I tried hard not to be critical of what Futurehumandesiny is saying in his posts here and in his video’s on his channel; I tried to see the truth in what he is saying, to overlook any of the points that made me cringe as just my ego/left brain making judgement, but I realized I simply cannot do it: I think a lot of what futurehumandestiny is saying is garbage. It does not at all address the very pertinent and good questions the OP asks(honestly, I could not have asked these same questions as clearly myself) Instead, futurehuman destiny hijacks this thread to advertise his new youtube channel and talk of his own spiritual attainments and enlightenment, like Amir’ Yet like Amir, whatever he says is unpractical garbage and an exercise in self-promotion.
Sorry, I just had to say this. I know I could have addressed the OP’s questions without shooting down Futurehumandestiny, but these are my honest thoughts I had when reading his posts, so I am sharing them too.
Now to address the OP’s questions:
But what is it that gives me my drive for life? what is it that gives me happiness, and Joy and a reason to wake up in the morning?
Before it was hanging out with friends, trying to get a girlfriend, video games, etc.
This one is a difficult one, and many monks also ask themselves this question. When you internalize an ascetic philosophy like Buddhism which values needs over wants, humility, simplicity, silence, celibacy, introversion you can lead a very boring life. This is one of the most immediate challenge aspiring monks face, and many simply cannot hack it. It makes life very very dry! This is why you see a lot of hypocrisy among monks, not actually practicing what they preach. You will see some of the worst sexual perversion among monks, because they have suppressed their desires so much, they end up expressing themselves in very distorted ways.
Life obviously becomes a lot more interesting when you add stuff like friends, sex, video games, movies,. tasty food, music, alcohol and drugs, thrills etc to your life. We all try to design a fun and interesting life, by doing as many varied things and activities we can do. We know that whatever we do, if we do it too much, it will become boring, so we try to do different things: say bars and pubs on Friday, theater or cinema on Saturday, home dinner and night in with DVD’s or television on Sunday, and various sports, hobbies and other recreations during the week. The more varied ones life, the more interesting and fun we see them to be.
Unfortunately, after a while, no matter how many variations we make, it all becomes rather monotonous, simply new permutations of the same basic emotions. So we start crave even more heightened emotional states, and hence why so many people take recourse to drugs.
The wise start to realize that nothing that we do can actually bring any lasting happiness. In fact whatever we do, ultimately brings us only discontent and entangles us. The basic pleasure of even indulging in chocolate has the power to drag us even further into the sensory world. When we are entangled in it, it is very difficult to get out of it. We become slaves to our senses.
What is the solution? The solution is simple and despicable to us. We need to renounce the sensory world. We need to learn to love just being with ourselves. We need to let emptiness become our constant fountain of joy. We must embrace loneliness, simplicity, humility. This act of renunciation is only for the very spiritually brave seekers. Very few are capable of doing it, because it means subjecting yourself to boredom! Watching your friends go and out and party hard and have a brilliant time, while you stay at home and do the household chores; seeing and smelling the great culinary people gorge on at dinner, while you eat only bread and soup; watching beautiful, well-groomed, toned people walk about, while you wear nothing but a robe and a shaved head; seeing boyfriends/girlfriends having great intimate times together, while you observe celibacy.
How many can truly do this? Not many at all. Even the vast majority of those who are observing formal monastic lives cannot do it. Therefore, do not try to lie to yourself. If you cannot do it, then simply say, “I can’t do it” Like I have. Stop pretending to be spiritual, when you are in exactly the same boat as everyone else. Instead, work on your desires/wants. Admit you have them, and work directly with them. You must be able to realize that you need to let go eventually of every desire and also realize why(because they are impermanent, because they produce suffering) Only then will you be able to walk the spiritual path, definitely not before then.
