girls then they find THE ONE suddenly all others becomes envy, before it was you that was envy cause you wanted a girl so bad. When you stop chasing and accept what is and if it is meant to happen it will, then you will start noticing things.
If you look at it in a positive manner(all bad has something positive in it but you cant see it yet) When you find the one you will not leave her as easily , becaues you know you wont find another one that will fit you. So you value it more and if you do more spiritual work you will then also not cling to your relationship as much or be afraid to lose it as you know all is impermanent.

#16

Double post.

#17

I never said he was worthless. I said to him that his main worry at the moment is his wordly life and he should focus on that. It goes without saying that this is a Yoga forum, not a dating or teenage problems forum.

#18

I agree with fakeyogis. What wrong with talking about dating?
Brahmacharya is control of SEXUAL energy, we cannot pretend we live in a monastery, we must understand ourselves on ALL levels, so we can trandcsend ourselves,this requires being honest, and for many of us, the path is a spiral. Sexual attraction is a fact of earthly life, he is trying to understand and sort his out. And he is not a teenager, he is 22.

#19

I didnt say you say he is worthless.

But he can take it that way, even though its not likely there are a small chance, some people are sensitive and its not that easy to see who and who is not. what wouldnt affend you could affend another person.

The message was however inspire people for what little they have or is good at and they will grow. Not to see their faults. In the beginning in the spiritual life it is however normal to only see the flaws. After a while when doing progress you dont see them (you see but they dont affect you they have no power over you(mind)). Its like the nature its full of flaws , but it is very beatiful isnt it.

We all have been 22 and looking for girls if we are normal. So whats wrong with that, i dont look down at my self for being like that when i was younger it was more like a lession to be learned. Also i have an understanding that this person could be a future saint even thoug at the moment he is chasing girls. In 10 years from now he could change drastical.

Even someone most unfit can exeed us all at a later point.

And this forum is actual the best to ask such questions as we have probably more experience in those matters than john doe. Cause we observe and try to control our selfs. I think in this forum he can get most help. ALSO when you are spiritual you are obliged to help people.

So even if he is not even doing sadhana and you think he is not to talk about his problem in this forum you must help him if you can. Otherwise you are not following the spiritual path. All creatures have the right to be happy.

#20

I did help him. I identified what his main needs were and I referred him to the appropriate places where he will get the most help: Dating web sites for his problem with women and professional counselling for his suicidal thoughts.

There are much better alternatives than Yoga to his current problems. He stands to benefit a lot more from dating advice and counselling than Yoga.

I never said I looked down on him. You are reading things into my post that I did not say. On the contrary, I understand where he is coming from(I was a teen too) and I understand at this stage in his life spirituality is less important than women, socializing and partying. When he is done with that, he will be ready to move onto spirituality.

#21

I will add: Spirituality is those who are committed to realizing their highest Self. Before one can begin spirituality one must be fully convinced of the highest Self, the immortal and infinite power that they really are. They must have a strong belief in themselves, in their own potential for greatness and disbelief in any kind of limitation. Without having this ideal first it is futile beginning on a spiritual path, because one will wander aimlessly. Having the ideal firmly set in ones mind like the summit of the mountain for a climber, one begins their trek and keeps moving with one-pointed focus to get there.

Now, it is safe to say that Bolno’s ideal is not the great divine Self, his ideal is an ordinary ideal: he wants a girlfriend, he wants friends, he wants fun. I am not judging him for having those wants, because after all we have those wants, practically the vast majority of people on Earth have those wants. This is why he must work out his wordly desires first, before he can even begin spirituality. There is no point starting on a spiritual path when ones goal in life is wordly. There are wordly paths for wordly things.

#22

Well my spiritual path we influenced by women a lot, at first it was a self improvement thing to get women, then as i learned and grew, i started realizing that happines is not ‘out there’ it comes from reconnecting with my true essence, it was a maturing process turning inward slowly after seeing how each element i search for ‘out there’ was nothing compared to what was ‘in here’.

#23

But you never know he can in an eyeblink just believe. Did you believe just because you read the scriptures? You must have experienced something so that you believe in it and then you choose the path you want to follow.

There are different levels to walk first you will get angry on the people that are teaching yoga wrong that you know is wrong and the scriptures will back you up. Then you will realize the problem lies in your head and then you will drop that angriness which is yours only and not others.

The best thing is just to let people be fools and dont even let it make a ripple in your mind.

Even though you might be right by saying what you said did you help him? its a matter of how you say it. Sometimes you cant be frank with people if you know what i mean. But sometimes not.

Also i said how he might take it i didnt say you say he is worthless im sorry if im unclear. The guy is depressed his rational thinking might be obcured so he could easily understand you wrong.

That might be worst case scenario. Its like you get upset because he asks about worldly thing in the forum you could easily have skipped the thing that he is unfit for yoga or spirituality, if you look back how can it help him. You clearly tell him yoga is not for him then you plant a seed in him. If he is not fit for yoga now , when will he be?

Would you tell a child of 7th months that the child is not fit for start to walk? some walks sooner some later , this is the same in worldy life some are quicker some slower.

And i guess you have the authority to see who is fit or not? The most unfit becomes the biggest saints. Mila repa started by killing many people then he realized he did wrong. We could if we lived then have said look at him he is evil and not fit for spirituality.

98 or 99% of the yogis in india are not fit for yoga, they are scams number 1 would you tell them that also? Everyone knows how indian yogis are. Even indians say they only want your money. Have you seen the movie angulimala? see it. pram have always thought they are number 1 and look today pride make them fall.

So then tell me who is fit for yoga and spiritual life? ITs like walking a razor. And if we start talking about who is fit or not its our mind speaking. Funniest thing is that people have a preconcept how an enlightened man should be and behave but they have never seen one nor have they transcended their minds , how can the mind understand?. quite a paradox.

And youre right he can start spirituality when he is older but if he starts now he will have something that will pull him towards spirituality easier. Actually the longer you wait the harder. So even if you party its better to do little spirituality than neglect it and think you will do it later as people saying i take it later , will be lazy as this take it later will infect your mind.

Do everything now so you can rest tomorrow is a better way of thinking and it will change the personality for the better.

Yoga has the power of transformation. So we should not tell someone they are not fit for it.

#24

as arjuna says sometimes we need to learn and it is all about experience.
so that we realize it does not give us real eternal hapiness.

In some way if we look back we could say it is a part of our sadhana.