Thanks for reply…
First of all i have to mitigate description of my health state. It s not bad as it sounds. I m not impotant in western medicine sense…i can every day, but somedays or more consecutive days/weeks i feel it like less satisfactory. Sometimes it seems to me like i dont enjoy it and after orgasm i feel fatigued.
About insomnia: Sometimes i sleep well, sometimes short…but usually i dont feel “shiny mornings” and “growing young” as 6-10 years ago.
In terms of fatigue, lower back pain many of young people around me are in same position, but i dont want to satisfied with it as normal state.
Most of all i am sad of decreasing of Motivation (with big M) cause i have expected more from life and motivation is one of most important power in my life.
With mot. i can change other - bad nutrition, smoking, more exercising, better job and relationships.
In general i find this web good for concrete problems, less for lifestyle as a whole cause it s problem describe all parts of my person and surrounding (job, relationships and so on). So first of all (of course) i ve decided to visit specialists (first next week physiotherapist) to know more about my body - muscle tests etc. next would be nutrition…
2innerathlete
I have to do soul-searching about my nutrition. It s shame cause i ve succesfully done entrance exmanines for “nutrition study” in university therefore i know basics of healthy food. But for example my yeasterday diet was:
5 rolls with hazelnut butter
2 slices of bread with poor-quality ham
instant package "pasta with sauce"
tunafish with 2 rolls
2 bananas
+
18 cigarettes
About meditation: i ve started to meditate ( or “meditate” - in wrong way) 10 ys ago to overcome deppresion, but as time went by i have realised that sometimes this way"harms", it s the upper level for emotionaly, physically healthy, well grounded people not for me, so i ve decided to try only asanas, bodybuilding, cycling and proper diet…it was 100times more suitable way (i felt it) but it was not enough. What moved me very fast for better life was combination of exercising and Motivation (inner and outer) - girls, move to College, new friends and maybe independence from parents.
My life was more better in that times, but there were still problems from earlier times (life is like onion) - stability, nervousness of presentations in school, sometimes fatigue so i ve tried reiki and many other ways. I ve started with long meditations and result was “skinny” body, social fobia, paranoia, bad concentration, education screwed. It were terrible times, i ve thought that i have to visit mental hospital…somedays something enlighted me and i ve got idea of tree and pyramide as picture of my whole problem…i ve started with bodybuilding, walking (15 km a day), 5 tibetians twice/3 a day and tried to stay as much time among crowds of people - public transports, clubs…almost all of my problems disappear and from spring i felt like a new man, happy as never before (except school - it was the worst year). As time went by i ve discovered some books about hara and tantra and found that proper way is starting with lowest energies - earth and sexual. i ve met my current girlfriend…
It s too long story, maybe unnecessary to write here and when i see what i have wrote, it seems to be easy to change but in practise it s more challenging. Which way (combination) is right, where to find energy and motivation to change. And i know it s little bit naive to think that somebody can help me change my life via (and what more i know what is wrong with me -diet, relationships) internet, but maybe somebody can find my starter/my neglected (?) area.
Of course i m trying find some specialists/experts for proper guidance as innerathlete mentioned above. But in the past i was dissapointed with so called “experts” - “bags of money” and imperceptible change…so hope better tommorows