In the recent years, I have been vacillating between humility and arrogance, as long time members on this forum may seem to notice in my posts. Sometimes my attitude is of asserting ones godliness, divinity and and believing in ones omnipotence, to behave like a god and assert one self over the other, and sometimes my attitude is one of humility, to surrender oneself to the divine, to recognize the divine in others and to emphasize ones humanity and brethren with humanity.
I have played with both attitudes in the recent years, and I feel like I have started to recognize the energy the attitude produces. I want to share those insights with you and see if you have noticed the same.
“I am god” attitude: Even saying the words, “I am god” which I say with the Sanskrit Vedantic equivalent Aham Brahmasmi I am that infinite, omnipotent and eternal power, produces an instant shift in energy, one feels supremely confident as if one has taken a shot of cocaine! It feels really good to say it, it charges ones entire being. One will also note the shift in the physiology, the spine will become straighter, the eyes will look out straight fearlessly and a lot more energy will be running through the body.
Brilliant yes? Who needs cocaine, when you could just say ‘Aham Brahmasmi’ But I also find at the same time it produces a mental attitude of arrogance. When I say this, it is difficult to look at another person and not feel superior or more powerful in some way. It also seems like you are doing mental violence to that person, and it scares me to think that if I had real godly power how tolerant I would be of another. I could easily see how such power could rush into my ahead and I would smite the person with thunder and lightening if they upset me.I wonder if this is a natural outcome of asserting that one is god, producing the dichotomy of superior lord and his inferior subjects.
I think other people subconsciously sense my arrogance and it almost seems like we are in psychological combat. I will experience more challenging encounters that put my “I am god” attitude to the test. Some horrible things may happen. I may get a cold, flu or fever. Somebody might say something horrible to me. I may get people acting cold towards me. Above all, when in this mode, I find it hard to relate to others. It’s almost as if I have phased out of human existence, and I am in an another dimension. At the same time this superior energy it produces in me, makes me magnetic to many people, such as in dating, the energy is seen as sexy and attractive. In business and work it is seen as powerful and commanding. I naturally assume more of a leadership role. I carry weight.
“I am witness/soul/observer” attitude: This an attitude of humility, for instead of seeing myself as the lord of creation, I see myself as a soul participating in creation, observing and witnessing its dance, in its innumerable manifestations. In this mode, I do not look down on my fellow humans, but rather I bare myself to them, look on them as equals and express myself spontaneously and honestly to them. It also engenders an attitude of surrender to the divine, not actually identifying with it, but rather flowing with the divine, seeing as one as part and parcel with it. The energy this produces is angelic and innocent, I become more emphaic and receptive to the feelings of others and feel compassion and love. In terms of physiology, rather than holding my spine straight and erect and looking directly outwards, I notice I simply let go, adopting a rather vulnerable body posture and my eyes look slightly downcast, but gentle gaze. The mental attitude is one of contentment, of inner freedom.
The reactions I get from others when I am in this humble mode are very interesting. I am perceived as lesser threatening, innocent, angelic, cute, loving, endearing and interesting. People are a lot more receptive to me and what I have to say, even if it contradicts their own beliefs. I make a lot more friends and people easily confide in me, and elevate me to almost a saintly, dignified person(What a contradiction I am lol)
At the same time, when I am in this energy I almost feel like I have allowed myself to fall out of the rat race, giving others the opportunity to dominate if they want to. In conversations, in this mode I become more the listener, but in groups it gives other the opportunity to dominate the conversations, and he who shouts the loudest commands all the attention. In dating, this humble attitude put me in the ‘friends zone’ I am seen more of the good friend women can confide in. Saintliness and angelic is not really sexy lol Rather than assuming the leadership role, I assume the facilitator role. In fact the humble attitude is almost like social resignation, hence why you become non threatening. Perhaps there is some truth to what Patanjali says, that by practicing non-violence everybody becomes our friends, even animals.
So as you can see both attitudes have their pros and cons. In fact it mirrors my struggle between the philosophies of Vedanta(I am god) and Samkhya-Yoga(I am soul) having love for both. However, it has becoming confusing living my life with both philosophies, and vacillating between humility and arrogance. I go through phases of arrogance, then humility, then back to arrogance. I now think I need to adopt one to bring consistency in my life. So which works better, humility or arrogance?
There seems to be a lot of responses saying “Don’t use your mind” “Don’t judge right or wrong” I honestly wonder how these people go about their daily life without using their minds and making judgement